to ask if anyone else has a skinflint/tight arse friend?

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

Anyone?

I have a friend who is very mean with her money. She doesn't work but her husband does, and they have an ok income from what she says. But she is just so, so mean. If we go anywhere she will just sit there and sit there and wait for someone else to get her a drink, and also expects a drink to be bought for her child. There are a group of 4 of us, we met at toddler group several years ago, and we meet up fairly regularly at a soft play barn. I cannot remember the last time she bought anyone else a drink, or offered. Every time we go there she expects someone to buy for her.

Another friend of mine is also mean at times. She has a heart of gold but will for example insist on splitting a meal bill to the exact penny, or she will chase up someone who owes her 28p or something like that. She had a Body Shop party once and provided a few (non alcoholic) drinks, and a few nibbles. At the end of the evening she said "Right, so for the drinks and nibbles it works out at £1 per person then". Bearing in mind too that we had all bought extra drinks and nibbles with us too, no one turned up empty handed expecting to be fed and watered, although to be fair I think if you invite people round to your house I think you should expect to provide a bit of food and drink for your guests.

I think mean-ness is a really horrible trait to have, I'd hate someone to think of me as being mean.

YANBU

Nothing frustrates me more than those idiots who waste my time splitting meals to the exact penny. I've had a few housemates who were like that too with (very small) phone bills.

And if someone expects people to buy they drinks, but doesn't return the gesture than that is awful.

However, I know rounds is part of our culture, but in many ways I'd love for that to change. I drink slower than others and prefer to at least mix a few soft drinks in with it but if I don't join in it's awkward. I much prefer nights out where it's all done at each person's own pace.

@cjbartlett - that's not terribly unreasonable. If they don't drink or are just careful with money that's not the same as gleefully accepting from others without ever reciprocating.

P.S. If you ask for the bill and someone asks for the menu back so they can "add up exactly what they had", run!

You see I am fine with that. Some people are on tight budgets so I don't mind this. Its poeple trying to get me to pay for their things that annoy me - although I'm not talking about splitting the bill. Althought tbh if I have went somewhere with a group and I eat a salad and water while everyone else eats 2 courses and lots and lots of wine, I will say I want to pay just for myself.

AllI want. I know the op is talking about something different but if you read the thread there are plenty of posts bashing people who won't just split the bill.

Yes, well, an ex-friend, significantly! Although she was comfortably off she would be the one to speak up most frequently and loudest about splitting restaurant bills etc ? and I don't mean if some people had loads to drink and some didn't, I mean where it was a matter of a couple of quid. During a period when my DP and I had some serious money problems (which she knew about), she would make a big fuss about how skint she was, invite us to dinner with much huffing about how it would be 'frugal' as she was broke and she hoped we didn't mind not being served anything expensive etc. It was as though she was trying to out-poor us.

Also someone I did a training course with. Once or twice a year we'd go on a weekend away for the course that entailed eating out one night. This happened about six times over the course, and we always had lots of notice about the dates, but EVERY time she would order only soup, tap water and a coffee but also drink tons of wine, then complain and make a huge huge fuss when the bill came and we split it equally. I know she was on a tight budget, but I and many of the others on the course were too. I used to manage by saving up for this trip ? there was no excuse as I always knew it was coming.

Tightwaddery really upsets and pisses me off. Can you tell?

It is very entrenched in people aswell isnt it. One good friend in a large group of us has always been like this. Ruined many a lovely meal at the end because she doesnt believe in tipping. Every month or so at one of our meals out we get same old same old - 'nobody tips me at my work (retail) they get their wages etc etc why should l tip them blah bloody blah'. She isnt badly off either,good job,own house etc etc. But then what happens is people like my soft touch lovely DH will just put an extra couple of pounds in for the tip despite me hissing in his ear 'dont you dare' which really winds me up. Its like we're paying her tip ! She also knows it causes bad feeling between some of us as there have been heated debates about it on occasion but wont budge.

A few years ago she got cancer and is very lucky to still be with us - surgery, hell and back with side effects to high levels of chemo etc - but has just been given the all clear. So we went out for a celebratory meal and guess what ? Yeah thats right same old spoiler dispute broke out at end of it. Wtf ?

