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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

999 replies

moogster1a · 15/11/2011 12:39

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

OP posts:

CustardCake · 15/11/2011 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 15/11/2011 18:45

quietlyafraid I am so sorry you feel so wretched but surely you must understand why other women are so opposed?

Is there any option for you to pay privately or for you to have a homebirth or a private room?

crashdoll · 15/11/2011 18:45

"EFF OFF to the people saying - have a homebirth or get a private room. THEY NEED TO BUILD MORE PRIVATE ROOMS AND ALLOW FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T HAVE HOMEBIRTHS."

Quietlyafraid

Our NHS is seriously strapped for cash. This should not be top of the priority list. In fact, it shouldn't even be on the priority list. The NHS is such a shambles atm. The care from HCPs on the wards (including post natal) needs to be improved first.

eminencegrise · 15/11/2011 18:47

Exactly, Custard!

oldraver · 15/11/2011 18:48

Ms Scarlett.. your posts are bizarre, can you tell us of your experiences so I can understand where your coming from.

Going onto a Post Natal ward is pretty much the norm. Unless you homebirth or go home straight form the delivery ward (on the 4/6 hour discharge) you WILL be sent to a Post Natal ward. And believe me with all the cuts and shortages nowadays you will be discharged as soon as possible. They dont really want to keep you there than for more than is possible

< oldraver wishes she could of escaped a bit quicker than she did>

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 15/11/2011 18:49

Yes HarryHill, he'd refuse and I'd refuse to let him. If it was insisted upon, for whatever reason, then I would leave too. If I wasn't well enough to leave I wouldn't be well enough to look after a baby either. I cannot see a situation in which they would make us leave if our baby was ill, if it occurred you'd find me in the corridor outside.

I have never been in a side room or got lucky, eminencegrise.

Alouisee · 15/11/2011 18:49

The people who seem to be more pro it are the people who havnt actually given birth yet.

BeerTricksPotter · 15/11/2011 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AprilAl · 15/11/2011 18:52

Bruffin, what exactly do your attempts to get personal and be offensive add to this argument? I'd suggest it's not me who needs to grow up

eminencegrise · 15/11/2011 18:52

I see, Scarlett, so you were not on a post-natal ward then? I am confused. You say you have had a full-term birth and two late losses. So you were discharged straight from the delivery suite with the full-term birth and had a private room for the losses?

ohanotherone · 15/11/2011 18:53

I feel like this too...was on a 6 bay postnatal ward for 7 days after DS was born in London hospital. Felt really uncomfortable about amount of men visiting and using the ward toilets, no privacy at all. Think all new hospitals should have individual rooms.

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 15/11/2011 18:53

Msacarlett, I don't think you understand how it works.

You will be in a postnatal ward unless you can be discahrged earlier. Your DH will be asked to leave . He will leave peacefully or he will be physically removed, you do need to understand that. You are absolutely within your rights to leave with him.

It will be insisted upon, he will be removed so you both had better accept that or come up with an alternative birth plan.

OddBoots · 15/11/2011 18:55

Hospital security can and will (with police help if needed) physically remove people from a hospital ward if they refuse to leave when asked to by staff.

eminencegrise · 15/11/2011 18:55

Additionally, if your baby is considered medically unable to leave safely, the staff may alert Social Services and you might not be able to take the baby with you.

bruffin · 15/11/2011 18:56

slave I spent far too long on a ward with people who had no regards for the other people. i met some lovely ladies, but there were some women who were a nightmare. I got very little sleep as it was and I was supposed to be relaxing.

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 15/11/2011 18:57

"I cannot see a situation in which they would make us leave if our baby was ill, if it occurred you'd find me in the corridor outside."

as i said before. my son stopped breathing after he was born and so the staff strongly advised me that he stay to be monitored for 24 hours before being discharged. he was not critically ill. so EXP would not have needed to or been allowed to stay. he was feeding fine, sleeping etc but there was a risk he would stop breathing again. i could not take that risk and be over an hour away from hospital, so we stayed. EXP couldn't. what would you have done in this situation?

TheCatInTheHairnet · 15/11/2011 18:58

It's a hospital, not a hotel. I don't think there should be anyone staying overnight except for the actual patients in a post natal ward. I couldn't think of anything worse than having just given birth, and having to listen to 3 other snoring, farting men as well as my husband!

VivaLeBeaver · 15/11/2011 18:58

Missscarlett, a woman threatening to leave if her partner couldn't stay wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd have her discharge done ASAP and be thankful of one less person to look after.

And where I am a partner couldn't go and fetch formula. It's locked up like a controlled drug so only a midwife can issue it. More work for us.

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 15/11/2011 19:02

Sure, oldraver. I've been thinking about it actually.

I had a late loss and chose to go home and do it naturally. I had a home birth and the MWs left 40 minutes after DD's birth. I had another late loss this one was induced, straight into delivery suite and discharged from there less than an hour after birth. Both my nephews were born in hospitals and I visited both of them at home within 12 hours of their births, one in the morning and one in the evening. My best friend had two home births. Another friend had three c-sections and so stayed in hospital. Another friend went to be induced at two weeks over and was in for a few days prior to her daughter's birth but then had a C-section so was in for 2 days after as well. I met my god daughter at her home at one day old, I don't think they stayed in the hospital either. A further friend sadly lost a baby to stillbirth and stayed in after that, and then had a c-section with her second baby. DH's BF's wife had a planned c-section for a breech baby afaik and then a home birth. And my cousin had 3 c-sections then a home birth.

I've just not ever come across people staying overnight in hospital just for birth and not for induction/illness/loss/surgery. Thanks for letting me explore that list, I've been wondering how I've clearly got it so wrong.

Viva, it wouldn't be a threat, it'd just be true, I wouldn't be saying it to make you let him stay.

oldraver · 15/11/2011 19:03

Also Mis Scarlett....If your baby is ill and you are not lucky enough to be in a hospital that has accomodation on the SCBU ward you WILL be seperated from your baby, you will have to go home and spend time going back and forth to the hospital

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 15/11/2011 19:04

scarlett what would you have done in my situation?

VivaLeBeaver · 15/11/2011 19:04

If a baby is I'll enough to warrant both parents staying it would be on scbu where parents are allowed 24/7.

If baby is on post natal ward it isn't I'll enough to warrant the father staying overnight. If baby needs medical treatment but the mother threatens to remove the baby if the father couldn't stay the it's quite possible that social services would be involved. There would be concerns about the parents if they were prepared to leave without letting the baby have potentially life saving treatment.

I've seen women threaten to leave and take baby who is having treatment just because they're bored of being in hospital. They have not been allowed to take baby but have been told they're welcome to go themselves.

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 15/11/2011 19:05

Here'sthething - it is really hard for me to believe that anyone wouldn't allow an ill baby's parents to stay with that baby, regardless of circumstances. If the baby needs to stay then the parents need to stay with it, I would ask to be moved to a different part of the hospital that could accomodate that. Even if it was just a waiting room.

tiredgranny · 15/11/2011 19:05

our local postnatal ward is all single rooms infact the whole hospital is single rooms

VivaLeBeaver · 15/11/2011 19:06

Wish iPad wouldn't change ill to I'll. Really annoys me.

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