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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my almost 3yo sleep 10pm - 8am?

129 replies

CountingDown321 · 10/11/2011 21:44

Does anyone else have these sleeping hours for their small children?

Probably not on MN!

He has a 30 minute nap at nursery, and doesn't seem tired, but I do have to wake him up in the mornings...

OP posts:
Original poster
CountingDown321 · 10/11/2011 22:29

SetFiretotheRain, I can't do anything about the naps, nursery puts them all down for quiet time and it's up to them if they fall asleep or not. He doesn't tend to nap at the weekends.

Sidge - this is what I wonder about. Thing is, when I've sent him to bed awake at say 9pm, he does not seem tired at all and will then mess around for an hour before falling asleep. Whereas, if we have some stories at 9:50pm like tonight, he's asleep within minutes afterwards.

OP posts:
MarianneM · 10/11/2011 22:30

Sorry SetFiretotheRain, but Hmm at "a nap is unnecessary at age 3" - SAYS WHO?

We've just spent a year in Finland where DH worked in a nursery and he said that the even many of the pre-schoolers (age 5-6) napped in the afternoon.

Original poster
CountingDown321 · 10/11/2011 22:31

When I say mess around, I don't mean in his room (that would be fine!), I mean getting up a thousand times and looking for us. It doesn't seem worth the hassle when he looks wide awake.

How could I move the bedtime forward for a child who is not tired? Would it just kick in after a few weeks that he has to sleep at the time we say?

OP posts:
BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 10/11/2011 22:32

My 13m old DS sleeps 9-8, or even sometimes (last night) 10-9!
I'm not an early morning person, am glad hes inherited this from me Grin

TrinityRhino · 10/11/2011 22:35

I reckon it would counting but you would have to have a bedtime routine that helps him to wind down, knowing that he not used to going to bed till late

sorry I think 10pm is very late, I go to bed then or before

7 pm for the 6 and 4 year old here and 8pm for the 11 yr old
they get up at 7am school mornings and about then weekends but KNOW not to bother us at the weekend cause we don't have to get up for the school run

SetFiretotheRain · 10/11/2011 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrinityRhino · 10/11/2011 22:37

I agree with if you are having to wake them they are not getting enough sleep

MarianneM · 10/11/2011 22:40

Well it may be different for parents whose children go to nursery but ours are at home so they are never woken up!

skybluepearl · 10/11/2011 22:40

we are 7pm to 7.30am. It works so well!

SetFiretotheRain · 10/11/2011 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidge · 10/11/2011 22:43

Generally speaking preschoolers need 11-12 hours sleep, but not necessarily all in one go. However I do think if you're having to wake him then he's not getting enough.

You could try gradually bringing his bedtime routine forwards by 15 minutes each evening - have the same routine eg dinner, bath, story etc but just a bit earlier. If he's arsing around getting up and down then he's trying it on, probably knowing you're not clamping down on him because "it's not ten o'clock yet so it doesn't really matter" IYKWIM.

Essentially your child's bedtime is your business and no-one else's but I think for most of us that have to be up at 0630/0700 our children need to be in bed by 1900/2000. And I like it that way as I want my evenings to myself in peace Grin

Soups · 10/11/2011 22:44

If it works, why not?

One of my kids has always been a natural night owl. Due to school, with bedtime routines and being strict at getting him up, his sleep can be tweaked so he's not over tired. It doesn't really change him long term. As long as he's not over tired then I don't see a problem, he's very much like me and his time is in the evening. I've had lots of nice evening chats and snuggles with him over the years.

The other one, as a baby and toddler, I could put down at 7pm and he'd be off in seconds. At 6 years there's no chance, we put him down at 8.30 and he's off in seconds. I could put him down at 8 and he'd do the same, he's also happy until 9. It depends on our evening. Again, there's no problem if he's not over tired. Once he's tired he likes going to bed.

If you're happy for the nearly 3 year old to be up then what's the problem? If they're not over tired, then what's the problem? I'm sure you'll adjust as they start pre-school, then school. I'm sure you'll adjust when the situation starts to become problematic.

