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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy my 6YO a Nintendo DS for Christmas even though he really wants one?

100 replies

Fayrazzled · 04/11/2011 18:11

My 6YO is desperate for a DS for Christmas. He is in Y2 at school and although he is young for the year, many of his friends, several of whom are 7, have one.

The reasons I don't want him to have one:

  • I feel he has enough screen time any way via the TV and he is occasionally allowed to play on his dad's phone

  • He has a bit of an obsessive personality with things he really likes and tends to pursue them to the exclusion of all others- I don't want him to be like that with the DS and I also don't want to deal with daily tantrums when it is time to turn the DS off

  • He isn't brilliant at "playing" anyway- being 6 I'd prefer him to be playing with other toys like Playmobil or Lego, which he doesn't play with much currently- he does very little imaginative play

  • He doesn't handle playing on his Dad's phone well and often cries, e.g. if he loses.

My MiL thinks I am being mean and that it is unfair to not buy him a toy that many of his peers have. I think my reasons are more valid and that at the moment he doesn't really know what he is missing.

But, his best friend's mum told me today she is getting her son one for Christmas. I know my son will be bereft to find his BF has one and that Father Christmas (whom he is starting to be sceptical about) has brought his friend one and not him. I don't want him to think he wasn't good enough to get one (he is already very hard on himself) or that he isn't loved as much as his friend.

He would be beside himself to open one on Christmas morning. But I really don't want him to have one yet for the reasons I have mentioned. What do I do?

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 04/11/2011 22:36

I could have written your OP, my DS2 is just like yours and I did hold off until he was nearly 8, and he actually saved up for it himself in the end - got it on e-bay.

I have to hide it sometimes. But in general it has not been a problem. Before he bought it I told him all the reasons I was concerned and he seems to have taken it on board. I set boundaries for its use - eg it does not live n his bedroom, and when I tell him to turn it off he must turn it off.

I don't think you should feel forced to buy one, but I don't think you sholld think it will be terrible either, and I don't think you can change him into someone who likes playing with Lego etc (DS2 just doesn't, although DS1 does), but the aim should be to get some balance. Maybe he doesn't like playing on his own - DS2 doesn't really like doing anything on his own, except reading. Have friends round, get out, and play board games with him - whatever he likes.

JamieComeHome · 04/11/2011 22:38

If you don't get him one, he will survive. I don't think you should buy one out of guilt

clappyhands · 04/11/2011 22:46

i never got the mr frosty either and i soooo wanted one

i think i might talk one of the DC into adding it on to their list this year Grin

OP, i think yabu but yanbu either (ie you know your child)

can you speak to him about the rules that go with a DS and that he needs to show you how good he will be at finishing up when he goes on the phone?

Joolyjoolyjoo · 04/11/2011 23:01

I have to admit, I was a bit sceptical about dd1 getting a ds for her 7th birthday, mainly because I don't do screen games, and imagined she would be obsessed/ nose in her ds. I also was worried she would lose/ break it, and they cost a lot. We got her a second hand one on gumtree, and it's worked out really well. She loves to play Art Academy, and transfers a lot of the things she gleans from it to paper. She also likes to show us all what she has produced, so no different really from her drawing on paper (which I take it noone has a problem with) She likes brain trainer and plays a few other games, but she doesn't use it every day, so possibly a different personality to the OP's son.

We actually then bought dd2 a second hand one for her 6th birthday. Similarly she uses it sometimes, but not a lot.

And you can "forget" to charge them sometimes...

AitchTwoOh · 04/11/2011 23:03

i wanted a mr frosty too... but then my spoilt pal got one and i was able to discern that they were utter shite.

fatlazymummy · 04/11/2011 23:21

I never had a Mr Frosty either. Or Tiny tears, Barbie or any of the cool toys that other kids had.

AitchTwoOh · 04/11/2011 23:24

no barbie here either. but ballet sindy and tiny tears, oh yes...

usualsuspect · 04/11/2011 23:28

We got the cheap Woolworths version of Mr frosty

it was crap

VioletNotViolent · 04/11/2011 23:52

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VioletNotViolent · 04/11/2011 23:53

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VioletNotViolent · 04/11/2011 23:54

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Bogeymanface · 05/11/2011 00:02

With mine they were totally obsessive for the first month and I let it slide because I had a hunch.....