It is so annoying.

I went out for dinner with two university friends recently. Friend 1 has always been known for being a bit tight and in fact this is why I don't see much of him anymore. When I was a struggling young prof trying desperately to cover my mortgage and professional training costs we would meet up (he was doing a funded PhD) he would refuse my suggestion of an M&S picnic lunch in the park and insist on going to Wagamammas and then basically blackmail me into paying using the "you are working and I'm not" line. It used to annoy me no end.

Anyway met him and another friend recently (only reason I agreed was taht I wanted to see the other friend). I was already in situ in the bar when he (friend 1) arrived and had about half a glass of wine left. He sat and waited for me to finish my drink and then made it really obvious that he thought I should get the next round of drinks. I sat tight but then my second friend arrived and went straight to the bar. So friend 1 doesn't pay for any drinks.

We then went out for food. Friend 1 goes crazy in restaurant ordering expensive starter and then prime steak (costs about 10 quid more than the other main courses). Looks at wine list - picks a very frugal wine choice but as soon as our other friend and I are interested in splitting a bottle it suddenly becomes midpriced wine. I negotiate it back down to something more reasonable on the basis that I'm not drinking Cab Sauv at the moment.

Then at the end with no hint of irony friend 1 declares he is just going to pay for what he had as my other friend and I had shared a cheese plate and he didn't want to pay for that. We delightedly allowed him to calculate his bill out from which he left his share of the wine out! Which we gladly pointed out. Friend 2 and I then split the rest of the bill equally!

I won't be going out for dinner with him anytime soon especially as our financial circumstances are somewhat role reversed - he has no housing costs and a good salary and I'm currently maintaining two homes...........

I can totally understand people not wanting to subsidise my desert/ wine and am often the person at group dinners who will try to ensure the non drinkers don't subsidise those of us who do too often although my Muslim friend assures me that over many years of going out for dinner with drinkers she thinks her non alcoholic drinks + the desert she usually has evens everything out in the end!

I remember going out with friends for a meal in a group but I felt they were quite extravegant and drunk alot. I would just have one glass of wine or a coke as I was driving. they just had more disposable income than me and I was watching the pennies.

I did get a bit fed up of paying for their drinking when we split the bill. TBH I do still see them but we don't go out as much. I never said anything but sometimes left early making sure i put enough in plus some extra.

I have no objections to splitting the bill fairly, so for example if I'd been out with a group of friends hadn't drunk any alcohol and the rest of us had had lots of wine, of course I wouldn't expect that friend to subsidise our drinking, nor would I expect to subsidise it if it was the other way round. The friend I referred to in my OP though will literally use the calculator on her phone and scrabble around in her purse for pennies to make sure she pays the exact amount that she has eaten/drunk and not a penny more.

Also those of you that have mentioned being very skint, I think that's a totally different thing and it sounds like none of you have set out to scrounge from people or to get what you can. The friend of mine that never buys a drink perhaps should take the approach that one of you (can't remember who) does, about telling friends not to buy anymore as you can't pay them back ever.

No.

I couldn't be friends with mean hearted pisstakers. It is a personality trait I loathe and so anyone like that gets the boot.

My friend had a spare car-seat so I asked if it would be ok to borrow for when my little niece was visiting for a few days. Instead of lending it to us (which I would have done with no hesitation had the situation been reversed), she offered to sell it to us.

The particular car seat was online at a special price so it wasn't going to be much cheaper buying her second hand one so we offered £50 instead of the £60 she wanted (bearing in mind we didn't really need 2 car seats). She wasn't happy so I told her not to worry we would just as happily borrow it. Anyway she text to say just have it for £50 and when DH went to collect it her partner helped him to fit it.

I texted later to say we were happy with it and that's when she let me know she wasn't happy with us and said "you shouldn't barter with a friend". Also commented that her partner even had to show my DH how to fit it, I was gob-smacked.

So we are no longer friends for the sake of a tenner which is a shame as I did like her.

