Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy my 6YO a Nintendo DS for Christmas even though he really wants one?

100 replies

Fayrazzled · 04/11/2011 18:11

My 6YO is desperate for a DS for Christmas. He is in Y2 at school and although he is young for the year, many of his friends, several of whom are 7, have one.

The reasons I don't want him to have one:

  • I feel he has enough screen time any way via the TV and he is occasionally allowed to play on his dad's phone

  • He has a bit of an obsessive personality with things he really likes and tends to pursue them to the exclusion of all others- I don't want him to be like that with the DS and I also don't want to deal with daily tantrums when it is time to turn the DS off

  • He isn't brilliant at "playing" anyway- being 6 I'd prefer him to be playing with other toys like Playmobil or Lego, which he doesn't play with much currently- he does very little imaginative play

  • He doesn't handle playing on his Dad's phone well and often cries, e.g. if he loses.

My MiL thinks I am being mean and that it is unfair to not buy him a toy that many of his peers have. I think my reasons are more valid and that at the moment he doesn't really know what he is missing.

But, his best friend's mum told me today she is getting her son one for Christmas. I know my son will be bereft to find his BF has one and that Father Christmas (whom he is starting to be sceptical about) has brought his friend one and not him. I don't want him to think he wasn't good enough to get one (he is already very hard on himself) or that he isn't loved as much as his friend.

He would be beside himself to open one on Christmas morning. But I really don't want him to have one yet for the reasons I have mentioned. What do I do?

OP posts:
activate · 04/11/2011 18:13

it's up to you

but it's not the devil

buy him one

tell him only at the weekend

tell him only for x amount of time

time him

stick to it

pinkhebe · 04/11/2011 18:14

my friend's children are only allowed to use computers/ds/wii at the weekened. Would this work if you instigated the rule from the beginning?

TheFidgetySheep · 04/11/2011 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilyloo · 04/11/2011 18:16

I really don't understand why people can't just limit the time their dc's spend on computers.
Having a computer game doesn't eliminate all other types of play. As in school they will get computer time but not at exclusion of other types of play / work.

IneedAbetterNickname · 04/11/2011 18:16

I bought DS1 one for his 7th bday, 2nd hand. He is allowed 1/2 hour a day, IF he has behaved/done his homework etc etc. He very rarely asks to go on it weekdays, he is usually doing something else.. Sometimes longer at the weekends. His TV is also limited, as is PS2 time.

Sanesometimes1 · 04/11/2011 18:17

sorry, but yes YABU - how could you bear it on xmas morning if you don't buy him one !!

usualsuspect · 04/11/2011 18:19

just buy him one

activate · 04/11/2011 18:20

don't see why lego has more intrinsic value than a DS game tbh - I think that's just because you didn't grow up with it

Almanzo · 04/11/2011 18:21

What activate said.
My 3 all have one. I think they're great, worth every penny, indispensible for long journeys. Get the DSi and he can be very imaginative with the camera and if his mates have them they can interact with each other.
You can control what he does with it by picking games you approve of.
It doesn't sound like you are a particularly indulgent parent generally so I'm sure he'll be fine.

AitchTwoOh · 04/11/2011 18:23

i don't want to get dd one because every time she sits using one she becomes so passive it's just weird...

schnitzelvoncrumm · 04/11/2011 18:23

yanbu. To posters who say "how could you bear it on xmas morning if you don't buy him one" what planet are you on that children get exactly what they ask for and anything they want??????

Perhaps some families can do this and will do this, but our kids give us ideas of what they'd like and if they ask for the moon on the stick we explain that moons on sticks are too expensive and why not think of some other ideas.

DeWe · 04/11/2011 18:23

My dc all had them. They got them at 9yo, 6yo and 3yo. None of them have over-used them, but they've been worth their weight in gold at times.

They had a "honeymoon period" where they used them quite a bit, but that didn't last more than a couple of weeks, since then I haven't had to limit the use because they have other things they like doing.

laluna · 04/11/2011 18:24

I think they are quite good; can be used to your advantage (my two were occupied on theirs while I met the bank manager!). I actually keep theirs and they have to ask for it. There are rules, such as not before school, not too late at night etc.

