to ask if anyone else has a skinflint/tight arse friend?

[ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse]

Anyone?

I have a friend who is very mean with her money. She doesn't work but her husband does, and they have an ok income from what she says. But she is just so, so mean. If we go anywhere she will just sit there and sit there and wait for someone else to get her a drink, and also expects a drink to be bought for her child. There are a group of 4 of us, we met at toddler group several years ago, and we meet up fairly regularly at a soft play barn. I cannot remember the last time she bought anyone else a drink, or offered. Every time we go there she expects someone to buy for her.

Another friend of mine is also mean at times. She has a heart of gold but will for example insist on splitting a meal bill to the exact penny, or she will chase up someone who owes her 28p or something like that. She had a Body Shop party once and provided a few (non alcoholic) drinks, and a few nibbles. At the end of the evening she said "Right, so for the drinks and nibbles it works out at £1 per person then". Bearing in mind too that we had all bought extra drinks and nibbles with us too, no one turned up empty handed expecting to be fed and watered, although to be fair I think if you invite people round to your house I think you should expect to provide a bit of food and drink for your guests.

I think mean-ness is a really horrible trait to have, I'd hate someone to think of me as being mean.

Oh, I hate this.

A couple of years ago a nice meal with a group of friends was totally ruined by the paying of the bill. One friend sat there working everyone's bill out to the penny. Then the percentage discounts due to money off vouchers.

All the while, our newborn child was screaming her head off. DH had to take her and leave. I ended up chucking £20 extra in the pot to get it resolved, because everyone was digging in their heels, adamant they owed not a penny more.

Seriously, I know times are tight, but they were digging in their heels about a pound here or there, after having a lovely meal with friends we hadn't seen for ages. And refusing to pay the tip without good reason (there was no issue with the service) is just not on. So I ended up paying the disputed amount and the tip.

We don't see these friends very often .

I understand if people don't want to get sucked into big rounds, but then they should just say "Look, I'll just buy my own if you don't mind." That's fine. What's rude is to be the one who accepts all the drinks but never reciprocates.

I once went out with a guy who used to put his car out of gear on hills to save petrol. Also, I know someone who nicks loo rolls from pubs/restaurants- she earns about £70k a year.

The nerve of some people is and really quite . If you are broke, don't buy rounds, don't accept drinks off other people, just buy yourself one. If you expect others to pay for you, you should not be going out in the first place.

It seems to be a general consensus that its the well off that are the most tight fisted, and in RL I can vouch for that. My mum has a male 'friend' who is very rich and owns several properties, he does not contact her unless he wants to stay the night at hers instead of paying for a hotel when he goes to his Rotary functions.

How do you think the well-off hang on to their money?

DH earns decent money but we have always tried to be generous with friends and family...and that is why we will never be rich!

Met someone recently like this. She became friends with my group of friends, but never bought anyone a drink - although waited with empty glass to be offered. At first people did. Then they ignored her empty glass and then she stopped getting invited. All because of a few pounds. Really not worth being mean like this.

I know MrsU , I would never be like this, when I go out with friends we split the bill for meal. I wish i had the cash to treat them all!

I agree about the splitting the bill after a meal thing.

Drives.Me.Nuts

I think it's fair enough that if one person isn't drinking they should pay slightly less than the others who have got legless had a few. Or if someone chooses lobster thermidor they should chip on more. Otherwise equal split, CBA to do the sums & it looks SO mean!!

Bossy I don't frequent the likes of the Ivy or Claridges , more like the local Chinese buffet and the 241 meal offers at Brewers Fayre

My friends and I are on a budget, on the rare times we eat our we do pay for what we ordered rounding up to the next pound to cover tip, we don't mind as we are all in the same boat.
We usually have nights in where we drink, have a take away gossip etc then we split it evenly, and we have an ongoing hoard of booze that we all contribute to.

When I go out with a group of friends we do split the bill, I am pg so do not drink and they so, so they pay more for the alcohol they consumed.

pigletmania I'm with you there, just used the old lobster as an example!!

In fact we don't eat out, end of. Oh maybe now & then when the local pub is doing an early bird & I can feed the 3 of us for £10!

Honestly, this saddens me a bit. Don't get me wrong, I fully agree about the cheek of people accepting drinks etc with no intention of reciprocating. But having very little disposable income seems to make me a bit of a social pariah.

DH and I don't have much money at the moment. We are furiously paying off our remaining small amount of debt, and will be debt free in three months, just in time to coincide with a decent gauranteed pay rise for DH and the arrival of our new baby . So we wont be skint forever, but for the past year or so we've been very frugal.

Changing habbits has been difficult. Going to soft play once a week with my lovely and generous friend, we would usually buy a 'round' each, hot drinks, cake for adults, then more hot drinks and lunch for the kids. At first lovely friend insisted on buying me tea and cake, even when I said I couldn't afford to do the same. I started bringing packed lunch for DD, and so friend would then buy DD a packet of chocolate buttons or similar so she could have the same as her DD.

It got really embarrasing because I'd made a promise I wouldn't waste money on over priced soft play food when I honestly dont think DD would miss it if it wasn't on offer. So I wouldn't return the favour, and in the end had to have a really embarrasing talk with friend about how I was going to just pay for my own stuff and I really couldn't accept any more treats because basically I couldn't spend the money returning the favour. And to be honest doing this took away a little of my pride, having previously been very free with my money and getting into debt as a result

As for the splitting the bill thing, a few years ago (when earning a fair wage) I would have agreed whole heartedly. But now I've been invited to a big meal out with ex collegues next week, and decided last night I just can't go. Not because I can't afford to pay my share, but because I know from experience that the wine will be flowing, the steak and king prawns will be ordered at extra cost, and then the bill will be split equally amongst everyone there. Which means pregnant me ends up paying for other people's alcohol and extras, when in reality I could've just ordered something cheap from the menu and had a fab time catching up.

