to ask if anyone else has a skinflint/tight arse friend?

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

Anyone?

I have a friend who is very mean with her money. She doesn't work but her husband does, and they have an ok income from what she says. But she is just so, so mean. If we go anywhere she will just sit there and sit there and wait for someone else to get her a drink, and also expects a drink to be bought for her child. There are a group of 4 of us, we met at toddler group several years ago, and we meet up fairly regularly at a soft play barn. I cannot remember the last time she bought anyone else a drink, or offered. Every time we go there she expects someone to buy for her.

Another friend of mine is also mean at times. She has a heart of gold but will for example insist on splitting a meal bill to the exact penny, or she will chase up someone who owes her 28p or something like that. She had a Body Shop party once and provided a few (non alcoholic) drinks, and a few nibbles. At the end of the evening she said "Right, so for the drinks and nibbles it works out at £1 per person then". Bearing in mind too that we had all bought extra drinks and nibbles with us too, no one turned up empty handed expecting to be fed and watered, although to be fair I think if you invite people round to your house I think you should expect to provide a bit of food and drink for your guests.

I think mean-ness is a really horrible trait to have, I'd hate someone to think of me as being mean.

YANBU. If you can't afford the drinks/meal/nibbles, then don't go or invite people. I'm stubborn enough to just leave someone sitting drinkless (although that probably makes me as mean )

YANBU. One of my closest friends is tighter than a duck's arse and it drives me insane.

Doesn't bother me if people are watching the pennies and don't want to join in on rounds in the pub, for example, but don't bloody well accept drinks from other people if you're too tight/skint to buy them one back

Why don't you pull her up on it? (the one who won't buy a drink) just say 'your round!' or let her just sit there without. How bloody rude

I have a BIL like this. Will never buy drinks when out, will happily let his pensioner parents to buy though. If we eat the bill gets split to the penny. Gifts are so bad they are funny although he is happy to send us emails asking for very precise presents he would like for birthdays/xmas. The last one he wanted was £50 (just for him btw, still had his wife and 3 children to buy for after his present)!!!!!!

I once stayed at a party until 1am whilst 8 months pregnant waiting for my aforementioned tighter-than-two-coats-of-paint friends to buy me a drink. No fucking way was I leaving that party without her going to the bar (note: DH and I had driven her to the party and bought her three mojitos. Neither me nor DH were drinking that night).

YANBU

Nowadays, if someone shows extreme tightness I don't bother with them as I've been stung too many times in the past.

I loathe tight bastards.

I think you should pull them on it tbh.

I would just say sweetly - 'just going to get my own drink today as not had a chance to go the bank, or had a big unexpected bill to pay' and suggest she gets her own drink!

I would hope that no one would accuse me of being tight. I often go out for coffee with friends and we take it in turns to buy the drinks, no one needs to keep count. If I go out for a meal with friends I expect the bill to be split equally amonst all even though I dont drink (as long as not a big drinking session by others but that never usually happens) as it is mean spirited to be looking at the menu and working out to the penny what you and others owe.

I would just get up and go and get your own drinks and don't say anything.

Honestly; what can she say to you!?

I can't quite see how/why you would let this situation get out of control. If none of you bought her a drink-she has the choice of having no drink or buying her own. She's taking the piss, yes- but you are (to use a MN phrase!) enabling her to do so.

Funnily enough the last time we met up it was just me and her, and I just went and bought drinks for my children and I. She sat there and sat there but did eventually get her and her child a drink to share. I could tell it pained her though

YANBU. If I know a friend has real financial problems that is one thing but if they it appears they are just being tight fisted its quite another and actually embarrassing.

Splendid-you've done it before and survived so just keep doing it! Have you discussed it with the others-if you all do the same, then that will eliminate the problem.

I can't believe the bloody cheek of some people!

Most of my friends and I operate on the basis that it all comes out in the wash eventually. I'll buy coffee and cake, a friend will shout sandwiches if we're out longer than anticipated and so on and so forth. The behaviour in the original post is utterly alien to me:(

God yeah. I have a friend who used to come to my house at least once a week for dinner. This had been going on for a few years and she has only had me over once to hers.

