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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To talk to my best friend about her drunken behaviour at the weekend?

116 replies

GoForthAndSwivel · 14/11/2011 12:47

I went to my friends for a couple of drinks and a get together on Saturday night which ended up with us going to the pub. My friend was borderline drunk when I got there at 8.45pm and could barely stand by the time we got to the pub at 10.30. Her DP and myself hadn't drank that much and we both felt her behaviour in the pub to be immature, ridiculous and frankly, embarrassing.

She was being loud, crass, obnoxious. Her DP had a word with her which led to her complaining about him to me, but as I was sober, I told her he had a fair point. At this time she started crying whilst barely able to sit on the stall and stormed out.

We discovered her in another pub, all over a bloke. She could hardly keep her eyes open and stringing a sentence together was beyond her at this point. I'd had enough by this time so went home. My other friend who was with us informed me in the morning that said friend had fallen over and gashed her head.

Now, I may sound 'mumsy' but I can't stand going out with her when she gets like this. She's a 25 year old woman who knows her alcohol limits, not a 17 year old going wild.

Do I talk to her about her behaviour?

OP posts:

LordAlconleighsEntrenchingTool · 14/11/2011 13:22

I reckon LOADS of people have laid down in front of riot vans

BeerTricksPotter · 14/11/2011 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

GoForthAndSwivel · 14/11/2011 13:25

DP wasn't anywhere scary, he has just got back from doing a course at another base.
Our other friend couldn't be bothered to handle her so pissed off to another pub. She goes out with her every weekend and hen I told her she had stormed off crying, she just rolled her eyes and said 'here we go again. I ain't following her, leave her to it.'

And to the PP who said about why taker her to a pub when in such a state... I can't tell her what to do. If I told her not to go out, she'd laugh in my face. It's not that easy.

I just want to say to her that maybe 12 hour drinking every weekend isn't good for her...

OP posts:

Proudnscary · 14/11/2011 13:27

GoForth - seriously I would just butt out. It will end badly if you 'helpfully' inform her heavy drinking isn't good for her. I know it's painful to watch, but she is very young. I grew out of it. If you can't bear it, don't go drinking with her. See her for a coffee etc.

Original poster

GoForthAndSwivel · 14/11/2011 13:29

I know 25 is still young but for someone who has been out on the lash practically every weekend for 7 years, maybe now is the time to see it doesn't do her any good. She knows her limit, why does she insist on ruining herself every weekend?

I sound like a boring old woman don't I? :o

I'm just concerned, thats all.

OP posts:

LemonDifficult · 14/11/2011 13:30

I wouldn't say anything. She'll know this isn't normal behaviour, and her DP will tell her as well. I don't think you will have much influence and you might just piss her off. People who are still behaving like this at 25 are often a bit unstable or stressed out or whatever and you may as well realise that that's not in your control.

That doesn't mean you have to pick up the pieces or stick around while she's being a twat. Just avoid her on Saturday nights, meet up with her when you know she'll be sober and be there for her when she wants to talk normally. Try not to be too judgemental as it sounds like there are others doing that already. It's nice to be the non-judgey one sometimes.

FWIW, I've found it very useful to be friends with good-hearted wild types and screw ups. From a pragmatic point of view, if you ever screw up yourself you always have someone to call who won't judge you too harshly or who can empathise with someone being a bit vulnerable and out of control. You never know when life is going to deal you a bit of a sticky patch.

LordAlconleighsEntrenchingTool · 14/11/2011 13:31

Desparate for pregnantpause to come back and confirm that either (a) it was probably me she saw drunkenly laughing on the floor surrounded by coppers or (b) there is someone else in england who behaves like that when drunk

LemonDifficult · 14/11/2011 13:31

Sorry, OP, I may have got the wrong end of the stick. Are you concerned that her behaviour is out of control? Or are you worried that she's physically addicted to drink?

Original poster

GoForthAndSwivel · 14/11/2011 13:32

Proud - I can see where you're coming from but I don't really see her in social situations unless it's a full blown bender. So I feel obliged going along with it. Even though I hate it.

OP posts:

ArtVandelay · 14/11/2011 13:33

The only thing that would concern me about your friend is that she's doing it every weekend. I still don't think you can say anything unless she comes to you about it.

FWIW my friends and I went on an absolute rampage this weekend. I am horrified at our lairy behaviour. Its only the second time this year though so I'm not so worried but I have decided to lay off drinking until I feel I can trust myself to drink sensibly again i.e. not ride my bike home at 5 in the morning, pissed out of my head with no lights on

Its all fun and games but what if I'd rode my bike into the river or been hit by a car? Thats what would be bothering me about your friend. The being a daft mare bit - well thats just that...

Alconleigh · 14/11/2011 13:36

I agree with Lemon - I was like that at 25, I'm not at 35.

I have nothing else to add, but was excited by 2 other Mitford-related user names being on the thread so thought I'd chip in.

AnotherEmptyNest · 14/11/2011 13:37

WordsonaPage

You have it quite right and it doesn't stop at 25. This group of friends here have known one another for more than 50 years so have seen a lot worse. We don't go to pubs though we used to. We have parties at our houses so our 'scenes' are not public. We do have drivers though and they do not drink alcohol.

