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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my neighbour to stop feeding my cat?

103 replies

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 06/11/2011 07:18

The situation is trivial but I'm losing patience really.

We have had our puss for over 10 years, since he was a kitten. We brought him and another cat back from Cyprus where we used to live for a while. We have lived on the same street now for 8 years to and never had a problem.

A middle aged couple 6 doors down has started letting my cat in to their house, feeding him, keeping him in overnight and not putting him out. They have bought him a bed, put a new collar on him. We have asked them to stop letting him in but they keep doing it.

They smoke in the house so we know when he's been round there coz he stinks. Last night the lady brought him to us (we thought he was in the house somewhere) and she had sprayed him with perfume!!

How can I stop them letting him in to their house and feeding him?

Tried keeping him in but he gets sad, and I think that's mean anyway. I'm assuming he's going to the house for the peace and quiet he doesn't get here, but I begrudge them keeping him in and feeding him.

Anyone had this before?

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 06/11/2011 07:29

No advice really, I don't have cats. But I would say YANBU, sounds very annoying! They put a new collar on him? Shock what a cheek! Did you take it off again?

BendyBob · 06/11/2011 08:12

It's not trivial! I'm afraid I'd be absolutely furious. She is enticing your much loved pet awayAngry.

This is more than just a bit of misplaced kindness, I mean putting on a collar ffs and buying in food and a bed and keeping the cat in overnightHmm They are bang out of order.

At least you've now sussed out where your cat is going, it must be worse to know it's happening and not not who's doing it.

In a way she's stealing your pet. I'd have an extremely serious (angry) word with them about it. Mention the word 'stealing' and how upset you all are as a family. Perhaps the thought of young children bereft at their cat going to live somewhere else for much of the time will prick their conscience.

If they want a pet and all the vets bills and responsibility that goes with one, then get their own!

LisasCat · 06/11/2011 08:20

Tell them that you don't mind if they let the cat in their house for a short while and give him some affection (because let's be honest, we all know cats are attention whores and will go anywhere for a bit of luvin'!), but the feeding is seriously damaging his health. Scare them a bit with a white lie about a visit to the vet, who has told you that overfeeding and the inconsistent diet your cat is being given has led to early signs of pancreatic problems. Then politely point out that this will cause huge veterinary bills that you will expect them to pay.

Once you've stopped them feeding him, he'll be less inclined to stay there overnight if he knows that his only meals are back at yours.

Megatron · 06/11/2011 08:21

Tell them to buy their own bloody cat! It's not like he's a stray, they know he belongs to you so tell them if they don't stop that you'll be forced to report them to the local Pet Snatching Department. They may not realise there's no such thing. Smile

TopazMortmain · 06/11/2011 08:22

As an owner of multiple cats I would keep the cat in for a while... And speak to your lunatic neighbours. You are responsible for the wellbeing of your cat and they should not be taking it in. Give them the leaflet for a local rescue centre?

mummytotwoboys · 06/11/2011 08:25

Get him chipped. I think if you do this and they shut him in you can claim they have stolen your property. Look it up though because I dont know for certain.

This would REALLY annoy me. What about telling them they are making him ill as he has to have medicine every time he eats and special (Very expensive) cat food and you will be billing them for his vets bills if they dont stop it (A white lie but possibly true as my mums cat has to have these things because of her liver).

Or you could try producing some leaflets with his picture on saying lost / stolen etc and shove one through their letter box everytime they take him.

Make him a "sanctuary" with a magnetic cat flap in the shed so he can go somewhere for some peace, they he might stop going there.

mummytotwoboys · 06/11/2011 08:26

x post with Lisascat re vet Blush

items · 06/11/2011 08:28

Go to a pound and get them a cat. Take it to them and state that given they were providing your puss so much attention and they bought food and a cat they were primed for their own kitty! SO here you go. Thanks for the attention on your cat. Enjoy

TastyMuffins · 06/11/2011 08:29

I had a similar problem, no new collar though. My cat went off his food and would spend more time away. I found out a neighbour had bought him food bowls and was feeding him. I asked her not to as he had health problems and was on a prescription diet. If she stopped, he was still getting fed somewhere so I put a key ring tag on his collar instructing 'Do not feed me, I am on a special prescription diet'. Poor cat died shortly after, not sure of the feeding affected him but certainly the fact that he was often in other houses added to the delay in finding him seriously ill and actually hiding behind sofa.

april74 · 06/11/2011 08:35

Yes I would be annoyed too and would have to have a word, perhaps mention for kids get upset and worry when he is not in at night or something.
Good luck.