Now they will have times when they get obsessive about it and will play (usually 3 ways with them linked in) for a couple of hours a day for 2 or three days, then they get bored and dont play them for a couple of weeks. And, as others have said, I have been very careful what games they get. If someone wants to get them a game I ask them to let me choose, and my family have all been fine about that.

(btw, the youngest 2 were 5 and 6 when they got theirs last Xmas and DD was 8. DD1 already had one for a couple of years by then)

shineynewthings · 05/11/2011 00:05

Is it the 3D DS? Because there have been reports that some peole have had headaches after playing them admittedly for long periods of time, but I would not let my child play with it at such a young age for that reason.

Moominsarescary · 05/11/2011 00:06

Ds 2 has had one for a few years now, he is 8 and makes his own comic books on it

VioletNotViolent · 05/11/2011 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeymanface · 05/11/2011 00:10

Shiney, the 3DS is not suitable for under 7's I think, but you are right, it isnt worth the risk. If you watch the ads, there are so many disclaimers and warnings that I am amazed anyone buys them!

simpson · 05/11/2011 00:11

I am getting DS (also 6) one for Christmas this year.

I have got him a second hand one though. TBH he is only really interested in playing games like chess, checkers etc so have got him a game which has these (and others on it)

I am hoping it will be a big bargaining tool to get him to do his homework

ouryve · 05/11/2011 00:12

Fayrazzled - take this from the mum of a boy who really knows how to tantrum. BIG time.

If he doesn't follow the rules one day and can't be calm about putting it away, he doesn't get it again, that day, and probably not the next. If he loves it that much, he will soon learn to take a few deep breaths. You might go through a phase of having to sit and take deep breaths and go to your happy place, but sometimes that's the only way you can deal with a child who has huge tantrums. You don't have to lay the law down in a negative way, but if you present it as choices where he has control, he's more likely to realise that his behaviour affects whether or not he gets to use his favourite toy.

Bogeymanface · 05/11/2011 00:13

DReam on Simpson :o

I got second hand ones too, they are a steal now since the 3DS came out. The second hand price as really fallen. I got ours from Gamestation and they were more expensive than ebay but you can see them and check they work etc. Made the ebay mistake once, got my money back but it wasnt worth the hassled.

Bogeymanface · 05/11/2011 00:14

"HAS fallen"

"wasnt worth the hassle"

simpson · 05/11/2011 00:17

Bogeymanface - thats where I got mine too Grin

Although I bought the game from amazon.

Now should I start another thread titled "AIBU to play with my sons's DS (christmas present) every night, before he has even seen it??" Blush Blush

myBOYSareBONKERS · 05/11/2011 08:30

Both my boys have a DS. The older one - aged 8 - plays on his loads and then doesn't pick it up for ages! He too has obsessions (think ASD as that it the diagnosis we are looking at) but rules are in place. He does strop at times but if it wasn't this he was stropping over, it would be what ever it is I wanted him to stop doing anyway - so in this case the argument isn't over stopping him playing his DS it is stopping him doing anything (eg TV, reading etc)

I have also learnt over the years that even if I want my children to be interested in stuff i.e lego if they don't want to be they certainly wont be forced into it - no matter how much I want them to be.

After-all we all have our own interests and that's the same for children.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 05/11/2011 08:31

I got a second-hand DS for my younger son from gamestation. Perfect condition. Recommend the warranty as we have used ours already (clumsy biys!!)

myBOYSareBONKERS · 05/11/2011 08:36

clumsy boys!!

plupervert · 05/11/2011 09:43

Still, all of this is the equivalent of asseting that the "plural of anecdotes is 'data' ", isn't it? And there are always exceptions to general rules.

Fayrazzled, don't worry about all the people for whom it has worked out; if those experiences don't seem to speak to you and if you don't want to add that extra hassle to your and your son's relationship (and that's a reasonable thing to wish for). It sounds as though the issue for you is actually Father Christmas favouritism or the inequalities of life, and that is probably longer-term than any desire for one year's desired present. Have you started on the "not everyone has the same rules at home", "not everyone has the same amount of money", "if all your friends were jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it, too?" yet?

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