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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To talk to my best friend about her drunken behaviour at the weekend?

116 replies

GoForthAndSwivel · 14/11/2011 12:47

I went to my friends for a couple of drinks and a get together on Saturday night which ended up with us going to the pub. My friend was borderline drunk when I got there at 8.45pm and could barely stand by the time we got to the pub at 10.30. Her DP and myself hadn't drank that much and we both felt her behaviour in the pub to be immature, ridiculous and frankly, embarrassing.

She was being loud, crass, obnoxious. Her DP had a word with her which led to her complaining about him to me, but as I was sober, I told her he had a fair point. At this time she started crying whilst barely able to sit on the stall and stormed out.

We discovered her in another pub, all over a bloke. She could hardly keep her eyes open and stringing a sentence together was beyond her at this point. I'd had enough by this time so went home. My other friend who was with us informed me in the morning that said friend had fallen over and gashed her head.

Now, I may sound 'mumsy' but I can't stand going out with her when she gets like this. She's a 25 year old woman who knows her alcohol limits, not a 17 year old going wild.

Do I talk to her about her behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
GoForthAndSwivel · 14/11/2011 13:56

She's what you would call a hardened drinker. She had had 5 double vodkas by 7pm (she was in the pub watching the football) And she isn't a slim woman, which I assume is from the high levels of alcohol consumed each weekend.

She hasn't had the best of years but her bahaviour is no different to when she was 18... It's just the way she is.

OP posts:
FellatioNelson · 14/11/2011 13:57

I like to get pissed occasionally but I find people like this a pain in the arse. I probably wouldn't confront her, maybe tick her off a bit in a gentle jokey way, but I would start to avoid going out with her if it became a regular thing.

I don't mind people getting drunk at all, but I can't stand people getting obnoxious, argumentative or embarrassing or putting themselves or others into dangerous/awkward situations. Nothing sobers me up quicker.

Original poster
GoForthAndSwivel · 14/11/2011 13:58

By assume I mean I know. A many a time she has said for her to lose weight all she'd need to do is cutout alcohol.

OP posts:
spugglers · 14/11/2011 13:59

W&P if someone from my peer group had said that to me I think I would have been embarrassed and calmed down (I think). Fact is getting completely legless and putting yourself at risk should not be seen as a rite of passage.

We need to talk about why people do this to themselves. I woke up drunk on a tube train so out of it that I begged two strangers (male) to take me home because I was too tired to read the tube map. Behaviour like that is pathetic and dangerous. We need to stop laughing at people and make them take responsibility for their actions.

TheRhubarb · 14/11/2011 13:59

Oh well, I'd be concerned too. She was all over a man in a different pub, away from her dp and friends. This is concerning behaviour as she could potentially put herself in danger.

I've had my fair share of drunken escapades but when women start vomiting all over their shoes, with their tits hanging out and hair all over their face then it's time to leave. It's almost on a par with men who get pissed and start intimindating people and shouting lewd remarks to passing women. It's embarrassing and I don't think I would stay friends with them if they did that EVERY weekend. You can overlook the odd lapse which turns into a rather nice and funny tale for Mumsnet although if they can remember then they obviously weren't that pissed but every weekend is a bit much, esp if you have to babysit her because of her behaviour.

I would back up the dp and tell her truthfully that you go out to let your hair down and not to have to babysit some drunken idiot.

sozzledchops · 14/11/2011 13:59

OP, your painting a really attractive picture of her...

LemonDifficult · 14/11/2011 13:59

Well, could you try dieting with her?

sozzledchops · 14/11/2011 14:02

I used to go to night clubs and go to the loos, lock the cubicle door and have a kip on the floor... then rejoin the festivities... not really the way to go.

wannaBe · 14/11/2011 14:04

the thing is that getting in this state is considered more acceptable than staying sober.

I was actually teetotal until I was about 27, not for any moral reasons but because I just don't like the taste of most alcohol, and even now I can happily drink coke all night and it really doesn't bother me.

But the amount of times that people used to say that "well, you really have to drink to have a good time/you can't have a good time if you're sober/I'd love to spike your drink to see what you're like when you're drunk..." Shock Shock Shock

How is it we've got to a point where being drunk every weekend is considered the accepted norm over staying sober?

