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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my neighbour to stop feeding my cat?

103 replies

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 06/11/2011 07:18

The situation is trivial but I'm losing patience really.

We have had our puss for over 10 years, since he was a kitten. We brought him and another cat back from Cyprus where we used to live for a while. We have lived on the same street now for 8 years to and never had a problem.

A middle aged couple 6 doors down has started letting my cat in to their house, feeding him, keeping him in overnight and not putting him out. They have bought him a bed, put a new collar on him. We have asked them to stop letting him in but they keep doing it.

They smoke in the house so we know when he's been round there coz he stinks. Last night the lady brought him to us (we thought he was in the house somewhere) and she had sprayed him with perfume!!

How can I stop them letting him in to their house and feeding him?

Tried keeping him in but he gets sad, and I think that's mean anyway. I'm assuming he's going to the house for the peace and quiet he doesn't get here, but I begrudge them keeping him in and feeding him.

Anyone had this before?

OP posts:

roz1982 · 06/11/2011 10:43

P.s it's not a trivial issue...it's your pet!!!!! My cat means the world to me!!!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 06/11/2011 10:55

Is he microchipped OP?

You might want to get him done now if he isn't already, just to make sure you don't end up in a situation where they claim their cat only looks like your cat and they don't know where your cat went but this one is theirs.

whojamaflip · 06/11/2011 11:12

I had this a few years ago when a neighbour actually took my cat and had him microchipped! She claimed he was a stray and that she had put posters up saying she'd found him. We live in a village with only 70 residents and one street through it - no way she put anything up. Only found out where he'd gone when he happened to pitch up at home with a brand new collar on! We hadn't been too worried about him cos he always disappeared on the farm for up to a week at a time - loved ratting and slept in the barn.

Anyway long story short he was hit by a car, was taken by the driver to the local vets who recognised him (blue cat with no tail - they had amputated it a couple of years before due to being stood on by a cow) and phoned me then told me about the chip. neighbour deined it was anything to do with her and said she'd never seen cat before in her life. Vet confronted her re microchip at which point she changed her mind and said he was a stray. Then accused us of trying to steal her cat ! AND called the police!!!!! Turned out the lady had mental health issues and she moved away soon after. Bluesey stayed with us with the chip details changed (a whole other saga to get that done btw)

Agree with pp to get him chipped - at least you can prove he's yours should it come to it. The only reason we were able to hang on to Bluesey is that he was so distinctive and our vets were prepared to back us up.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 06/11/2011 11:16

Do you have the same neighbours as me ? Hey have done all of he above and our cat has now basically moved out, when he comes home he sprays everywhere.

Poor dd and I spent hours searching for him last night, she was in tears over the hought of him being out and getting hurt, I bloody knew he,d be there and he was

Abcinthia · 06/11/2011 11:21

YANBU I'd be furious.

I can't reaally add any other advice apart from what has been said already but I hope you manage to sort it out.

FruStefanLindman · 06/11/2011 11:25

You know what I think about the perfume spraying BendyBob? I think the mad neighbour thinks if she sprays her perfume on the OP's cat, then it will imprint 'her smell' with the cat.

slavetofilofax · 06/11/2011 11:29

You own a cat, and you can't have it both ways.

You can't let your cat out to sit in other people's gardens and then stop people doing whatever they want to do when your property trespasses on to their property.

If you want a pet that you have control over, get a dog. I can see why you are annoyed, but it seems to me that cat owners just want everything their own way. They spout all this 'the cat has to be allowed out, we can't control what he does' shit, and then complain when someone else is nice to the animal.

Would you rather they threw it back over their fence to get rid of it because it was unwanted? Or would you say that they were being cruel and cats should be allowed to roam (and shit) where they want?

redpanda13 · 06/11/2011 11:48

Why don't you post a leaflet through her door from the local Cat Protection League? They are full of pics of cats who need a home. My old cat used to get fed by one of my neighbours. She had a cat who had been knocked down and was now too afraid to get another one. She did not want the heartbreak. Being with my cat was a step on her way to realising she did want a cat of her own. Maybe your neighbour is in a similar position and just needs a little nudge?

lesley33 · 06/11/2011 11:55

A friend of mine has done this with a neighbours cat. Whenever any friend makes a reference to them "stealing" the cat they insist the cat wouldn't come and stay in their house if it "was happy and looked after properly". The cat looked perfectly healthy and well cared for by its real owners.