As a skint non drinker I make sure I don't get into rounds in the first place. That way I can stick to what I can afford & don't scrounge off my friends. I also don't drink very much liquid (can make one drink last a very long time, which is handy when you're brassic) so when in the dim & distant past I did have cash and did used to drink in rounds, I was always playing catch up.

I'm just more comfortable if I stay on my own on an evening out, but do worry people think I'm turning into the grumpy old bloke in the corner from "Early Doors". :)

That's syd she must not have been much of a friend if she was prepared to loose the friendship over £10 sodding pounds. Them mentality of some, really!

I have friend, single, good looking chap was a very high earner whose life I see as ruined by his attitude to money. He is almost a recluse because he wont spend money. It is pathological. It makes me angry that life is passing him by whilst he inhabits a crumbling georgian house, he has absolutely no social life, will not go on holiday etc etc. Everything is calculated down to the last penny. One day I expect to find him buried under a pile of rubble. (too mean to employ builders or get a structural survey) If he died tomorrow there will only be me (and I know him via a family connection) and possibly one old schoolfriend at his funeral. He is not depressed, does have lots of money but in the past when he did date someone he kept a spreadsheet on expenses (and I would lay money that his date paid out more than him for a coffee/drink!) Not surprsingly his attitude to money puts women off. He needs counselling... but then that costs money!

I don't understand why people buy rounds. I really dont because someone always has the most exxpensive drink. i insist on seperate drinks unless it's a birthday. In other ways I'm geberous; I do buy some friends drinks.

we went out for a drink in couples with my friends. I was amazed about how quickly they drunk their drinks and then it was our round.

I don't really have any friends like this as I can't tolerate it. I used to find it embarrassing if i introduced a skinflint friend to a non skinflint friend who would then buy the skinflint a drink and not be reciprocated. I also find most "skint" people have money, but are putting it all into savings or similar which also bugs me. yes have savings, but don't go on about how skint you are, you're extremely bloody lucky to be able to save, so shut up .

My sister can be a bit like this, arrives at our house starving hungry then raids the fridge because she's "saved" herself because she knows we'll have loads of nice food in. When go to hers there's no milk, she doesn't use it so we have to go and buy our own, she doesn't even offer to go to the shop for us despite knowing we'll be arriving with 2 young kids who need milk. . She once had a "bring a bottle and a dish" evening, everyone brought food and drink and we all shared, fair enough, apart from the fact I made 2 delicious puff pastry feta cheese, herb and vine tomato tartlets which she promptly put in the fridge for her lunch at work that week as she said her mates had brought enough food for the party and she knew I'd bring the best so she would save them for her.

I've called her bluff with it now, if she comes over and wants us to go out I say fine but I expect her to pay a third of the cost of the babysitter and taxis, she usually changes her mind to wine and nibbles at ours . Still gets a freebie though as we always have stuff like that in! She never brings anything!

I think that it is not worth losing a friendship over a pound here or there

Sorry, hit send at the wrong time

What I was trying to say is that surely meeting up with your friends on a regular basis is such a good thing, who cares about the money involved. Friends who are tight with money are your friends for reasons other than what they have in the bank, maybe some of them don't have as much money as you but are too embarrassed to say?

if there are people who havent drunk, then we normally knock off money from the bill from them...however, its amazing how many people think that soft drinks are free and never put enough money into the bill because of that!

My MIL didn't visit her father until the day of her mother's funeral because she couldn't get an Apex ticket to do otherwise. When PIL died, he left her £850,000 and she's probably got at least half that stashed away - worked until she was 60, Deputy Head, and has scrimped all her life. DH remembers sharing a cornet with his two sisters!

marriedinwhite blimey!

I had a 'myroundaphobic' friend too . Nightmare then expected everyone to buy her doubles!

marking my spot ! In work and no tiem to comment but this to me is most frustrating especially when these people chose so socialise with you and then expect to be paid for ! Arghhh!
My taster is the pal who won a considerable amount of money ( 20k) and said she would take us girls for a drink. This was unheard of so the usual 3 of us plus her gor for drinks she buys the first two rounds and then puts nothing in the kitty and proceeds to drink from the kitty for the rest of the night!!!! Arghh!