To not buy my 6YO a Nintendo DS for Christmas even though he really wants one?

[Fayrazzled]

My 6YO is desperate for a DS for Christmas. He is in Y2 at school and although he is young for the year, many of his friends, several of whom are 7, have one.

The reasons I don't want him to have one:

• I feel he has enough screen time any way via the TV and he is occasionally allowed to play on his dad's phone

• He has a bit of an obsessive personality with things he really likes and tends to pursue them to the exclusion of all others- I don't want him to be like that with the DS and I also don't want to deal with daily tantrums when it is time to turn the DS off

• He isn't brilliant at "playing" anyway- being 6 I'd prefer him to be playing with other toys like Playmobil or Lego, which he doesn't play with much currently- he does very little imaginative play

• He doesn't handle playing on his Dad's phone well and often cries, e.g. if he loses.

My MiL thinks I am being mean and that it is unfair to not buy him a toy that many of his peers have. I think my reasons are more valid and that at the moment he doesn't really know what he is missing.

But, his best friend's mum told me today she is getting her son one for Christmas. I know my son will be bereft to find his BF has one and that Father Christmas (whom he is starting to be sceptical about) has brought his friend one and not him. I don't want him to think he wasn't good enough to get one (he is already very hard on himself) or that he isn't loved as much as his friend.

He would be beside himself to open one on Christmas morning. But I really don't want him to have one yet for the reasons I have mentioned. What do I do?

I can't believe you're getting nagging to buy one from MNers, too!

FWIW, it sounds as though you have very sound reasons to think your DS can't handle this, and since when do we have to do everything children want?

If it's going to be a continual strain on your relationship - as opposed to one day's worth of crying - why on earth do it? He will suffer from the poor relationship, too; it's not all about you, you know. Have some faith in yourself!

YANBU.

My DC do all have a DS, but we don't have a wii or Xbox or PS3 because I don't want them to have too much screen time.

I'm the parent, it's my call

You could get a second hand one? Also I agree, when they have one the novelty wears off and they become a lot less obsessed. If he still really believes in f c he might be a bit cast down if his friend gets one- but he may be on the edge of knowing anyway!

Mine started with DS, then bought their own DSi a few years later (When DD2s DS got broken). DSi is has more creativity type features. My girls love making cartoon videos and the camera. They are now 7 & 9, but got their DSs at 4 & 6.

Regarding not getting one for Xmas, can you persuade your DS that some other toy would be better for Xmas, and consider 7th Birthday as good time to get one? Easier to set conditions on its use if it comes from you rather than FC.

Also, if it turns out that your son isn't going along with your rules, if it comes from you it will be easier to take it back off him and put it away for a period of time until you think he will cope better.

If you wait for 8th birthday, you will have to go through all this again next Xmas...

"Get him one you are being mean, this is not about you."

WTF?

DS1 wants a BB gun for Christmas. Maybe I should give in if it's not about me.

celticlassie- I know there are educational games available, but TBH, his maths isn't something he needs extra help with.

Fabbychic- when I say I limit his time- I do understand it would be frustrating to turn off in the middle of a game, usually I let him finish the game he is on when the timer goes. But he is only playing flickfootball and things like that on the i-phone at the moment so they don't last long. He still cries. I don't force him to play with Lego, but if I'm honest, I would prefer him to be playing imaginatively rather than on a video game. If that makes me anal, so be it.

I do want to understand alternative viewpoints though- I am willing to concede I may be wrong on this. I am not against technology per se. I spend enough time on the internet myself and have fully embraced the delights of online shopping.

plupervert- this is the first time I have really felt tested as a parent. Perhaps I am lucky getting to 6! I know I have years of this sort of dilemma ahead of me!

You are me, this time last year. I was so adamant he wasn't getting one yet, for all the reasons you cite, but gave in, under duress, once someone pointed out how left out he would feel etc etc. So we bought him one, and laid out the conditions - and it has worked out absolutely fine - he is not half as obsessed with it as I feared, it gives him common ground with is peers, and is a way to pass the time that has become normal for todays kids. I reconciled myself to it by thinking that they use computers now all the time in class, in work etc, and that it is just another means of entertainment (do I not use MN in the same way?) He still does Beavers, learns a musical instrument, plays outdoors etc, and the DS is just one of the things he plays with amongst others. Up to you, of course, but I was so so reluctant, and have not regretted changing my mind one bit.

