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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...or do I have a point about this caret at nursery?

105 replies

itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 13:32

God, I don't know if I'm making this out to be a huge deal... DH agrees with me, but then I guess he would!

Basically, our DS got sent home from nursery this morning having had 2 runny poos. I went straight to pick him up, and it's not his usual carer with him, but another lady; his key worker is away doing charity work atm you see. My DS was sat on the floor in the corner away from all the other children, subdued and not playing with anything. As soon as I came in, I walked over and picked him up and he clung to me. He's not usually very affectionate at all. The carer said she'd just changed him again and water was literally pouring out of his bottom. Right, said I. I'll take him to the doctors and see what's going on. She said fine, just bring him back Monday. I tried to ask her more detail about the nappies, what time etc etc. She couldn't answer me, and called the manager in.

Now this lady happens to be short-staff cover, and every time she has covered in the babies room; my son gets sent home with runny poos. The same thing happened last month, it was a Thursday then too. He came home, and almost as if to prove them wrong he curled down a massive solid poo.

I find her quite odd; if I ask questions about what he's had, when it happened, how many times (nothing out of the ordinary and I always remain calm and polite) just so I can give the doctor some background, she gets huffy and runs off to get the manager. The thing is, this has happened about 3 or 4 times now. He only gets sent home in her care. He gets home, is bouncy and giggly; we take him to the doctors who look at me as if I'm nuts.

He's drinking lots of water, has a good appetite, no temperature... He is teething but he doesn't get cranky from it.

I just feel a bit off about it. When she's there, DS is always subdued and quiet and playing on his own. Normally, he's giggling with the other kids and crawling about... Something isn't sitting right. Does she not like him or something? Or am I imagining this?

Btw, I'm not the type to send an ill baby to nursery! I am the first to keep him off to be safe, if anything I am a bit pfb with it all!

Do I just take it on the chin every time he gets sent home by her (once a month, always on a Thursday, always the same reason) and accept its her word against mine? Or do I speak with management about it? I'm also a bit concerned about his behaviour around her.

OP posts:
Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:07

She said to me there was literally water pouring out of his bottom, and if I believed this for a second I would be in A&E right now and this thread wouldn't exist. Yes, I am that pfb!

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 17/11/2011 14:08

Sounds like it is a ratio issue!

This woman only works in the room when they are understaffed. On understaffed days they need to send a child home to remain in ratio. I bet they all know what is going on so that is why the other worker wouldn't look you in the eye.

Elderberries · 17/11/2011 14:09

Thing is I don't think you can let it go really. I think you just have to state the facts....say it might be coincidence but you think it is odd. Also if it happens again you want a sample for the doctor as has already been said.

You have every right to question them. You pay for their service. But you do want to keep it polite.

rockinhippy · 17/11/2011 14:10

I'd second wondering if the loose stools are because he's scared of this woman, my own DD will get diareah if scared

there may well be a logical explanation, but you really do need to raise it with the manager & have them look into it & reassure you - based on your updates re food etc, I can't actually think of one

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:10

rita I don't know how to bring it up though Sad I don't want to appear neurotic. I told the covering manager he would be back tomorrow with a doctor's note to tell them he's fine. DH said we will just keep doing this every time it happens (ie once a month), until they get the message. I don't see why I should have to.

OP posts:
Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:12

Exactly elderberries they're looking after my precious one, and I want to keep them on side.

God I'm on the verge of tears, how sad is this?! Why is it us? Why not anyone else?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/11/2011 14:12

She is aware boys have wees as well as poos isn't she :o

Glad you think there is nothing actually wrong with him. I would put the frightners up. Tell them you have been to the docs who is concerned about a major public health issue, and someone public health related will be contacting the nursery for a full investigation in the next day or so. In addition, you will be notifying Ofsted.

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:12

Can I ask that she not be in the baby room and they put someone else in there when they're understaffed?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/11/2011 14:13

Are there any options to take him out of there? Apart from anything else, they're not providing you with the reliable childcare you need!!

Bloodymary · 17/11/2011 14:14

Well I do not have any advice really, but it seems very odd that this woman is saying that his poo is like water, but when you get him home it is suddenly normal.

There is usually an in between stage isnt there?

RitaMorgan · 17/11/2011 14:15

I don't think you can tell them which staff to use where.

I would definitely ask for a meeting with management though and say how concerned that this is happening on a particular day every month - but never at home and the GP says he's fine.

Put responsibility for solving this back on the nursery - can they tell you what is different on this particular day? What can they suggest to stop this happening again?

littleducks · 17/11/2011 14:16

Why are you taking a child to the dr for a runny poo, anyway? Unless you have a private dr I would see that as a waste of nhs time an resources Hmm

I think you need to approach them but tbh if it is something like a clever system to cheat the ratios I think you would be better off with another nursery. I have always used smaller nurseries/preschools which are deliberately overstaffed, they aren't any more expensive.

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:16

stealth yes, we could move but 99% of the time I love this nursery. Love it! I am loathe to move because he enjoys it there and I enjoy him enjoying it if that makes sense. I don't understand why I should have to have the hassle of uprooting my baby from an otherwise lovely nursery for the sake of one woman.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 17/11/2011 14:17

yanbu, deffo do what Hunty asks about saving the nappy as it looks odd to me,

Elderberries · 17/11/2011 14:17

No actually face them with the real issue. Might it always be you because you are available to come whereas other parents are working? Apologies if you are working - it's just that you didn't mention work.

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:18

It just annoys me even more that she gets me the manager the second I ask any form of questions. I'm not returning a broken kettle, I am asking her because she has first hand experience.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/11/2011 14:19

I hope someoone medical turns up on this thread.

Poo like water does not indicate diarrhoea in my limited knowledge. It indicates dysentry (or something like that) which is a BIG BIG deal. If the nursery are officially claiming to have a child there who has poo like water (and they are), then thias needs to be dealt with properly and I would insist on that. They may even have to close.

Of course I could be wrong - worth looking into though.

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:19

elder not rude at all. I do work, but the nursery is based where I work and my boss is v flexible and understanding.

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 17/11/2011 14:20

Maybe it's not really anything to do with this woman though - it's a deliberate move to stay in ratio and she is always there on understaffed days. If that's the case, then just putting a different worker in the room won't make a difference. Maybe that's why she always refers your questions on to management - because she's been told to send a child home?

StealthPolarBear · 17/11/2011 14:20

littleducks, presumably because she needs to take her DS back to nursery ebfore the 48 hours is up.
That does make it difficult if you usually trust them. It's not just this woman though, it's all of them. I could not trust them again,

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:21

stealth never thought of that, she did say it was water gushing out of his bottom. Honest to God if I believed it for one second I'd be at the hospital right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:23

littleducks its because they send him home for 48 hours unless I bring proof he's not ill.

I'm so upset, I love this nursery otherwise. The girls are sweet and lovely and I get on so well with all of them.

OP posts:
rushofbloodtothefeet · 17/11/2011 14:23

I'd be mad at the management if they weren't keeping the right staffing levels, it's their responsibility. It seems odd that this carer is the one to 'choose' you rather than the management dealing with it directly - they must know how many kids they are getting in each day.

Definately something is not sitting right.

Original poster
itspeanutbutterjellytime · 17/11/2011 14:23

rita why my child though?

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 17/11/2011 14:24

I think that's deeply odd. You definitely need to speak to the manager.