I don't really have any solutions tbh. I agree that it is unfair not to let the cat out at night and you can't stop the cat going elsewhere.

BendyBob · 06/11/2011 11:58

It's hard to know where to start with your post slavetofilofax

Oh well, I'll just take strength from the fact that out of umpteen posters on here you are the only one who seems to see this from such an..erm unusual viewpoint.

Anniegetyourgun · 06/11/2011 12:05

As an owner of two rescued cats this doubly annoys me. Not only are the catnappers depriving a family of their pet, they are meanwhile leaving hundreds of perfectly delightful cats shut up in pens in rescue centres (and using up scarce resources which could be used for rescuing more cats). Why don't they do you and the nearest rescue centre a big favour and get their own?

Kladdkaka · 06/11/2011 12:14

I've lost 2 cats this way. Not any more. Now if I suspect one of them is getting its lurve somewhere else, it gets grounded and the catflap is locked until further notice.

elephantsteaparty · 06/11/2011 12:49

Does he come in at a decent time normally, when not kept in by your neighbours? If so, why don't you go to their house every time he does't come back and ask for him back? Perhaps at a later time than you'd normally disturb people, thus annoying them? They may decide that keeping him in is not worth the hassle.

Good luck.

mummymccar · 06/11/2011 13:05

This really annoys me - a cat is a part of the family Fgs! Our cat was abandoned by her previous owners as a 6 month old kitten and adopted us. (we moved into her old house). We didn't feed her until we had made enquiries in the local area about where she had come from and then because she looked like she was starving. It took us 6 long months of tracking down her previous owners with fliers, door to door enquiries, vet exams, etc before our vet tracked down her previous owners and brokered a deal where we got to keep her. I can't believe anyone would ever dream of taking a cat from their home.

BubbleBobble · 06/11/2011 14:55

People can be seriously nuts. Our cat is an attention whore and we KNEW he was spending time at different houses, but we let him out one night and ten minutes later he came back with a different collar on. Someone had obviously removed OUR collar (with identifying tag) and put their own on him. I was furious.

We made a little leaflet up and printed it out - pictures of the cat as a kitten and how he is now, with some text saying he had a home, we'd had him from a kitten and that we knew he is very friendly and that people are welcome to play with him, but that we were politely asking them not to feed him or shut him in.

The next evening, our front door was HAMMERED on by a man who was waving the leaflet around and was almost purple in the face with rage. He was spluttering incoherently about how we'd upset his little girl (er, how?) and that they'd been feeding the cat because he was 'obviously hungry as he keeps miaowing for food' (yes, because he is a cat and that's what cats do - they miaow) and how dare we try to tell him what to do?! I was pregnant at the time and I just dissolved into tears. We ended up calling the police as he was that bad, but he drove off before they got there. I still think that he was so angry because he KNEW he was in the wrong and he'd obviously told his daughter that our cat was 'her' cat, when the leaflet proved him wrong.

Definitely YANBU!

bitsnbobs · 06/11/2011 15:05

I know a few people who have aquired cats that have left their own homes that have children in, to move into a quieter abode/tastier food/owner in allday.
I am a confessed cat stealer , a cat kept sleeping in my shed all the time. I realised she was pregnant and went round to the owners numerous times and asked them to keep her in at night or get a catflap but nothing happened. Then she started coming into the house and we arrived home oneday and she had given birth to 5 kittens in ds's bedroom! We still have her and she still likes wandering to the neighbours but always comes back.
Think you should have a word with neighbours and see what they say.

BendyBob · 06/11/2011 15:09

Bubble I am speechless! (And as dh will confirm, that is pretty rare)

How awful for you Did it get resolved?

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/11/2011 15:16

Get the cat chipped pronto.

Ring cats protection and ask them what, if any, legal implications are.

Make a complaint to the police that someone is assuming rights of ownership over your cat. Do not be fobbed off and ask that they go and have a word with them. Never nice for people to have a police car outside the front door while an officer gives you a lecture.

Tell all the neighbours you know that they are cat stealers who are breaking your kids hearts.

chipmonkey · 06/11/2011 15:21

My Mum does this when she comes to stay with us and it drives me mad! She feeds the neighbours' cat and of course he comes back for more! The only thing that worries me is that I do wonder if the cat is being neglected during the week. The cat belongs to the daughter of the house who is away at college during the week and only comes home at weekends. I think the cat is then alone with her Dad and I suspect he forgets about the cat sometimes.