Could you maybe get one as a family present, so it wasn't his specifically? Personally I would buy him one (my ds has one and is also a young-for-his-year Y2) and then limit time on it if it seems to be causing a problem.

Well, you know your child, so if you think it will cause more trouble than pleasure, then you are probably making the right decision!

DS had one from when he was 6, almost 7, and we haven't had any problems, but then he doesn't have the traits you mention.

There are games which are much less about winning or losing, such as Nintendogs, that also, I think, encourage imagination. DS also used his for Maths games.

Way more money, but would you consider a wii? Active, interactive, less private and insular than a DS, perhaps, can be social?

My friend's DS has to earn "DS points" and these get taken away if he misbehaves.

DS has been desperate for one for a couple of years, we didn't get him one last Xmas and do you know what? In the excitement he didn't even notice, but he was only 4 then. I am getting him one this year though.

I don't know the best way for you to explain the FC thing. It depends on his personality and what you think works for him. Tell him FC doesn't give the same to everyone? What would you tell him if he really really really really really wanted a brand new BMW for Christmas? Or anything else ridiculoud and way out of budget? We allcome up with the right excuses for FCwhen put in spot, right? Or does everyone give their childrern exactly what they want every year?

wellies- in the past i have told him FC decides what he thinks would be best for the children- as he knows them well and knows what toys would be best for them etc. He's never really asked for anything pricey before, but I remember my mum telling us that parents have to pay FC for toys he can't make himself, so I could use that line.

But I just know he will be disappointed FC got his BF a DS and not him. and . Not a good combination!

I think you have very sound reasons for not buying a DS for your DS!
Do you have other DCs?

What about a wii? That would avoid some of the intensity problems you (correctly) foresee with a DS.

What activate said.

We gave DS1 DH's old DS for his 6th birthday. He does get a bit loopy if he's on it too long, so, just like computer time (he's very adept with a computer), we limit the time he has on it. We actually find it very good in the mornings for keeping him occupied while I have to deal with DS2 - he knows that if he doesn't close it immediately when I need him to come get washed/dressed/take tablets etc, it gets taken off him. Not all the games for it are competitive and difficult either.

YANBU, and I love tech we are a tech friendly house, but consoles (and especially personal ones) are not the right thing for every child.

It's more expensive, but if you wanted a compromise a wii or xbox with kinect might be better if he struggles with turning off from tech, as a gift for the whole family you can play together and if everyone playing is happy to turn it off at the end of the game it might help him do the same.

Is there anything else he wants that might be more appropriate for him? If so could you big up how awesome they are over the next few months? Or get him excited about the idea of the gift of tickets for a trip out somewhere he really wants to go?

Well, I am in the same predicament as the OP.
Our children are now 9 and 7, and this year they really are asking for a nintendo ds for Christmas.

I really don't know what to do, because I am not keen, mostly due to the fact that I am old and that I really thought there was no space in their life for electronic games until now.

But I am now tempted to give in.

What fabby said!

There is a boy in DS s class who has wanted one for years, his parents are refusing so he has started saving for it himself, it could take a while.
What harm do they do?

DS1 is obsessive about computer games & screen time, always very difficult to get him to stop, but he's fine (moderate) about his DS. Comes off as soon as asked. .

My main concern with a 6yo having a DS is that they don't realise it's sensitive electronics and can easily end up bashing it in a fit of temper. Well, my DSs have been like that.

It is not a question of harm.

I preferred that mine, especially when younger, entertained themselves in more traditional ways. They were both very happy playing with traditional toys etc, therefore they never really missed or asked for any kind of electronic devices until now.
And given that I don't particularly believe that children will miss out if they don't have electronic consoles/computers etc at a young age, I never contemplated getting them any.

Scruffybird is that a serious question?

Yes do you have the answer?

Scruffy- you asked what harm do they do as if the concept of screen time etc. was completely novel to you. A bit like someone saying smoking - bah what harm can it do. It was a genuine question .

You could see if Santa could send him a letter a few weeks before Christmas to say that he can't give 6 year olds a ds for Christmas this year,but that if he is very good,his parents might get him one for his 7th birthday?/It would brace him for the disappointment/envy.

Or get Santa to include instructions for 6 year olds who do get one,to include limited time etc.

I felt the same as you, OP, but in the end we did relent and buy our 6 yr old one. We have firm boundaries in place, though. He is allowed to play it for an hour on Fridays after school and at one other time over the weekend (which we decide). He tries to fight it, but them there are the rules . DH keeps the DS and games locked in his desk drawer, so ner ner ner ner