She asked me to paint and decorate her whole flat for nothing and I asked her if she would pay for the paint. She was hmming and ahhhing about it, but I knew she was expecting me to pay for the paint, paper, brushes, turps, rollers, paint tray, dust sheets (she insisted that I used dust sheets instead of old newspaper) AND decorate the whole flat for nowt. She did say she'd pay me back, but I've lent her over £70 in the past to help her out with essentials like food and bills and she spent it on weekly trips to church 15 miles away and nights out with her church friends. I found that out because she came back the next week looking to borrow more money.

I told her that I either get paid for decorating or I don't do it. She wasn't too pleased, but I don't care. Needless to say, I keep her at arms length and let her visit once in a while claiming that we're busy.

My sister whom I no longer speak to (not over this btw) would only come out if I taxied her (about 8mile round trip) from door to door and then as I was 'Des' I could only have one half pint of beer (around £1 at the time) then just soft drinks (around same price). She however would drink a large glass of red wine (about £3). She would hold me to my round and always orchestrate it that I bought first one so as we generally only had three drinks I would buy two rounds to her one. You would have thought as it would only have cost her a couple of pounds to buy my drinks in return for two free taxi journeys door to door - but oh no. I soon started to make excuses much as I wanted to have a relationship with my sister I didnt see why it should only be as long as I paid. I just dont understand the mentality really and you invariably find it does them no good i've noticed.

Doesn't everyone have at least one?

Bloody irritating aren't they?

I have a friend like this...but then I figure she and her husband are very well off for that reason!

I used to go out with a guy who would go to the pub with exactly £1 in 5p pieces. In those days that would buy one beer (for him). He couldn't buy anyone a drink but would happily accept a beer from others.

That particular relationship didn't last long.

We also had friends who would come to stay for a weekend, and then ask for the £2 change from their £20 contribution to the takeaway that we had all shared after we had provided all the rest of the food, drink and wine for the weekend

I did have one, not her friend any more as it drove me mad. I hate tightness it is a horrible trait! I am happy to lend anyone money or pay anything for my friends but when people expect it and take it for granted, while never reciprocating anything it starts to get rude. I had one friend like that she would always borrow and even once she made me something apparently as a present but then charged me for it. If anyone borrowed from her she would always ask it back but never pay back to others and never pay for her own food etc. Just can not be doing with people like that

I have a friend who is always penny pinching- this is fine if you are a bit skint, but not when you buy people bookmarks for a christmas present while announcing you are saving up for a round the world trip or to pay your mortgage off (some people just prefer to spend all their money on themselves).

I have just laughed loudly at the bookmark as a Xmas present!

I had a friend like this when I was a teenager. She was really nice but so stingy.

I go out with friends and I will buy a drink for her one week and then she will buy the drinks next week and I will buy her a coffee later. we usually have a set meal and pay for our own. works out fine.

YANBU and she should not expect other people to buy her drinks. really naughty.

that is probably why she is well off.

A colleague went to a leaving do
Had a glass of tap water all night
So basically got a free nights seat in a busy pub and not forked out a thing not even a drink for the leaving person

I did have one like this. She was the type who would whip a calculator out after a meal, accept drinks and not offer back and if she knew you had more money/cigerettes whatever on you at that particular time she would be like "well you have more than me, so you can share". She would give someone a cigerette and then tell the person "oh you owe me 'x' cigerettes" and would make sure she got them back but would happily take and not return from others. If we went out she would talk to guys so they would buy her drinks all night and then mug them off and act as though she was entitled to do that. It was awful. I'm sure she must have had a little black book of 'money/things owed to me' in her pocket.
The sad thing is, from what i've heard about her, she hasn't changed one bit.

I went out with a guy whose car got broken into one night when we were out. Glass all over the seats. He had 700 pounds available to him while i only had a tenner until i got paid. But he didnt want to fork out for a cab. He wanted to brush the glass off the seats and drive me the 20 min drive home and risk us both being cut to ribbons rather than spend even a penny. I refused and insisted on a cab but he made them give an exact quote down to the penny before the driver came to pick us up.
Another time i ordered some stuff for him from my catologue and met up with him in the pub to give him the duvet/bedroom set.
Every time i asked him for the money (he earned twice as much as me) he kept changing the subject. I had to plonk the invoice in his lap to get the bill paid.
He kept saying that when we lived together the bills would be split directly down the middle. I knew exactly what he meant. I could see me having no spending money at all while he would have the majority of the disposable income. I really dont think he would have understood the concept of splitting the bills in proportion to what each person earns.
This attitude from him was a deal breaker and one of the reasons why i ended the relationship.