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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to start going to church and praying that DS gets a place at this school?

121 replies

ThoughtCriminal · 07/11/2011 16:38

DS is only 2 but we have already decided which primary school we want him to go to. It is the best school around and although we live only 0.8 mile from the school we are outside the catchment area.

If the school is oversubscribed he will stand a better chance of getting in if a parent worships in a church in membership of Churches Together in Britain and Ireland.

I guess I'd better make a start and get him baptised! I have not attended church since Remembrance Sunday 2 years ago!

Has anyone else ever had to do this to get their DCs into a better school? How did it work out?

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 07/11/2011 16:40

You would be better off moving into the catchment area. And remember that the best school now might not be the best school in 2-3 years time.

I would only do what you are planning if the other options are really bad.

MrBloomsNursery · 07/11/2011 16:42

I think that's double standards and just wrong. Faith isn't something you just turn on and off just to get your child into a specific school.

I don't know. Maybe someone will give you advice about how to do this, but I think it's morally wrong and not teaching your child anything good.

SootySweepandSue · 07/11/2011 16:45

I'm interested in this as there are a few church schools near us. My DD is only 14 mos. What I am unsure about though is that I was under the impression that admins was done by a computer. At what point does the priest/headmaster intervene? Genuine question.

working9while5 · 07/11/2011 16:46

You will be slaughtered like the proverbial fatted calf for this thread. And you have basted yourself!

Wants3 · 07/11/2011 16:47

I agree,it is morally wrong to just attend church to get a school place! Ime people who do this could potentially stop a Christian family getting a place
( ministers daughter had to appeal!)
I am sure there are good schools you could apply for honestly:)

SoupDragon · 07/11/2011 16:48

TBH, they usually want far more commitment than just turning up for the odd Sunday. Every Sunday, even helping out with something or other.

Someone who pops up out of the blue with a 2 year old....? it will be blindingly obvious to them you are there for school purposes.

EssexGurl · 07/11/2011 16:49

Sorry this makes my blood boil. At our school it is not enough just to "go" to church, you have to be actively involved in the life of the church. So that means attendance at least every 2 weeks, plus helping out in the creche, church fetes, arranging flowers for services etc etc. The vicar also has to sign a form to support your application, meaning you can't fudge it. If you want to do that, then fine. But also remember that if it is a CoE school, then there will be lots of church services for the kids and parents are expected to support their childs understanding of the faith. Are you prepapred to do all of that?

For this years intake, the creche had 40 kids the week before offers were made. The week after offers were made - only 1 (the child of the parent running it). Says it all, doesn't it?

AppleAndBlack · 07/11/2011 16:50

Goodness- do you think that is a genuinely Christian act? Or will you be begging for forgiveness after?

Sassybeast · 07/11/2011 16:50

Good start to your school/church career - lying all the way to the altar/PTA meeting

EssexGurl · 07/11/2011 16:51

Sooty - our school organises its own admissions. So, they personally select the children that go. Parents have to complete an additional application form that goes directly to the schoool, as well as the one that goes to the council. There is an admissions panel that agrees the entry each year. The school then tells the council who they have admitted. We got a letter from school before the council telling us of our place.

Thingumy · 07/11/2011 16:51

MrsTwinks · 07/11/2011 16:52

YABU.

DH's family are very religious, and his family are heavily involved with their local church, do the sunday school and alot of other stuff. Infact so involved we were not charged for any aspect of our church wedding as it was a gift from the congregation.

But Dniece couldn't get a place in either of the church primary schools local to here as they were over subscribed with people who lived alittle closer to the school or had "sibling link" and we know that alot of those only recently started coming to church to get a place.

I appreciate you want a good school but you are not religious and you are very likely taking a place from a child who's family is.

ladyintheradiator · 07/11/2011 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 07/11/2011 16:56

Catholic school here so may be different but yes, regular church attendance for 2.5 years, forms signed to that effect. Usual application plus faith declaration form to school. School then liases with parish team to verify attendance. In the event of oversubscription, it is definitely better to be a known face than one of the crowd. If you haven't put the hours in, you won't get in, it's as simple as that.

SardineQueen · 07/11/2011 16:56

Well assuming that you have not started this just to have a fight and are genuinely interested...

You need to get hold of the entry criteria for the schools in your area and read them carefully. No point in going to church once a month if the form then says it needs to be weekly, or similar.

SardineQueen · 07/11/2011 16:58

Incidentally essexgirl I assume that your school are selecting pupils according to a strict entry criteria which is published. If it is a state school. As if they are literally just picking and choosing who they fancy with no evidenced reason for doing so then they are acting outside the law.

Note2Self · 07/11/2011 17:01

Meh. I am not religious and wouldn't send my children to a religious school, but I am not of the 'its hypocritical' school. If you really must, by all means do, but for most schools with strict religious entry requirements (e.g. recorded weekly attendance at church) it isn't just a case of doing it to get them in, it is a commitment for their whole school career. I couldn't be arsed to do that if I didn't believe in it, but different strokes.

Alouisee · 07/11/2011 17:03

Go for it, if you truly feel that your child would be better off at that school. No one else will put your child first.

Having said that don't get too wound up about it, when I look back at children's primary school education it's largely irrelevant as long as they learn the basics and are happy.

SootySweepandSue · 07/11/2011 17:03

Essexgirl- thanks for the explanation I was not aware of having to do 2 applications. I am unsure if that is the same here for CoE schools. We have 3 out of 7 that are within a few miles. I'm still undecided what to do (plenty of time), but it does seem that there are a lot of church schools around here and I do not personally know 1 single Christian!

Original poster

ThoughtCriminal · 07/11/2011 17:06

I'm thinking of taking DS to church near Christmastime this year. I can't fit church into my schedule for the next 5 weeks as I will be working every Sunday until the middle of December!

I did start going to the church I was baptised at as a newborn again when DS was a few months old. I met with the Priest and asked him to baptise DS. He told me that he did not recognise me as a regular churchgoer and would need to see me attend more regularly before he would agree to baptise DS.

I did start attending each week but I just could not keep it up and I did not find the priest's attitude to DS very welcoming or very Christian for that matter.

I don't really care which church we attend now as long as we are welcomed and not made to feel like outsiders. That is the only worry I have. Do churches always tend to view newcomers with suspicion?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 07/11/2011 17:08

Do churches have to view all new comers with suspicion?

Yes, because a good number of those with children are trig to get their child a place in a church school and have no real faith or commitment!

Sevenfold · 07/11/2011 17:10

I did it, went to church to get ds into the school......and then enjoyed it so kept going until I moved.

seeker · 07/11/2011 17:11

Havingkittens · 07/11/2011 17:14

Never mind pretending to be religious to get into a school. I think it's morally wrong that children should only be eligible for higher standards of state education if they come from a religious family. Atheists are just as entitled to a good education, as are kids from non-CofE/Catholic religions.

ItWasABoojum · 07/11/2011 17:15

It depends how he said it, ThoughtCriminal, but the Priest doesn't sound suspicious to me. To a Christian, Baptism is an important ceremony that marks the beginnings of a lifelong commitment. Asking you to attend regularly for a while to be sure you could keep the promises you were going to make is a perfectly reasonable ask - and given that you couldn't keep it up it sounds like he made the right decision. It doesn't mean that you/your DS wouldn't be welcome to attend the church.

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