to not understand the benefits of getting married?

[RitaMorgan]

Putting aside the romantic and religious reasons or the big party/lots of presents (lovely as that would be).

What exactly are the benefits of legally being married over just cohabiting, for a woman with children?

DP very definitely doesn't want to get married, I would quite like a big party/lots of presents but am not sure if there is any point to it beyond that.

AIBU? Should I be insisting on a trip to the Register Office?

The next-of-kin thing needs some revision really. I was aware that it meant nothing legally but with so many couples not being married, it does seem slightly archaic. In theory, you could be separated and not yet divorced and he'd still be your NOK?

I just wanted to come back to this comment above briefly

"Unmarried parents are three times more likely to split up before the child is 5 than married parents. (Millennium Cohort Study)"

As I understand it though (please correct me if i'm wrong) - these figures aren't really comparing like with like; you've got one night stands that produced kids, short relationships, friendswithbenefits that had an accident etc etc. You aren't comparing committed couples choosing to start a family with a married couple choosing to start a family - so the figures make it look far far worse than it actually is for the type of situation we are talking about here.

Having been widowed I would ask the question 'why wouldn't you get married?', legally and financially you are much better of in the event of one of you dying prematurely etc.

One more thing (really should type faster and get it all in one post - sorry!) If you have co-op membership (basically free) you get free legal advice. They can't actually do your wills etc for you, but if you wanted some clarity on your legal position, what rights etc you actually have, you can join up and call them pretty much straight away and get proper legal advice - absolutely free!

YOur interpretation is correct, I think trope, The useful comparison would be long-term (to be defined!) unmarried relationships v married relationships.

lurker - what loose ends do you mean?

Inheritance tax and inheritance tax dodges will only effect a small minority of people anyway.

DidYouSmashHerShireHorses not flaming you at all (as you are completely entitled to your opinion) - but would like to point out that in your family perhaps you did need to get married for your DH to feel like a relative - that doesn't mean it's the case for everyone. It isn't the case for my DP; he is absolutely family and feels like it and can take the piss/disagree/tease and be teased by my biological family just as though he was born into it. It really would make zero difference if we were married. But that's just us though - each to their own! :)

Wow, so much for romance and commitment and all that

I've been married for most of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I don't want a boyfriend and partners are business associates.I am Mrs and a wife and I love it.

It also pisses off the MIL something chronic so an added bonus!

swedishedith absolutely agree - the legal situation with next of kin urgently needs revising - it's a mess. Until tonight I wasn't aware of the exception under the mental health act, i'm not sure it bothers me enough to change my mind about getting married though.

Personally I jsut wish the government would open up civil partnership to the rest of us (as they keep vaguely suggesting they might); the legal benefits without the ideological baggage of being "husband and wife" - would be perfect for me & DP!

Means your kids won't be bastards. Simple. You don't need a big party, protect yourself and your children. Simple.

According to an old BBC article about 90% of estates don't pay inheritance tax.

Therefore 1 in 10 do.

The inheritance tax threshold is any estate > £325 000.

The average house is £241 000. The average death in service benefit is 2 x annual salary. The average salary is £25 000.

Ergo (assuming life insurance to cover mortgage) average estate = £290 000.

You only need another £30K in assests (assuming property is in sole name of person who died, obv. no one in Mumsnet will be in this position as you now know that property in joint names escapes inheritance tax) but assuming you don't know that it is very easy to fall over the IHT threshold.

'Means your kids won't be bastards'

and people said my posts were rude

Marriage/CP isn't love and commitment; they can be amply demonstrated in other arrangements.

Marriage/CP is about property. It's a convenient way to acquire a number of useful protections. And the only way to become legal NOK (especially useful abroad, or of you fall out with, or have different ethical views from, the person who would otherwise be NOK - trust me, you don't want to find out when something has gone wrong).

It is the only way to secure spousal exemption from IHT. This will have hard cash value to anyone who owns their own home in the SE (as thresholds haven't kept up with property prices). It's never fun to pay IHT. It's even less fun when you have to downsize to meet a bill that you could have secured a legal exemption from.

Lots of weddings are absolutely horrible things, expensive, you're forced to have presents, be the center of attention, act a particular way, talk to people you don't want to see on a good day let alone pay for. Of course you can ignore all that and just walk into a registry office and come out a few weeks later with just a couple of -strangers off the street- friends to be in attendance and not spend more than 200quid.

Yet lots of peoples families will go ranting on mumsnet saying AIBU to expect DC to invite me to their wedding, and whilst not everyone will support the idea that they should be invited - people do care. So why when it means nothing to you - carries minimal benefits as has been explained here is it worth the heartache to DFamily of telling them they're not invited and not to send any presents. Or to put yourselves through something you don't want and end up with a wedding you hate.

I am married, but I'd be in no different position if I wasn't, I once many years ago said I wouldn't have a child with anyone I didn't marry, the PR change in 200whatever changed that.

"Personally I jsut wish the government would open up civil partnership to the rest of us"

I am being a bit dim here, but what is the difference between civil partnerships and marriage?

Bunbaker You get the IHT advantages without the hassle of being "married"

Ideological.

I'm not into the 'churchy' side of marriage but don't feel as strongly as trope does to jeopordise my assets in what is essentially a political stance.

Either that or I'm more materialistic.

I also don't have kids or protokids so a lot of this, is for me, fairly academic. I have a will, I have a document which outlines my wishes should I end up in a variety of unpleasant situations. I've promised to haunt my sister if she doesn't ensure they my wishes are carried out........what more could a girl want!

What's hassley about being married?

lurkerspeaks If you own your property as Joint Tennants then the house wouldn't be part of the estate. Given that - why would you do anything else (unless you had lots of money and were guaranteed to be hit by IHT and wanted to reduce total tax in the end as the free to the spouse doesn't make the tax disappear, it just postpones it until spouse dies)

Bunbaker as FredFredGeorge said it's about gaining the legal benefits, without the ideological baggage of a "marriage". I'm no ones "wife" - DP and I are partners. I don't like the patriarchal history/reasons for marriage and I don't want to be part of it as an institution. I also don't like the way some people change their view of you, expectations of you & your partners roles etc (have seen it happen/heard about it from lots of people I know who have married). If I can protect DP and I legally without dealing with all that - why wouldn't I? :)

And again, to be absolutely clear as some people are taking comments like mine as attacking marriage, this is about my personal reasons and personal view of marriage. Other people see it differently, believe that marriage is what you want it to be etc. That's absolutely fine - I truly believe in each to their own - but it's not for me.

But Bunbaker what are the hassles of being married? Esp in comparison to a civil partnership?