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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for being angry at my saintly husband?

78 replies

MarianneM · 11/11/2011 21:47

This is going to sound bizarre, but...
We were both invited to a housewarming tonight by a local couple. We agreed DH would go and I will put the DCs to bed. Party starts at 8.30pm. So at 8pm DDs and I settle in the bedroom, I read lots of stories, I put them to bed, wait for them to fall asleep, which always takes a long time... Keep hearing DH faffing and pottering around, washing dishes (!) and the time ticks on. It's 9.30pm, it has been quiet for a while so I think he must be gone, but I haven't heard the door go. Girls still not asleep, but it's fine. I look out of the bedroom door, and there sits DH, all combed and perfumed, waiting. I ask him what he is waiting for, and he says he is waiting until DDs have fallen asleep. Dishes all washed, dinner mess (girls make a huge mess at mealtimes) cleared up, everything just so. And I...suddenly feel so ANNOYED with him! It's hard to put my finger on exactly what I find so irritating about this...

OP posts:

hopenglory · 12/11/2011 08:25

I'd have been pissed off to find him sitting there - if he wasn't bothered about going out he could have put the kids to bed and you could have gone out to the party!

PaintYouByNumbers · 12/11/2011 08:34

you lot might want to answer the question OP asked, rather than slagging off her bedtime routine! you do it your way ,she will do it hers, it works for her and its perfectly acceptable, so back off the lot of you!

exoticfruits · 12/11/2011 08:37

I think that you are being very unfair-I would bet money on the fact OP wouldn't have let him put them to bed and she wouldn't have gone to the party leaving him at home.
I can't see any reason why they couldn't have got a baby sitter-(other people can cope with your DCs!) and both gone. I bet OP thinks herself indispensible in the bedtime routine (or lack of routine)
I think he is saintly because he lets the whole evening be dominated by when a 3 yr old decides to go to sleep!

exoticfruits · 12/11/2011 08:39

He probably didn't want to go to the party alone. I hate going to them alone.

GalaxyWeaver · 12/11/2011 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 12/11/2011 08:42

I would like OP to say when she last went out alone and let her DH cope-without issuing instructions.

msbossy · 12/11/2011 08:43

OP, to make you feel better about bedtime... It took 4 hours to get my two (almost 3 and 7 months) settled on Thursday. 2 hours isn't unusual for us.

fedupofnamechanging · 12/11/2011 08:47

I would have been more annoyed if I'd spent ages putting the kids to bed and then come downstairs to a kitchen that looked like a bomb site. It's fair division of labour that if you are doing the bedtime routine, he clears up.

Even if he was staying to support you with the kids, then that is a good thing and so much better than a partner who buggers off out and doesn't care about your workload.

paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife · 12/11/2011 08:59

cheeseandmarmitesandwich, Are you me in secret? I could have written that post myself.
I feel like the OP at times, i think when DH get's something so right it highlights how useless I feel in myself. My issue though, not his.

Towndon · 12/11/2011 09:01

Maybe people who go to parties late want to slip in quietly rather than "make an entrance"?

Original poster

MarianneM · 12/11/2011 09:52

Exoticfruits - you've got it a bit wrong. I didn't want to go to the party, and DH did. DH often does their bedtimes, I only do them during the week because I go to work and he is a SAHP. He is really the one with the routines around the house at the moment since he is at home with them.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 12/11/2011 10:45

Sorry-I thought you were one of those 'senior parent' people. Obviously wrong! I also assumed he didn't like parties-just shows you shouldn't make assumptions.

Bogeyface · 12/11/2011 12:23

So did you go to the party Marianne?

I am confused about who your babysitter was, as so far one hasnt been mentioned!

legobuilder · 12/11/2011 12:52

I can totally understand where you are coming from. My DH gets in from work (he's FT and I'm 3 days) and starts helping and running around after the children and asking me how I am and generally getting under my feet. It does my head in. Sit down and shut up you f*ing martyr. IABU, but what am I meant to do about it? Wine helps, as does going out, as does him going out.

calamityboo · 12/11/2011 13:11

bogeyface, i think the plan was dh to go alone and op to do bedtime and stay in - i think, also marianne, are you secretly married to my old man?? He does he same thing, we have a long standing arrangement with our bfs, he goes to see his mate and wify comes to me, every time we have nod from them they are ready he starts emptying the bins and getting school bags ready. Are you feeling a bit like as he is sahp he should be able to go and relax whle you do the parent bit, and what is the point of you going to the effort of the bedtime routine - ftr mumsnet mafia back off, this is their routine i am very pleased that your little darlings are perfect but this wrks for them - if he is then just going to sit there and miss the party which is the whole point of you doing the bedtime, as for the dishes, thats just showing off!!

Bogeyface · 12/11/2011 13:36

OIC, sorry. I read it that she was putting the kids to bed and then joining him, but I have re-read it and see that I was wrong so sorry about that OP!

SoupDragon · 12/11/2011 13:43

WTF? Seriously, get a grip.

Maybe he felt guilty at leaving you to deal with all the shit whilst he went out.

zest01 · 12/11/2011 14:29

The whole thing sounds bizarre to me - sorry. I would know that my hubby had gone out because he would kiss me and say goodbye and I certainly wouldn't be staying up in a room with my DC while they go to bed. Perhaps you and DH should have communicated and you made it clear he was fine to go or him to have offered to stay. The lack of communication just seems a bit alien to me - why wouldn't you both just talk to one another?

PigletJohn · 12/11/2011 14:31

legobuilder Sat 12-Nov-11 12:52:01
"I can totally understand where you are coming from. My DH gets in from work (he's FT and I'm 3 days) and starts helping and running around after the children and asking me how I am and generally getting under my feet. It does my head in."

How awful for you. Why are men such bastards?

Pan · 12/11/2011 14:47

Pure bastardy stuff. You lot are utter angels,and have endless amounts of patience with these trouble-makers.

Pan · 12/11/2011 14:50

Bogeyface · 12/11/2011 18:35

Anyone interested in swapping a selfish dickhead for a bastard?

Bogeyface · 12/11/2011 18:35

That is YOU get the dickhead and I will take your bastard off your hands!

Shutupanddrive · 12/11/2011 19:20

YABVU!! I wish my dp was more like yours!

Original poster

MarianneM · 12/11/2011 21:49

???

I never called my DH a bastard - I said he's a saint :)

It's funny how (understandably) people make quite strange assumptions about you based on a few lines here...

YES, OF COURSE WE COMMUNICATE! I'm sure I said something to him to the effect that he should go once I went to the bedroom with the girls...he is just nice.

It annoyed me yesterday, but hey, I had worked all day, was tired...

But it's all water under the bridge - we had a great day at the Lord Mayor's Show today!

OP posts:

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