To get irritated by friend who often leaves heavy items at my house after a stay and then expects me to post them back?

[perceptionreality]

She is generally quite thoughtless person anyway. But it annoys me the way she comes and then leaves important things like her phone and her charger, big bags of stuff which are heavy and expects me to post them.

Last time I told her to check around the house and she said there was no need! I think she assumes I will post it so she doesn't have to bother but I find it an imposition. AIBU?

Can you post them to her so that she has to pay the postage on delivery?

I don't know eminen - is that possible?

I am foreign I know this is possible in some nations but am not sure about Britain.

YANBU. Next time I'd be vague 'oh have you left something... oh I'll check around...' next time she reminds you 'oh yes, sorry, meant to check around, haven't got around to it' and then finally just before she's due to visit again 'oh yes, found your stuff, you can pick it up when you're here." She'll check more thoroughly when she leaves that time!

YANBU - I'd send her a message saying "I've posted your phone, it cost £xx in packaging, do you want to send me a cheque in the post or would you prefer to have my bank details to do a transfer?"

Next time tell her to look round, tell her that you won't be able to get to the post office for at least a fortnight so if she leaves anything you won't be able to post it back for a few weeks.

Or don't see her at your house. there are B&Bs all over the country and if you see her outside your home then she can deal with their lost property departments...

if you put insufficent postage they will charge her the extra and a bit extra, I've had it happen to me with stuff from ebay

Oh, and if you don't put the correct postage on a package, she will get a note through the door telling her to collect it from the post office and pay the difference...

Does she ever pay you back?

It certainly is an imposition expecting you to post things - so why are you?!

Next time, if she won't check around the house, just say "oh well, if you leave anything here you can collect it next time you come". And if she objects, tell her that she had better check properly before she leaves your house.

ooh or tell her you posted them, and then "oh they must have gotten lost in the post"

yes.. I'm a bad bad person... I'll get my coat

If you post it to her with no stamp/postage label she will have the option to pay on collection from the sorting office. She will also probably become less forgetful.

I would tell her I was keeping some of the property to sell to offset the cost of the postage. I honestly would. I would hold her goods hostage because she has done this not just the once but always.

Voila! Roman, yes, that is a good solution. I had been thinking htere must be a way to post something to someone and then the receiver must pay.

To be honest, I don't find her a very good friend. When I see her she talks mostly about herself and I have a stressful life - lone parent with 3 kids and one who is very disabled. At my post office there is always about half an hour queue and I have a tantrummy toddler.

I feel like she doesn't care and assumes I will do wahtever she wants.

So do not have her over any further. Life is too short for leeches like this who are also tedious. Just let the relationship peter out.

But how can I post it with no label? It will not fit in the post box it's so bloody big and heavy.

Okay... So why are you friends with her? Are you lonely and keeping this friendship going? Is there an old loyalty at work? Why?

Because if it was me, and I didn't like her much and had to keep paying for her stuff, and felt that she didn't care about me.... I'd just dump her.

And her phone.

You're not being unreasonable, but you knew that didn't you?

Note to MNHQ - can we have a 'I'm not being unreasonable come give me ideas I want to whinge' section?

YAdefNBU. Maybe I am a bit harsh, as a one-off accident then fair enough but if this is a habit then next time I would be tempted to bin whatever she has left behind. She will learn then, she is an adult and you DO NOT need to be sorting her out on top off everything else you have to cope with.

So don't post them.

Tell her if she wants them - come and fetch them and if she wants you to post them, she gives you the postage up front.

What's the worst that could happen? She doesn't come to stay with you again.

Result!

If you explain to the staff member in the post office they should sling it in the bag for you. I used to work in a post office and would have done.

I've tried shaking her off in the past and somehow it seems awfully difficult. I knew her from uni and she used to turn up on my doorstep crying when I had a 2 week old baby and expect me to run around after her.

How do you cut people out of your life? I think I need to learn.

Just don't post it, wait till she comes to get it

I am not lonely, I have proper friends but I am not good at cutting people off. I suppose I am afraid of their reaction. It's something I've tried to work on in my counselling sessions - obviously I haven't resolved that yet!

Re cutting people out of your life I am a coward and am usually just 'busy' every time they want to see me until they get the hint.