BendyBob · 06/11/2011 08:36

I'm assuming they actually told you about the getting him a bed and food for him. Good grief what a flipping cheek!Angry.

Cats are independant and ultimately make the choice about where they spend their time, but that's always a choice based on what's on offer. When they are being actively enticed with food and kept indoors overnight then that's not the cat's choice alone.

Good idea about laying it on thick about how ill he gets with all the extra food and the wrong type. I'd lay it on very thick and say whatever I had to to make them stop this. Probably though I'd have just exploded after the food, bed and collar revelation.

We have two very much loved cats. The thought of anyone doing that makes me very cross (as you can probably tell with me ranting on! SorryBlush)

ballstoit · 06/11/2011 08:44

YANBU. A neighbour started feeding one of my cats and letting him sleep on her bed last winter. Then started to come round to my house and say 'Mogs is in mine again, do you want to come and get him'. Erm no, I don't want to trek down the street and carry my cat home, I want you to stop feeding him and letting him in. She even asked if she could come and check my cat flap as the cat is often out at night, the flap is fine for FFS he likes hunting at night Angry.

The cat rarely comes to my house any more, clearly preferring the peace at her house (and the comfy bed to sleep on rather than a blanket on the floor!). And every time we see this neighbour she insists on giving me a run down on what meat she's bought for him this week.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 06/11/2011 08:44

It's cat theft and if I were you I would tel them so.....take the collar off, take it round and tell them that you have informed the police and the cat is now chipped. Say that if you hear or see it in there again you will knowck round for it AFTER you call the police.

MrsUnassumingTroll · 06/11/2011 08:52

We ended up adopting our neighbours' cats because they latched on to us, neighbours weren't that bothered with them. In our case we tried to keep the cats out but they barged in every time we opened a door or window. The cats were desperate for food and attention (and new collars - theirs fell apart and dropped off, after a few days we asked the neighbours if it was okay to get them new ones) they weren't getting at home. It turned out they hadn't had any of their jabs for years either, let alone flea and worming, and nor were they litter-trained. Until we let them sleep in our house, they were forced to sleep outside every night.

Whereas this is clearly not the case with you.

Do you have one of those collars that say "DO NOT FEED"?

Otherwise it's bloody difficult to stop a cat going somewhere. It can of course work to your advantage, saving you a fortune on cattery fees if you ever go away (my neighbours never bothered with a cattery, just told us they were going away and knew we'd feed the cats).

But I would just have a word with them, say your DCs are upset, missing the cat, etc, and see if that helps.

There is also a 'Litter Tray' topic on MN, you might want to try posting there too for more advice.

BendyBob · 06/11/2011 08:57

And and..why for love of god would you spray perfume on an animal??!Confused

FruStefanLindman · 06/11/2011 09:05

They are bonkers. I agree a few stern words about cat theft/chipping/special diet/vets bills etc wouldn't go amiss.

I don't understand why people do this.

Our neighbours twin cats (I now know why the term 'curiosity killed the cat' was invented Grin) frequently come into us for a nosy and maybe a brief snooze before they wander off for a nosy in the next house. But I'd never dream of feeding them.

OTOH, one of my best friends seems to have a visiting cat. She's always banging on about the cat coming in and what it did and she once told me that although they don't feed it, they do give it milk. I said to her that it's not a good idea to give cats milk as milk isn't good for a lot of them (lactose intolerant, I think). She clearly didn't quite get what I was going on about as I heard her say to someone, a couple of weeks later, that "Fru said I shouldn't give it milk as it would encourage it to keep coming in".

I feel like saying to her, "why don't you get your own cat?"... maybe I will

Chandon · 06/11/2011 09:10

are these people for real?!

