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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...or do I have a point about this caret at nursery?

105 replies

itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:32

God, I don't know if I'm making this out to be a huge deal... DH agrees with me, but then I guess he would!

Basically, our DS got sent home from nursery this morning having had 2 runny poos. I went straight to pick him up, and it's not his usual carer with him, but another lady; his key worker is away doing charity work atm you see. My DS was sat on the floor in the corner away from all the other children, subdued and not playing with anything. As soon as I came in, I walked over and picked him up and he clung to me. He's not usually very affectionate at all. The carer said she'd just changed him again and water was literally pouring out of his bottom. Right, said I. I'll take him to the doctors and see what's going on. She said fine, just bring him back Monday. I tried to ask her more detail about the nappies, what time etc etc. She couldn't answer me, and called the manager in.

Now this lady happens to be short-staff cover, and every time she has covered in the babies room; my son gets sent home with runny poos. The same thing happened last month, it was a Thursday then too. He came home, and almost as if to prove them wrong he curled down a massive solid poo.

I find her quite odd; if I ask questions about what he's had, when it happened, how many times (nothing out of the ordinary and I always remain calm and polite) just so I can give the doctor some background, she gets huffy and runs off to get the manager. The thing is, this has happened about 3 or 4 times now. He only gets sent home in her care. He gets home, is bouncy and giggly; we take him to the doctors who look at me as if I'm nuts.

He's drinking lots of water, has a good appetite, no temperature... He is teething but he doesn't get cranky from it.

I just feel a bit off about it. When she's there, DS is always subdued and quiet and playing on his own. Normally, he's giggling with the other kids and crawling about... Something isn't sitting right. Does she not like him or something? Or am I imagining this?

Btw, I'm not the type to send an ill baby to nursery! I am the first to keep him off to be safe, if anything I am a bit pfb with it all!

Do I just take it on the chin every time he gets sent home by her (once a month, always on a Thursday, always the same reason) and accept its her word against mine? Or do I speak with management about it? I'm also a bit concerned about his behaviour around her.

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Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:35

Sorry. Should be carer in the title. Bloody iPad Hmm

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GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 17/11/2011 13:36

Hmm, I'd be worried about this too - are the senior staff approachable? I'd be inclined to try them first, I think.

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:39

I just resent taking home a bouncy child. Who is not ill. And still paying £35 a day for the privilege. The problem is, his key worker and the manager are away until the end of a month on a charity drive. I'm taking him to the doctors this afternoon; more to prove a point. But now I'm worried to take him back... FFS it's normally such a lovely nursery Sad ds loves it there.

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Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:39

It's her word against mine, that's the trouble.

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CardyMow · 17/11/2011 13:40

I'd keep a record of when it happens, and send a note to the Nursery Manager if it happens again on the day you expect it to - In fact, if it was me, I would ask to speak to the Nursery manager on the morning of the day it usually happens, and say that your ds is perfectly well, and if this particular worker complains that your ds has had a runny poo - you would like the nappy to be saved in a Nappy sack so that you can give a sample to the Doctor, as if it is happening regularly on a Thursday once a month, you would like to be able to find out what is causing it...

Hassled · 17/11/2011 13:41

I'd speak to the management about it. It is bloody odd - twice could be a coincidence, but 3 or 4 times is just plain weird.

south345 · 17/11/2011 13:43

He may be bouncy for you but you're his mum, if he's feeling off at nursery he may be subdued as he probably just wants you.

I'm a childminder and it happens to me, children seem off and not playing and as soon as mum gets them home they're playing fine.

Not defending them but maybe a bit like that but it is strange it's been so often on a thurs try and speak to the manager.

CardyMow · 17/11/2011 13:43

Because that would then give the Nursery Manager a bit of a heads up about what is happening (obviously explain that the only time he is sent home is ONCE A MONTH ON A THURSDAY) - I'm quite sure any Nursery Manager worth their salt would get the message and look at the rotas for that day, to see who was sending that dc home, and to do something about it.

Other than that - do you have menu's for the Nursery? It could be something as simple as the fact that they are on a Monthly Lunch rota, and whatever is for lunch that day might not agree with him. When my DS2 was at Nursery, once a month on a Wednesday, they gave the dc in the 3-5yo's room Chilli on jacket potatoes Hmm - and he had a similar problem, until I worked out what it was, and got him to have the veggie option for lunch that day!