Chulita · 04/11/2011 18:26

YANBU - you know what your DS is like, only you can really judge how difficult this could become.
My youngest brother is quite obsessive and has little imagination so I can understand why you wouldn't want to buy him one.
Fwiw, I wouldn't buy my DC one of their own but I wouldn't mind having one that they can all share at different times. I'm not a big fan either of DC getting whatever they ask for at Christmas or of personal 'screens' that potentially shut you off from other people.

SacreLao · 04/11/2011 18:27

My children have DS's, my son is not impressed and broke his very quickly, lesson learnt and he will not get another one!

My daughter loves hers and gets a lot from it. We buy a lot of the educational games and it really has brought her maths skills on.

We also restrict computer time to weekends only so it's not constant.

GiganticusBottomus · 04/11/2011 18:31

We had a rule that if there was a fuss turning it off then they didn't get it at all the next day. It soon stopped the tantrums.

ifitsnotanarse · 04/11/2011 18:34

I swore blind that I would never buy a DS, XBox or whatever for DS1. DH persuaded Santa to get a Wii last Christmas and I have to admit, it's quite good fun. Because it's a Wii and hooked into the TV in the living room, we decide how much time he has on it (only at weekends and holidays). Also we all play together as a family - bowling, golf, Mario Karts. It is good fun and not the devil's handiwork as I previously thought
But he's not getting a DS - ever! (evil Grin)

marfisa · 04/11/2011 18:35

I bought one for my 6 yr old and it has worked out fine. It is a powerful incentive to persuade him to do other things ("If you practice your music, you can play for 20min on your DS" and so on). The Club Penguin game we bought him (the first game we purchased to go with it) required a lot of reading and really helped his reading along.

Kids who don't have DSs are the ones who want to spend all their time playing with it when they come round on playdates. Once a child actually owns one, the novelty wears off.

Naturally if you want to wait, it's your decision, but I don't see any harm in it if you limit his playing time, as others have said. I love to see a child's face light up on Christmas morning.

piratecat · 04/11/2011 18:36

buy him one!! i would. it's xmas!

Original poster
Fayrazzled · 04/11/2011 18:37

Obviously I would set limits on his use of the DS- but my concern is it would just up the stress in my/our lives. He cries now when he has to finish on my H's phone and has difficulty 'turning off' once the game has finished. And I know he would pester to be allowed on it. And would probably end up walking on the thing. And it's ££££.

But I know he would love it. Or at least, he thinks he would love it, so it would make his Christmas Day.

I guess I just don't like video games for young children all that much. I feel like if I say yes, it's because his friend is getting one. But I know he will be upset not to get one if his friend does.

OP posts:
welliesandpyjamas · 04/11/2011 18:39

I understand your op. I was pestered for one during yr 2 too but really felt it was too young to be attached to a screen like that. Plus there was the expense!!

We've never bought him one (don't like buying such expensive presents for kids) but for his 8th birthday most people gave him money and combined with his saved up pocket money he had enough buy himself a used DS with games from ebay. He luuuuurves it but can only use it after asking, if he has earnt the 'DS' time, and for a limited amount of time. That's cool with me because he bought it himself and also use is limited and has conditions, which is far easier to implement with a less tears n tanrums prone 8 yr old!

welliesandpyjamas · 04/11/2011 18:40

DS used to get the difficulty turning off and meltdowns if he lost too. So for that resason too it was worth waiting two years for us.

Original poster
Fayrazzled · 04/11/2011 18:49

I would much rather wait until he is 8, welliesandpyjamas. But how do I deal with the whole BF getting a DS thing? It will be so hard for my son to understand that FC got his friend one but not him. .

OP posts:
celticlassie · 04/11/2011 18:55

I think it's supposed to help maths too.

FabbyChic · 04/11/2011 18:59

Whilst I do understand to some extent limiting time, have you any idea what it is like for anybody who plays a game to be told off now thats it when you are not at a save point? Are half way through something, it isnt rocket science to know that if you have ten mins left and are nearly at the end it's mega upsetting to have to lose all your playing time because you cannot complete a specific part of a game.

I'd say times nearly up next save point you have to turn it off.

I never limited my childrens time, Im not that anal, they are well adjusted adults now and it hasn't harmed them any.

Trying to keep them from technology because of how you view things really is not fair, they live in a different age to what you did when you were a kid, we have colour TV's now and they are no longer huge but have flat screens.

Get him one you are being mean, this is not about you.

You can also determine what games he plays on it too. YOu can interact with him whilst he plays on it, play with him as it were, enrich your time together.

If he doesn't like lego why force him to play with it?