WardrobeYeti · 06/11/2011 09:17

I would keep him inside. It may be a transition for your cat but maybe you could buy a few cat trees and build shelves for him? It would give him vertical space to hang about in, and he'd have places to explore and somewhere to go when it's loud/he's being bothered by kids. It might seem cruel but when I lived in the US we never let our cats out because of coyotes and other dangerous animals. They did okay after we provided lots of shelves and cat trees for them to roam around on :)

Examples of cat shelves from google images: tinyurl.com/62dv4mh

ChuffMuffin · 06/11/2011 09:23

My old next door neighbours tried to pinch my cat. Their recently deceased cat looked a lot like mine, who I'd rescued 8 years previously from a vets when he was in a horrendous condition (hit by a car, huge abscess that had been removed). They would let him in their house, call him over in front of me and tell him he was "their beautiful boy", that they loved him very much and that they knew he loved them too Shock. They also used to say to me in a weird way "Your cat has been in our house again", in a gloating, faux annoyed way. Seriously nuts. I was furious. He came back home one day with a pink sparkly collar on and I lost my shit. Took the collar off and flung it at their house.

They cooled off after that but unfortunately a few months later my cat died after he was hit by a car. :(

I just don't understand people who do this. Sorry you're going through it too OP, it's extremely frustrating.

ditavonteesed · 06/11/2011 09:25

I have been having a similar problem, my neighbour thinks my cats (well all my animals) are hard done by and has been feeding and letting my cats sleep there for 3 years, she then decided that she didnt want them in and started shutting them out at night, one cat refused to come home to us and started sleeping under a tree down the road, I asked her if she saw my cats to return them to me a few weeks ago, she returned them within half an hour, one of them is a rag doll and needs brushing regualrly. they have been in since, we are planning on letting them out again tommorow although they seem quite happy inside tbh so I am in 2 minds whther to let them out again.

BendyBob · 06/11/2011 09:29

Blimey quite a few posters have had the same problem!Shock. Why do people do it? They can't legally help themselves to your car, the plants in your garden, memebers of your family, but they make a play for your petHmm

It seems very sad to have to keep him in as he's now used to going out. I think the neighbours should be tackled rather than taking away his freedom although I guess you might have to if they won't see sense. I'd even speak to the police first though if they won't stop.

Yes Fru you're absolutely right about ordinary milk cream etc being bad for cats. They often love the taste of it though and will drink it if they're given it. It can make them quite sick Sad.

BertieBotts · 06/11/2011 09:33

I have neighbours like this as well. They are neurotic about the cat too, I think because the crafty thing developed a limp which he only ever did in front of them. Meaning that every time they mentioned it to me I thought they were bonkers and they thought I was negligent. Until I caught him Hmm

Then there was the time I was walking past on the way to pick DS up, the cat started to follow me and they called "Don't follow her!" to him Angry

Have also heard one of them shouting at the cat (by name) in the street in the middle of the night saying "NO, Bernard! Naughty Bernard! Naughty boy!" Confused Shock

Anyway vet has now said he's getting too fat so I've told them the vet has said they're not to feed him.

ChuffMuffin · 06/11/2011 09:34

The only thing I can think is people must be flattered that a cat has "chosen them" and think maybe it's not getting the attention it wants at home.

The simple answer however is just that your neighbours are batshit cat thieves.

wherearemysocka · 06/11/2011 09:46

This happened to me too, I tried the 'he's on a special diet' thing to no avail. In fact the elderly gentleman cat thief was telling his kids that I wasn't looking after the cat properly...

Some posters on another forum suggested I give the cat laxatives and send him to them...

roz1982 · 06/11/2011 10:41

Oh my god this really hits a raw nerve with me and makes me so Angry!!!!

Why do people do this??? You want an cat, go and look in newsagents/pet shop windows/ ask around friends if any cat has had kittens and go get your own fucking cat. THEN, look after it, raise it, feed it, litter train it, get it spade or castrated, get its injections done, pay vets bills, get pet insurance for gods sake and make it part of your family. DO not JUST STEAL ANOTHER PERSONS PERFECTLY WELL LOOKED AFTER CAT!!!!!!!!! This has happened to me TWICE before and I will never let it happen again.

My advice...get round to the cat thiefs house, get Your cat back and tell them to never feed or clothe or take it in as thief own EVER AGAIN. YANBU YANBU YANBU YANBU.

YANBU