If I were in a pub or restaurant (same with my friends) we would know where to toe the line and would not make fools of ourselves.

Leave it to your friend's DP.

MrsPennySworth · 14/11/2011 13:37

Everyone has been through that horrible moment when you open your eyes following The Night Before and cringe at the things you said/did. Best for everyone around you to just forget about it all but the worse thing is if someone insists on telling you all the things you said/did!

At 25 she is still young - sounds like normal behaviour for her age!

Everyone has different ideas of what they want out of a night out though so if your not clicking in that department maybe you should stick to seeing her in the daytime. She'll settle down and become boring like most of us do eventually (me included!) but she's obviously not ready for that yet so I'd just cut her some slack. I would be a bit cat bums face about her hanging off another bloke though when she has a partner but then I'm a bit of a boring prude about things like that!

LordAlconleighsEntrenchingTool · 14/11/2011 13:38

at the Mitfords.

All we need now are the Mners called TheMitfordsMaid, LadyMountdore, LindaRadlett and OhDoAdmit to come on the thread

LoveInAColdClimate · 14/11/2011 13:38

Serenitysutton · 14/11/2011 13:40

like proud and scary I took a long time to mature around booze- i still have too much now on occasion but I was totally immature, like a kid in a sweet shop who just drank because i could- and because I had some hard partying friends.

Its self control and self disipline and not sure about anyone else but those qualities came quite late to me and still aren't perfected- obviously some people never gain them at all- I can't see what talking to her could do?

seasidesister · 14/11/2011 13:42

She's 25 and in her head probably having fun, not playing safe etc.. but there is probably a reason why she feels the need to get so trashed. You are her friend, does she confide in you?

If it was you in that situation what would you want from your friends? support? advice? a bit of respect? to be left alone to get trashed every weekend?

MissTapestry · 14/11/2011 13:43

Round these parts a Black Maria is the van that takes dead bodies away! So I was when you said you'd laid down in front of one

porcamiseria · 14/11/2011 13:45

this thread makes me proud to be a brit!!!!! love the fact that binge drinkling and acting like a drunken twat are a completly OK thing to do when your are 25!!!! yay!!!!! AYA NAPA

OP its a hard one, just dont sound even remotely preachy thats my advice

Alconleigh · 14/11/2011 13:45

Some sort of hunting bugle would gather the Mitford massive, surely?

Sorry OP, I should stop Mitford-related wibbling on your thread.

molly3478 · 14/11/2011 13:47

I had 4 cans of strongbow and 1 alcopop at a bbq last year and I was so hammered I left everyone in the nightclub and attempted to sleep on the town hall steps. I was ridiculously hammered. Some times drnk affects you hard especially if she is not overweight and comes from nowhere

WineAndPizza · 14/11/2011 13:50

Spugglers what would you have done at 25 if one of your mates had told you to calm it down?

I am of a similar age and have a very very good friend who often overdoes it - I have talked to her gently about it when sober and she agrees she needs to be more careful - it doesn't stop her next time we go out though.

She is a brilliant girl and if part of our friendship means I have to put her in a cab/take her home/stop her lying down in front of riot vans every now and then it's fine. She'd do the same for me. She's young, free and single and she'll grow out of it.

molly3478 · 14/11/2011 13:52

I agree with shiley I have been completed rowdy on 2 glasses of wine before on numerous occasions. Im skinny it just affects me hard. I have blatantly had rowdy nights due to it but I am not even a big drinker.

sozzledchops · 14/11/2011 13:53

I've drank way too much and done so many stupid and dangerous things, many, many times. Still doesn't really make it ok or desirable, especially if it's a weekly event. Is this really how we want things for our kids to be?

wannaBe · 14/11/2011 13:56

tbh I am slightly that people think that 25 is still young enough to act quite so irresponsibly. 25 is an adult - she is not a child who doesn't know any better.

Am also a bit that others think behaving like this is a blast. Really, being out with people who habitually behave like this is rather embarrassing. As an occasional thing - perhaps, as saturday nightly occurrence - I'd be keeping my distance, personally.

I have an extremely low tolerance threshold for alcohol and also have no middle ground, so I literally can go from sober one minute to out of it the next - within the space of two glasses of wine. Only once have I been so embarrassingly drunk that I A, sent a picture of myself to a male friend (fortunately it wasn't anything embarrassing but still ), B, went home and had a row with my dh which I don't actually remember having, C, woke up the next morning and realized that not only did I not remember getting home, but I didn't know how I got home, D, threw up before going on the school run, and E, went back home to bed and slept off my hangover until lunchtime.

And I remember thinking at the time that I couldn't imagine why anyone would actively choose to go and get into that state every weekend.

So now I don't drink wine at all.

I probably wouldn't say anything to her, she's an adult, she knows how much she's drinking, tbh I would question whether she is perhaps alcohol dependent if she needs to drink that much, that regularly. But I would just not go out with her any more if she insists on getting into that state.

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