to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

And for the record, MsScarlett, I don't know how you got to be your age without realising virtually everyone goes to a post natal ward after a birth.

I think it is totally natural to want your partner with you after the birth of their child. It is bizarre to separate them

It is not the same as having an operation -you have had a child - their child

You have just become a family - I think its natural to want to be together.

It may not be practical in the set up we have, but it is still natural

Clearly we have time apart. Often. We are very independent people.

But yes he comes with me to the doctor - at my request, and to the dentist, and to smear tests. I have reasons for this.

no you havent answered me.

they kept my baby on the post natal ward. there was no question that i would be leaving without my baby. it wasn't a case of them putting him on a ward i wasn't on. i was on the ward with him but EXP couldn't stay. are you saying you would give up a bed on a post natal ward, and sleep in a corridor even though your baby was still in there?or would you demand that your baby be moved to another ward (which one incidentally as SCBU is for very sick babies and wouldn't have taken my son)?

I think I might be a bit in love with Imperial Blether.

But Imperial there is often no need to go on a PN ward. I also do not understand why people go unless there is a medical need to do so, although of course it is their choice.

I will not be and I think it is presented to women as something they have to do or need to do when often neither applies.

ImperialBlether - not the people I know. Maybe nearly everyone to you!

But yes he comes with me to the doctor - at my request, and to the dentist, and to smear tests. I have reasons for this.

And that is absolutely your prerogative.

But he should not be there next to me when I've just given birth.

Missscarlett, do you have cultural or religious reasons, it does seem a bit needy or odd to me. Or even maybe a bit controlling of him? Is he insisting on all this?

Am surprised missscarlet that you'd rather leave your baby on a ward and be with your dh in the corridor. Apolgies if that's not what you meant but that's how it reads.

And sick babies are often on the postnatal ward rather than a baby ward. I would say that on an average shift we have eight babies on the postnatal ward under transitional care. So needing hot cot, phototherapy or antibiotics but not poorly enough to need scbu.

Our scbu cares for on average about 12 babies at a time. There are either 4 parents rooms for parents to sleep overnight so not everyone gets a room. Who gets a room is decided by the sister and this changes every 24 hours so you may have a room one day and not the next. But you can spend as much time as you like sitting by the cot, both parents, Inc through the night.

MsScarlett "I think you are clutching at straws by claiming that the reason it's not a good idea is because of the possible dubious character of new fathers... I suppose if you feel very strongly either way about the presence or non-presence of others then you could go home, as I would plan to, provided I was not ill"

I don't think not wanting to spend the night (or several) in a confined space, feeling vulnerable having had a baby, with strange men who are potentially anything (starting with OK, as strangers go, and going downhill from there, from a bit creepy to unpleasant to aggressive to convicted of violent crimes at the bottom of the pile)

all only a flick of a curtain away

is clutching at straws!!!!

As for the choice to go home - why should a woman feel she has to leave because they feel uncomfortable or threatened by the presence of someone's partner, at night?

Unless we can guarantee that all partners are pleasant, polite, respectful, non-creepy, will mind their own business and keep their eyes and ears to themselves.... it's a total non starter.

Catgirl, have you ever give birth?

Ok, I haven't managed the whole thread, but I'm going to jump in anyway, forgive me if the question has already been asked, why can't the mother with the visiting DH just shut the curtains? If it is night time, and all is quiet, and the curtains are shut, how will you know who is there? And as for the 'he could be a rapist' argument, you are on a ward full of people, any one of them could be socially unacceptable or dangerous. The mother in the next bed could be a child abusing kleptomaniac with a drug habit and 3 husbands under the patio!
How many of us have asked the mother next door to keep an eye whilst we went to the loo?

Oh and for the record, my DH would much rather go home. He thinks my wanting him there is mental and he would not be able to do much.

He doesn't understand why it matters to me that we are not separated and given his way would go for the 1940s-pace-the-corridor-smoking-a-cigar-approach to the birth, then do some hugs, photos and "well dones" before going home to sleep, tidy round and then come get me the next day.

To whomever it was that said people on here were off the Jeremy Kyle show, that is just insulting.

You don't have to have a husband whose vile to know some husbands are vile. Going to hospital opened my eyes - all the women looked very similar in their nighties but when the men arrived, the differences were very apparent.

Many of us have jobs where we witness awful male behaviour - it doesn't mean we have it in our own home, just that we don't want to sleep next to some random man when we're at our most vulnerable.

I am sure this has all been said already but what the hey...

It is a good idea in principle but it wont work.

On an open ward or on a four bed bay.

There is not enough room and there are far too many complexities involved.

