AIBU for being angry at my saintly husband?

[MarianneM]

This is going to sound bizarre, but...
We were both invited to a housewarming tonight by a local couple. We agreed DH would go and I will put the DCs to bed. Party starts at 8.30pm. So at 8pm DDs and I settle in the bedroom, I read lots of stories, I put them to bed, wait for them to fall asleep, which always takes a long time... Keep hearing DH faffing and pottering around, washing dishes (!) and the time ticks on. It's 9.30pm, it has been quiet for a while so I think he must be gone, but I haven't heard the door go. Girls still not asleep, but it's fine. I look out of the bedroom door, and there sits DH, all combed and perfumed, waiting. I ask him what he is waiting for, and he says he is waiting until DDs have fallen asleep. Dishes all washed, dinner mess (girls make a huge mess at mealtimes) cleared up, everything just so. And I...suddenly feel so ANNOYED with him! It's hard to put my finger on exactly what I find so irritating about this...

Do you think it's veiled criticism of your ability to put the children to bed on your own?

Or does he not really want to go to party?

What exactly is the problem? That your husband is nice?!

Is it that it implies you can't put them to bed on your own?

Or if he's not like that, that he's being clingy and you wanted some time on your own?

What are you both like normally?

YABU.

It feels a tad patronising perhaps...

Runningwilde - yes, he is being too nice! Too self-denying, too "I just wanted to make sure you're alright, dear" (no he didn't say that).

We never get to go out, it feels such a waste for him to sit and wait when we agreed that he would go! But he still means to go...I don't know, I told you it sounds bizarre.

I am more concerned that it takes you an hour and half to put your children to bed and they are still not asleep!

And shouldnt the baby sitter be putting them to bed?

What hebe said as well, does he really want to go?

Or is he going because he thinks he should/you think he should?

YABU. I don't get what the problem is really.

I don't know why you don't read them a story, say goodnight and go downstairs. Why not get a babysitter and both go?

Probably YABU. But I well know that feeling of annoyance when people are being perfectly nice, I don't understand it either but it happens.

No, he wants to go! I guess he is just concerned that I cannot manage on my own (DDs are hard work to put to bed).

For some reason I've always found it annoying when people go to parties - or just out - really late. Especially if invited to a party, IMO you need to turn up on time or near enough. People who turn up really late want to "make an entrance", and I think it's just rude! And besides, I don't want him coming back at 2am or something, we're a family, and were planning to go see the Lord Mayor's Show tomorrow!

Never mind your DH's "strange" behaviour - how the blinking flip does it take 1.5 hours to get the DDs to bed???

I think he feels guilty about going out and leaving you and wanted to make it as easy as he could for you and stay till you had things settled rather than skipping out gaily asap.

!.5 hour bedtimes really do need a look at though!

Maybe you're annoyed that if he was planning on lingering he could have helped with bedtime, especially as he's getting the evening out

Presuming you see bedtime as the bigger or less preferable job to clearing up. Which I know I do at times...

I'm confused as to why you're irritated with DH. But seriously one and a half hours to put the children to bed?!!! Madness.

Leave him

Why are you staying with the DCs after you have put them to bed? It is madness-say goodnight and GO.

Are you not going to the party? Or have i misread you? If you're not going to the party, then no yanbu

Have you considered Relate?

FFS. Go and read the Relationship section........

This'll cheer you up!!

From

" you are worth so much less than that!".

Extreeeemly funny.

Good God, one and a half hours for bedtime!
Mine get a goodnight, God Bless, love you, be good see you in the morning.
The end.

I guess we should have tackled the bedtimes early on, but if we put them to bed, then leave...they will scream and scream and scream. And they would have done when younger too...I just can't leave them to cry themselves to sleep. We're trying to "reason" with DD1 (3) at the moment.

Anyway, I understand IABU, my DH is a very good husband (and father!) indeed, and I am very lucky. It's just that his perfection kind of shines a light on my unreasonableness - which is never fun.

And a glass of wine always helps!

P.S. Pan - what???