Enjoy your mornings :)

hardboiledpossum · 10/11/2011 22:46

At the moment DS 9months won't go to sleep until 10 but wakes at about 7. He has two hour long naps so is only getting 11 hours sleep in 24hrs. I don't undrerstand it and wish he would sleep more. He doesn't seem tired. If I put him to bed earlier he wakes up full of beans at 5am.

skybluepearl · 10/11/2011 22:47

I pick the kids up from school at 3, we have play dates or family time next, tea at 5, bath and stories followed by bed at 7. I then do a few jobs, catch up with friends or go to an excersise class - and later put my feet up to enjoy a glass of wine/book/tv/computer/long phone call .

cunexttuesonline · 10/11/2011 22:48

Have you tried putting him earlier to see if he still sleeps til 8am? My DS sleeps 8/8.30 - 7.30/8am and can also sleep 1-2 hours in a nap (around every 2nd day). I think they need around 12 hours.

lazylula · 10/11/2011 22:48

For me, 10pm would be too late but then I enjoy my child free evenings. Ds2 (3) is in bed between 6.30 and 7pm and wakes between 7 and 7.30. Ds1 (6) is 7pm to 7.30pm and wakes at the same time as ds2. Dd is 6 months and she goes up around the same time as ds2, she still has a bottle at 11pm, but goes straight back down, wakes around 7am for 20 mins or so then often goes back off until I get her up at 8.20 for the school run.
It is quite normal for my children not to see dh all week. For them to be up when he gets in would sometimes mean them being up until 9 or 10pm and then they would be over tired the next day so they think it is lucky when daddy gets home early.

RunWorkCook · 10/11/2011 22:53

Surely the big question is when they have to get up in the morning and then work back. On childminder moorings my two have to be up by 7 at the latest, so bed needs to be by 7:30pm to avoid tantrums the next day. Their bodyclocks aren't yet flexible enough to adapt to different routines depending on what we have to do the next day, so that's what we're stuck with. On work nights I pick them up then it's a rush to bed, but I don't really see an alternative.

Our society is geared towards school and work starting fairly early so surely the majority of preschoolers have to go to bed early to be up in time.

crazygracieuk · 10/11/2011 22:53

My dd used to do 10-6 at that age. (Her brothers did 7-7)

perplexedpirate · 10/11/2011 22:53

8pm til 7.30am here, but if it's a weekend we can lie around dozing til about 9.30am.

I like DH to get some time with DS so bedtime is a bit later than some,but, as with so many things, it works for us, so that's how it's staying!

Lulaloo · 10/11/2011 22:55

My 3 year old is 7 til 7/7.30 I really did not realise how lucky we were until I read this!!
Poor old dc3 just has to fit in bless him!! He is on his knees by then though (so am I)! and does not nap in the day.

blackeyedsusan · 10/11/2011 22:55

do you like getting up at 6 am? if so put them to bed at 8, work for a couple of hours and be woken at 6.... oh yeah, you'll miss out on a couple of hours sleep just so that you feel like you conform. worth it? I didn't think so either.

perrinelli · 10/11/2011 23:03

Our dd (3) took ages to settle at bedtime around 8/830 so I thought maybe she wasn't tired and it slipped later, but on the suggestion of someone I tried putting her to bed quite a bit earlier and sticking to a routine (up for the bath at 645, 2-3 stories etc) and was amazed that she settled to sleep more easily and was in a better mood the next day. I think before that overtiredness was causing her to be a bit hyper and appear very energised!

feelingratheroverwhelmed · 10/11/2011 23:05

My two year old goes to bed at 8 as that means that we can eat together, and DH does the bed time routine. On nursery mornings he's up at 7.30, sometimes we need to wake him, sometimes not. On weekends and non-nursery mornings we can sleep in till after 9 sometimes. It seems to depend on what sort of mood he's in. He naps everyday, and sometimes this can be for three hours (bliss!).

I like the 8pm bedtime as it means that we have an evening to do other stuff. if we've got something on then I'll push it back to 9pm but would only go later than that in exceptional circumstances (travelling, a wedding maybe). DH's family think I'm really uptight about it but honestly the routine and child-free time in the evening helps to keep me sane and I don't want to mess with it at all!

But, whatever works for you. As long as your children are getting enough sleep.

MidsomerM · 10/11/2011 23:06

Blackeyed who said anyone had to work for a couple of hours after kids gone to bed?

perrinelli · 10/11/2011 23:07

Oh and in our case it didn't mean she woke up too early. Having said that we've found those training clocks fab where you preset the time the star changes to a sun or whatever, so they know when it's morning and an ok time to come and find mum & dad (ours is set at 7 but she sometimes sleeps past it)

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