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:44

I know they're a bit short staffed with these girls away; and I do sympathise.

It's just this has happened a few times now and I'm concerned. The other girl in there wouldn't meet mine or DH's eye the whole time we were there.

I just get irritated that I have to take home a bouncy child, take him to the doctor who tells me there's nothing wrong and then have to pay for it anyway, because they've decided he's ill.

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Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:45

hunty I did think of this, but apparently he's only had his Cheerios for breakfast, I took him home and he'd not been fed lunch, he was absolutely staving.

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Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:46

starving

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thousandDenier · 17/11/2011 13:49

I'd be asking them to save the nappy in a nappy bag for a 'sample' also.

Combinearvester · 17/11/2011 13:49

I'm probably being thick but where is the advantage for her in making this up? What does she get out of it? Less kids to look after or what?

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:49

south oh yes I appreciate I'm his mummy and he'll always want to be with me the most. It just is odd because as soon as I start asking questions (I admit I was a bit like Hmm when I went in after this particular woman had phoned me), and it honestly is normal stuff like when, what's he eaten etc etc.

I kept him off on Monday because he gets refluxy sometimes with his teething; he swallows all his spit (gross) get gets acidy reflux like when he was little. I thought maybe he'd be better off, so I'm not a 'chuck him at nursery 'n' go' kinda person. If I think he could do with a day at home, I do give it freely.

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Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:52

Well combine I don't know. She is only in when someone else is off or something, and when he does get sent home they do look pretty pushed. They're supposed to keep a 1 to 3 ratio, but with DS there it wasn't that ratio today. Or maybe she doesn't like him much? This is the third time in a row I can remember clearly, in as many months. Before that I wasnt paying too much attention you know?

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Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:57

The thing is, how do I bring this up (and when) without sounding like a total loser? Or like I'm a negligent mother who just can't be arsed looking after her child?

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StealthPolarBear · 17/11/2011 13:58

How odd. Do you think she is lying? Or somehow making him ill?

Miette · 17/11/2011 14:00

Is it possible that he is having runny poos because he is scared of this particular lady? Maybe she shouts or something? That might explain his subdued behaviour and the other woman not meeting your eye.

StealthPolarBear · 17/11/2011 14:00

I think you raise it as a potential cause for concenr for the nursery as a whole. I have done similar when my DS (who used to go Wednesdays and Thursdays) would go to nursery, come home, be sick, be off on the Thursday, get slowly better all week then go back the following Wednesday for the same to happen again. This went on for 6 weeks and we removed him in the end.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 17/11/2011 14:02

I would make an appointment with the manager and speak about this...in the meanime I would also look for another nursery!

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:02

No stealth I don't think she's making him ill!

My problem is, she's sending him home when he's not poorly, in the least. He's practically bouncing off the walls! I'll take him to the doctors this afternoon to be safe (again) and they'll tell me there's nothing wrong with him.

Seriously, when he's ill (as with any baby, I'm sure), I know about it and I really have my hands full!

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CardyMow · 17/11/2011 14:02

If you are able to pick him up quickly - do you possibly work closer than the other dc's parents? If so, and they aren't meeting their ratio's - you may find that because the other parents are further away, you are being 'picked' to take your dc home so that they meet the ratio's.

In fact, I would BET that is what is happening, if you know that it's not the food, your DS is fine when you pick him up, and you can SEE when you pick him up that they aren't meeting their ratio's.

If so, I would be VERY Angry. And I would be refusing to pick him up unless they keep the nappy with the 'runny poo' so that you can check it yourself...

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:02

Oh sorry stealth I mis read the tone of your post Blush

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StealthPolarBear · 17/11/2011 14:04

no sorry I meant, he either has this incredibly runny poo (in which case why?) or he doesn't (in which case she's lying to you)
Either way it's very odd and I couldnt trust them again I don't think

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:06

hunty I mentioned this to DH, and he was like 'well how do we know it's his nappy? They all wear the same ones!'

It's a bit beside the point if he comes home and curls down a massive big solid poo.

The trouble is, I LOVE this nursery the rest of the time. I love it. The staff he is usually with are kind and attentive and lovely, and I have nothing but good words to say about any of them. So I really don't want to move for the sake of one worker I'm not keen on.

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