LovingChristmas · 06/11/2011 15:32

I have to say priority number 1 is getting the cat chipped, just on case it escalates with the neighbour claiming she owns said cat, number 2 is saying cat has had high liver results and unfortunately, is now on special (expensive food) so can you please not feed her any more, otherwise said vets bill will be coming your way!

I'm a sort of cat stealer, but tried not to be, our cat followed me from main road one day, really loudly miowing, flea ridden and very skinny, but really affectionate, I gave her some food and then started making enquiries, I door knocked over 200 houses, to be told that people had seen her but didn't know where she was from, I rang all the rescues, no cat reported missing, I advertised in shops, on internet sites and in local papers and no one ever claimed her (obv checked for chip as well). I had her defleaed and then waited for someone to claim her. No one ever did! Their loss, as she is soooo sweet, she came house trained, litter trained and after a vets trip discovered she was also spayed as well, Cats protection think she was just dumped at the height of the recession as all the centres were full and couldn't take any more on.

She is a sod, and buggers of visiting the neighbours while I'm at work, I usually get texts regarding she was found on x's bed, under x's bed, on y's sofa, and on Z's avairy!! But they never feed her and she always comes home to us!!

Good luck!!1

ilovesprouts · 06/11/2011 15:40

my next door always feeds my cat then he complains ,and the other ones always letting him in too

Nowtspecial · 06/11/2011 15:56

Dear X, please stop keeping my cat in, he smells of cigarettes regularly, and not wanting to die of cancer I don't smoke, I also don't want MY cat to die of cancer so
A) stop keeping my cat inside your house
B) STOP KEEPING MY CAT INSIDE YOUR ( STINKY ) HOUSE.

Personally, as a multi-cat owner who has been there I would keep him in for at least a month. I have indoor cats now and some were outdoor and adjusted. If you really think it's mean then get a flap that only comes in, and cat flaps should be locked at night anyhow ... well, when it gets dark really.

Don't let the buggers get away with it.

Original poster

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 06/11/2011 15:58

Thanks for all your posts, Thought I might be being a bit neurotic but obviously not.

I know they have a bed for him because I knocked on asking if said puss was there and they invited me in to see him curled up in his new bed. I did take the collar off that they bought, puss is microchipped so they can't claim he is theirs. What makes me cross is when she says'"You have to do what's best for the cat!" - cheeky moo.

Think I will try keeping him in for a few days and see how he gets on.

The perfume she used was Opium by YSL, my grandma used to wear it. Bloody weirdo's!

Just annoying that I have to keep him in because of them.

Can I call the police if it continues?

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

marriedinwhite · 06/11/2011 16:09

Oh, I don't know. Nobody should take or encourage a cat we only have three because: near neighbours got kitten brothers and also had three children. One of their young cats loves peace and the other is happy with kids. We had two cats and this little lad kept coming in and eating their food and oddly enough they tolerated him really well. For months we tried to shut him out (our don't wear collars because they are v. adventurous and kept coming home without them and so no magnets to keep out the other cat); shooing him out never worked although he used to go home at night when he was called.

Eventually we found out where he lived because we were going on holiday. I explained the situation to his mummy and she was horrified that we had been feeding this lad for 9 months. For a year or two she sent round cat food once a month thereafter! We handled it, I think, quite well between us; it was simply that the cat liked it round ours. After a while the family moved away and she came round for a long chat and it was agreed that as her cat didn't like it at theirs when the children were up, if we would have him, he would be happier if he stayed with us if we didn't mind.

The children send him Xmas and birthday cards and we send them a picture! None of this was intentional and I would be horrified if anyone thought we had stolen someone else;s cat.

BubbleBobble · 06/11/2011 16:32

Marriedinwhite, that's a different situation though. You didn't encourage the cat.

BendyBob, nope, it was never resolved. We knew which side of the estate the man had come from but we never managed to find out where he lived, or I would have sent the police round. When DS was born we moved house shortly after, so it's not an issue now. Oliver-cat is happy in our new house and pretty much sticks close to home, but I was at the door the other day when a woman walked past, saw the cat and went 'OH! Is that your cat? He was in my house the other day eating our food.' so he's up to his old tricks again.

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