I am not precious, I do not think all men are rapists and dont think a man would be leering at me. But I would feel very uncomfortable having lots of men around. I would LOATHE being on a mixed ward for any reason.

The hosptials do not have the facilities to cope with double the people on the ward. They will be sleeping on chairs next to the beds, where will they wash and go to the toilet etc? Unless we are going to completly revamp the wards it is NOT going to work.

What about women who are unable, due to religious/cultural reasons be around men they are not related too? They will be forced to hide away until they go home. How is that fair. The same for women who just feel uncomfortable around men when they are in a particularly vulnerable state.

The men on the ward might all be terribly naice and well behaved but the chances are that a good proportion will not be and unlike the women, they will not be slowed down by the fact they have just given birth.

It only takes one tosser to totally upset the ward. Enough family members do it now without inviting them to stay overnight when most hospitals have hugely reduced stafff members (including security).

It wont affect me - I am done having babies (sob) and I wouldnt give birth in a hospital unless I absolutly HAD to anyway.

I do not think this is the way forward at all. I dont think the attitudes to fathers will change overnight. You will simply have a ward full of men still being treated as spare parts.

What we need is better resourced maternity wards rather than gimmicks like this.

It's just impractical isn't it though? There is not enough room- those hospital chairs are not made for sleeping. Would the nhs be expected to provide blankets? Double beds even? And there would be twice as many people using the loo, therefore twice as much cleaning to be done. I would not want to share a loo with strange men at the best of times, let alone when I have just given birth! If they stayed the night would they expect to use the showers? Would the nhs be expected to provide breakfast for these partners?

In an ideal world there would be private rooms with facilities for partners to stay. But it is not an ideal world and there are much better uses of public money!

Tbh partners would be much more use getting a good night's sleep and getting the house ready for the mum and baby coming home the next day.

It's just impractical isn't it though? There is not enough room- those hospital chairs are not made for sleeping. Would the nhs be expected to provide blankets? Double beds even? And there would be twice as many people using the loo, therefore twice as much cleaning to be done. I would not want to share a loo with strange men at the best of times, let alone when I have just given birth! If they stayed the night would they expect to use the showers? Would the nhs be expected to provide breakfast for these partners?

In an ideal world there would be private rooms with facilities for partners to stay. But it is not an ideal world and there are much better uses of public money!

Tbh partners would be much more use getting a good night's sleep and getting the house ready for the mum and baby coming home the next day.

Not yet harry am due today with my first (but no one seems to have let him know he is meant to be coming out today)

I've known pregnant women on the ward be very upset that their partners couldn't stay when they were admitted as ipatients. This is before the arrival of the baby. Properly upset, sobbing, threatening to leave as they said they couldn't bare to be parted. I'd like to post what I thought at the time but I'm not sure I can put it into words.

Saggy, for many of us the midwives wouldn't let us have the curtains drawn as they had to keep a check on us.

agree with every word of ImperialBlether and can't believe there are still people out there who think men sleeping on postnatal wards is actually a viable, workable and fair idea.

Bloody hell, 6 hrs? DH was lucky to get anywhere near me for well over 6 weeks!

Anyway. I don't think people are spineless as such, I just think that until facilities are such that there are private rooms easily available to those who want (all, I expect) I think the privacy and dignity of post natal women should be respected.

I'm currently trying to work out where to have dc2...tis tough.

*But Imperial there is often no need to go on a PN ward. I also do not understand why people go unless there is a medical need to do so, although of course it is their choice.

I will not be and I think it is presented to women as something they have to do or need to do when often neither applies.*

Early discharges from Labour ward are possible, but vast majority of women come to pn ward- maybe they have some complications (major or minor) likewise the baby, either may need antibiotics, additional pain relief or to ensure infant feeding established. Women who have had an epidural for example, need to have regained full use of legs and that bladder is functioning again - not likely within few hours and therefore appropriate to be on PN ward as Labour Ward does not have space or staff for women to remain there for several hours/days

Fortunately I don't know the ins and outs of childrens wards Booyhoo. But it would not be necessary for me to be hospitalised unless I was also sick and in that case I could not care for the baby. I am sure a solution would be found. Did you ask what the options were for your baby's care ? Why were you hospitalised if you were not also sick? Do you think it's a good thing that parents are denied access to their ill children?

I actually wished people would be more thoughtful about amount of visitors - there is not much space ,and hardly any privacy
I had a terrible time with dd and then lay in bed the next day exhausted and anaemic, whilst the woman opposite me was allowed 8 visitors at the same time, 6 were men, I pulled my curtains but everytime someone moved past they whooshed apart and they all gawked at me, I was so utterly miserable