Brother in law far too hands on with dd?

[MrsHenryCavill]

Right AIBU? My brother in law is becoming far too possessive with my dd 2yo. Last week whilst staying there for the weekend he said she did a poo in the toilet. I have only just introduced dd to the potty and he k learner it is etc but doesn't sit on it that often. He said she said "poo" so he took her to toilet where he sat her there whilst he cried. He said "she didn't like it but she did it". Since this incident dd will not tell me when she does a poo and if I ask her she now says no no no. She would always tell me before. I suppose I just feel like he has taken it upon himself to 'toilet train' her. Which is obviously my job. I am a single parent and I think he feels like he is some sort of father figure. There are other issues too like when other family members are about he tries to comand her attention and thy are all noticing too. What do I do??? Been trying to avoid a confrontation but I feel like he has overstepped the mark this time. AIBU??

WTF is going on with MN recently

Where you there OP when BIL took DD to the toilet? If not what else was he supposed to do when she said she needed a poo?

If you where there, why didn't you jut say "oh that's ok X, I'll take her"

I just don't understand the problem. So she cried when sat on the toilet. Was he supposed to take her off and let her poo on the floor?

He sat between you both at dinner, did you actually ask him why? Maybe he thought he could help out so you could eat a meal in peace. Maybe he thought you don't get much time to do that being a lone parent. And if you didn't want him to help why not just say "oh it's ok X, I'll sit next to her thanks"

Have you actually spoke to him and asked him why he's trying to be so hands on? Or are you just jumping to
Conclusions and seething inwardly? In which case he won't know that he isn't in fact helping you and that he needs to back off a bit.

Honestly, people would think every single bloke in the world is a pedophile judging by some of the responses on here.

jingle lives in my universe wooo hooo!

Well Jeremy if you are referring to the incident as the ocassion where he sat next to his neice at dinner then I've changed my mid he is a fucking pervy wierdo and the OP should have him shot.

Other incidents as in, generally pissing the op off, monopolising her dd to the extent that other people are commenting on it, doing things with her child (such as pulling her by the arms) that she has previously asked him not to.

I dont think he is a 'fucking pervy weirdo' at all, but is trampling over op in order to show off his parenting 'skills'.

OP where were you during the toilet "incident"?

I would think that if the OP has only just started to potty train her DD she is still in nappies? Especially if she (the DD) doesn't sit on it that often. And it's a big leap for some children to go from the potty to the loo - she was probably scared! So no, he didn't need to do any of it - he could have just let her go on the potty, or left her in her nappies, instead of interfering and making her fearful of sitting on the loo.

Happy to be corrected - but that was my reading of the loo situation. The dinner situation was just officious.

I wasn't there when the toilet incident happened dd was staying there for the weekend. To clarify she is still in nappies and I hadn't taken her potty there as she isn't really using it yet. And yes the dinner situation may sound silly but in the context of all the other things that have been noticed by myself and others it's annoying and overbearing. I will speak with Sis I think this is all about him being desperate for a baby. I think Jeremey vile has it right he is a selfish prick and a show off! It's gone too far now and I need to confront the situation.

OK good that's settled then - you do that OP good luck
And good luck with potty training - I'm having a flipping nightmare :(

Ha ha... not sure there are actually too many frothing b's on the thread... there seems to have been a misunderstanding as the OP wrote that said B in Law sat her DD on the loo while he cried.... as this is obviously a typo I am actually sniggerning aloud at work...!

Most people are, I think, just syaing that OP should trust her instincts. Good advice. Probably should just result in a nice but fairly forceful word to B in L asking him not to butt in please. But not let the DD poo herself either

And thanks for posting back OP - he probably is a bit of a prick. Go confront!

So they are good enough to take her for the weekend you never gave them te potty and he probably thought he was doing good.Why are you letting her stay there if you think so little of him,it just seems to me you are being a little overbearing.Dont let her stay there again then if thats what you think of him.

Sounds to me like my sister when she was desperate, I mean utterly desperate to have another child. She even told people in front of me that my ds1 was hers.

Used to say i wish he was mine. Luckily, she's had some more children of her own now.

If a child indicated to me that it needed a poo, I'd take it to the loo, regardless whether it was wearing a nappy or not, as I think it's no good to tell a child to just poo their pants, when they're capable of announincing that they need to go. There's nothing wrong or overbearing with taking a child who announced that it needs to wee or poo to the loo regardless how advanced the potty training has been so far.

Especially if said child is staying over.

.

When my kids were potty-training ...the sound of them shouting poo was enough to make everyone else leave the room in 5 seconds flat !

I think the bil sounds wierd & controlling .
Bit like ex-h ...started of being "helpful" when no help was needed . Ended up with him smashing furniture and hitting me with broken bits of wood.

Im so glad op`s sister has decided not to get pg .

Can you do the police check thingy ?.

droves - whoa there, I think you're projecting a little too much there.

I don't think he sounds weird at all. He sounds like an experienced parent, who wants another child and is trying to be supportive but unfortunately is telling you what to do instead of assisting you. Be clear with all your family about your boundaries but don't push away well intentioned and affectionate relatives.

I would take a child to the loo if they indicated the need to go, but I wouldn't sit there and make them cry about it. That is seriously out of order. He is giving the child the message that he can do what wants and she must obey. Pulling the child from other people etc. Is all dodgy. I would not be leaving my child alone with this man.
YANBU op

Only got his word for it that she said she wanted to poo - he might have seen her straining and decided that he couldn't be arsed to change a pooey nappy so decided that she was going to do it in the loo, regardless of how she felt about it (obviously bloody unhappy!) - that's officious, interfering and could set back toilet training for ages. :(

thumbwitch - can't see anything wrong with taking a child that's straining to the toilet either. Obviously, when crying you've got to stop, but I think it's pretty much impossible to make a child sit that doesn't want to.

Also, it's perfectly possible that it was only the actual pooing that scared the child and made her cry? My daughter refused the potty for a few weeks because noticing how wee left her body scared her.

Yep, we've only got the uncle's word, and we only got the OP's side of things. Without having been there ourselves or at least hearing the other side it's impossible to judge whether he is possessive and overbearing or whether OP is oversensitive

Sadly I disagree that it's impossible to make a 2yo sit on the loo when she doesn't want to - force will keep her there. :( But as you say, we weren't there and can't know the full picture - but I do know that I'd be fucking furious if someone had done that to my DS and cocked up his toilet training.

Force or chocolate buttons ime thumb

Chocolate buttons are unlikely to cause trauma though.

If the toddler was staying at their house for the weekend, who witnessed this and told the OP?

Like I said earlier, he wants a child and hes trying to impress your sister.

Can I ask again where his own children are and, if he sees them?

It was an attempt at light hearted humour, I thought the wink would make that clear.

I have always found the best way to tackle potty training is to do it the 'nappies completely off' way. Both mine were trained in a week with this approach. Keeping them in nappies hinders the training completely.