ArtVandelay · 14/11/2011 14:05

Or try a different kind of night out. I was thinking of doing an ironic 'nice ladies' spa evening at my house so we could still get togther but run less risk of getting into trouble. We are all as bad as each other and we are older than your friend :(

fatfleur · 14/11/2011 14:10

25, good on her. Grin Wait till she gets really hold like me and still does that

Original poster
GoForthAndSwivel · 14/11/2011 14:11

I gotta laugh at the 'diet with her' comment!

If I did that, I'd be accused of having an eating disorder.

OP posts:
WineAndPizza · 14/11/2011 14:13

Spugglers I was honestly asking out of interest - sorry if that sounded sarky. I think when I've got in a state I know I've gone too far and would be so embarrassed by someone talking to me about it that I'd probably be defensive and try to ignore it.

OP how do you think your friend would react?

LordAlconleighsEntrenchingTool · 14/11/2011 14:13

I would be horizontal after 5 double vodkas.

And as funny as I think the stories are now, at the time I was mortified re the riot van. I certainly would be worried about someone who got in that state every weeklend.

WineAndPizza · 14/11/2011 14:14

What by not drinking every weekend you'd be accused of having an eating disorder?! Confused I thought that's all she'd need to do to lose weight?

spugglers · 14/11/2011 14:19

W&P maybe I would have responded like you. I don't know.

wannaBe · 14/11/2011 14:21

I think someone who drinks five double vodkas by 8:00 on a saturday night, every saturday night is probably past the point of needing a bit of a word and is probably into alcoholic teratory.

Bearing in mind you don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic...

Snorbs · 14/11/2011 14:42

I must be getting old. There are few things more dull than being around piss-artists who get tragically and incoherently drunk every weekend. And then go on to pull such tediously immature stunts like going off in a strop and getting off with someone else because their DP had had the temerity to mention that they were being drunk and arsey.

But, of course, it's those of us who find such performances dreary who are the "boring" ones... Hmm

deburca · 14/11/2011 14:46

goforth it wouldnt take you to have a nite out with some of my friends, or indeed myself at times!

I think we have all done embarrassing things when drunk, I normally get up the next day and spend about 2 hours crying about it - in fact the first time I went to meet my now dh's family for the first time I ended up getting hammered, dropping things and getting sick on the bed we were sleeping in Blush Blush. Luckily they could see the funny side of it, though I definitely had a crying morning the morning after.

Why not sit her down and ask her is all ok, she might well have just had a pissed night but she may also be upset about something else also.

ditzymitzy2 · 14/11/2011 14:46

I hope when you left her DP stuck around - I wouldn't leave someone alone in that state.

Ha! Seriously if someone had a word in my shell like for getting pissed and then "confronted" me about it after the weekend was over...well, I think that would be it for our friendship...

so you have to be responsible for someone else, but are not allowed to mention how appallingly they behave?? Err no thanks, drunks are boring company. If they want to get out their tree, good luck to them, how they get home is their affair

shagmundfreud · 14/11/2011 15:04

I think it says everything about our attitude to alcohol that someone can drink to the point of being seriously incapacitated and vulnerable to harm and the response is a wry laugh and an intimation that not only is the person in question
fine to do this but it's actually quite funny.

No wonder the NHS is on its knees from having to deal with the consequences of binge drinking. Hmm

If the OP had described her friend being coked out of her head to the point of being incoherent/having accidents you can guarantee it would be a veritable forest of cats bums mouths on AIBU.

Alouisee · 14/11/2011 15:20

I think, because it's such a regular occurrence that she has got a problem.

NinkyNonker · 14/11/2011 15:42

You could just jokingly say you won't be going out with her again after last time, done repeatedly it might sink in.

BupcakesandCunting · 14/11/2011 16:05

"this thread makes me proud to be a brit!!!!! love the fact that binge drinkling and acting like a drunken twat are a completly OK thing to do when your are 25!!!! yay!!!!! AYA NAPA"

Is it OK to act like a drunken twat at 31?

Alouisee · 14/11/2011 16:15

Binge Drinkling? Buppy you are priceless! :o