So I've decided not to go because I really don't want to be talked about as 'the one who gets her calculator out at the end'

I know you are really talking about the takers in life, rather than the genuine skint. But sometimes people get the two mixed up and it means me missing out sometimes.

Apologies for any typos, trying to multitask and am terrible at it!

VFVF- I'm so glad you posted this!

Had half a post written in a similar vein & then deleted, thinking I was being needy.

I'm on such a tight budget, I can't afford to go out for meals either. I do now & then if I have managed to get more work & a few extra pennies even though I can't afford it just to cheer us up. But even a Fish & Chip supper at the pub on early bird night with only one Coke/Wine each is now £25/£30 & I can't do it more than once a month.

Going out for meals with chums or even staying in & having them over has always been my favourite entertainment. :(

I hate that I have sunk to this, but I have to grit my teeth for a few more years yet.

We had a girls group that met once a month & we met after supper so we only had drinks but I stopped because I can't reciprocate & my pride won't let me always take from them, although they are more than happy to buy me a drink.

Glad you have your DH's payrise to look forward to & the new baby. You'll be able to spend on lots of lovely new things for him/her!

IVUF your situation is different. It's good you declined the night out, I would have, very sensible. Any good friend would understand, mabey instead of buying from the soft play you could bring in treats for your friends dc and your dc, and buy some little cakes from the supermarket to drink with your coffee at soft play.

One of my friends used to be like this.

We worked together, and once (stupidly) got talking wages. When she realised I earnt more than her (I'm talking a mere £500 per year, so that's - what - £25 a month? - she then expected me to pay for her every time we went for a pub lunch. It was as if she thought my extra wages should go to her!

I did work for more people than her, had been at the company longer, had more responsibility and didn't have a habit of calling in sick once a week, so I do think I earnt it!

VFVF rather than sounding tight fisted, you just sound like you're watching the pennies. Nought wrong with that at all. I've hit gone on to SMP and I'm doing the same. :)

*just.

I have autocorrect rage this morning.

I also have a friend like this. Whenever we meet for coffee, he always insists on meeting at starbucks, which is fine by me. But we get our drinks in rounds and my drink is 50p more than his, which he asks for when buying his round to "make it even"... This would be fine except for when we go to a bar for drinks (i don't drink) so I inevitably end up paying more for his vodka and whatever, and my coke or even (free) soda water! This guy earns a little more than me, and while I don't expect him to pay more than me, I don't expect to be paying more than him either!

Although, on the flip side, i have also been in the same position as VFVF, and it really isn't nice to be the one counting the pennies and only paying for what you had rather than just splitting the bill however many ways. I have found though, that good friends will be more than understanding, and not make you feel like you're being tight. Especially when they know how generous you have been/ would be if it were possible.

Oh ffs some of us just about cope. We go out for a meal with a set amount of money. We only order to that amount and then there is always some fucker complaining that we're stingy because we only want to pay for what we have (actually in real life there isnt because I am friends with nice people). ffiw I tend to have a starter as a main and dont drink alcohol. I rarely go out anyway, the other option would be to become a recluse. Are we not allowed to be sociable just because we don't drink gallons of wine and eat steak or choose to spend our money differently

Back in the days when I smoked a friend of mine used to smoke all my cigarettes whenever we went out.
She claimed she didn't smoke but had no problem smoking half a packet on a night out.

We drove to Calais on a booze cruise once and I bought myself some duty-free fags. I encouraged her to buy some but she looked at me straight in the eye and said 'why should I buy any, I've got yours'!

I had another friend who was also a 'non-smoker'. She used to visit occasionally and always smoked more of my own cigarettes than me. It used to drive me up the wall. The argument was that I could buy cheap fags when I visited my own family and 'she didn't smoke so what was the point of buying her own.'

I think it's okay in a restaurant to pay for what you ordered and to not want to supplement everyone else's alcohol bill. Where it goes wrong is when someone gets a strop on over pennies or where a person consistently fails to buy round, while accepting drinks from everybody else.

If I had a 'friend' who was always expecting me to supplement her, she wouldn't be a friend for much longer. It would drive me mad and I'd have to lose them.

I also see no harm in not having to pay for someone else's boozy night out! A few of us go out together once in a while and as a group we never expected the non-drinkers to pay for those of us that were drinking!

What OP is on about, Tipoftheslung, are those people who NEVER reciprocate when they can! I really do not think she (?) is having a go at people who cannot pay for all and sundry. Just those that can but choose NEVER to do so.

I fucking hate skinflints! I've had perfectly good dinners ruined because someone has insisted on paying for exactly what they've ordered (forgetting about that extra glass of wine they had or the tip). If everyone's paying for what they've had I always throw in a couple of pounds extra for a tip, then you get the skinflint arguing that they're not paying anymore so everyone else has to throw in more money to make up for it. It's ended up before where I have bought a dinner and soft drink within my budget at say £13 and then ended up having to fork out £20 because the skinflint won't pay a penny more.

And don't get me started on the person who doesn't seem to pay at all (in large groups where there is a big defecit).

Fuckers.

P.S. If you ask for the bill and someone asks for the menu back so they can "add up exactly what they had", run!