parents who tell their children about Santa are liars. AIBU to find this statement a bit harsh?

[Branno]

A woman at school said that she could not look her children in the eye if she told them about Santa and encouraged the myth. Parents who do are liars according to her. I asked her if she did not think it was a bit harsh (the liar bit) and she said no, because they are.
So, AIBU to find that statement a bit hash?

yanbu
yes it isn't true, but it it is supposed to be fun

No Santa? (sniff)

my parents are not at all sentimental and they laid it on very thick from when i was tiny that FC isn't real and that they had to work hard for the money to pay for the presents etc. i understand they were trying to instill their values, but as an adult now with my own children I think it's a bit sad not to do a bit of lighthearted father christmas stuff with your kids. mine leave out food and a drink for FC, have a stocking etc, and even 10 yr old ds1 plays along with it, not because he still believes obviously, but because it's become a fun tradition in our house. so yes i think it's harsh.

Waits for thread to kick off ,like last years

I suppose it's factual

Wouldn't bother me, the Santa story is merely one of a long list of lies I cheerfully rattle out to small children.

I'm watching the 4yo with my 'back eyes' as we speak.

It's good, gentle preparation for schools telling kids about god

We have the big presents coming from us and the stockings from Santa - stops them asking Santa to bring them loads of outrageous presents (he has to buy for the whole world after all) and they also get to appreciate that we have to fork out for the presents. I agree, it is harsh - I wonder whether she is completely honest with her children about everything - I would imagine not. It's about allowing a little magic, in my view, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Nothing wrong with children believing in things like Santa and the tooth fairy. They soon learn the truth for themselves but no reason not to let them enjoy the magic while young enough

Yes, bit harsh to call people liars for doing santa. I mean they are liars, technically - you are, actually, telling an untruth. You're not just pretending, playing along, or acting. You're trying to convince someone that something that you know to be untrue, is true. That's lying, isn't it?

But yes, a bit harsh to go around saying so.

[someone's going to complain about the thread title in a minute, cos their 3yo can read over their shoulder and is now crying over loss of Santa myth]

Strictly speaking she's right of course but she didn't need to have said it. My parents never told us that FC delivered presents as they think the same way that lady does. My dad did however dress up in my mum's red duffel coat and stick cotton wool in his beard when he dropped the stockings at the end of the bed. We don't tell our DC about FC but I don't feel it detracts from their Christmas experience, you can't really escape him and I like the character, I just don't see the point in encouraging it. That's just my opinion though and I wouldn't bother trying to convert anyone else!

Oh well, one of the many white lies that i tell my children like, 'no it's not chocolate, it's awful, horrible medicine that I have to eat.'

oh and YANBU

I find it odd that parents tell their children this story as though it's fact. Not saying it's wrong - I know it's harmless fun and it doesn't make them liars in a serious way! Just that my parents never did, they told us it as a story and it never occurred to me that I was supposed to believe it any more than any other story. I was absolutely incredulous when I realised other kids at school believed it!

My parents did tell us all the God stuff as absolute fact, however! I suppose that's different though as they genuinely believed it themselves.

Does this woman think she's lying every time she reads her child The Gruffalo?

Does she pipe up with "these are all LIES!" in the middle of the cinema?

She sounds a right barrel of laughs.

FC isn't real??????????

Father Christmas does exist though (Santa ).

Whilst children continue to put out sacks and stocking before going to bed and come excitedly downstairs in the morning to find them filled with gifts, Father Christmas (or the spirit of him) is real.

I suppose it depends what you tell your children though. Ours know that we buy the presents and then leave them out for the elves to collect and they hide them for us. Father Christmas is just the delivery service. Although he does get a couple of small stocking fillers himself.

I remember being bitterly disappointed to find out that Mallory Towers was not a real place though

A bit?... YANBU I think the woman you spoke to must be a total killjoy with no sense of fun if she can't keep up as benign a pretence as Father Christmas. I wonder... does she sit there at the cinema saying out loud 'IT'S NOT REAL YOU KNOW. IT'S JUST ACTORS'?

I'm Jewish, so I grew up without Father Christmas IYSWIM. I found it difficult to believe that other children believed in him - it sounded scary, and I was quite glad not to have to deal with it. I think I only discovered about other kids' beliefs at about the time they were working out the truth, so I was never in a position where I might spoil it for them.

So I grew up, and married a non-Jew. He wanted to do stockings for the dc. I felt very uncomfortable. It felt like i would be telling my dc lies, and I don't like the idea of presents coming from nowhere and needing no thanks or acknowledgement. But then I realised that I would do the tooth fairy thing, so how would the FC thing be any different? And in any case, it was important to dh, his tradition, and one loaded with happy memories that he wanted to create for his dc.

So we compromised. We do stockings, and leave out mince pies and a drink, but we never threaten that FC comes only to good children. Also we point out to the dc that they get two lots of gifts: presents under the tree, that are from mummy and daddy and gran and grandad etc, as well as the little gifts that the Christmas fairy brings to all children, but that there are many children get no tree presents because, sadly, they have no parents to give them presents, or they are too poor to buy presents. So on Xmas Eve, when the dc hang up their stockings, they each choose a toy of their own to put in the stocking, together with a bag of homemade mince pies, for FC to take away with him and give to a child who hasn't got any tree presents.

It works for us. Dh and the dc have their happy tradition, my conscience us salved, and the dc get a chance to learn and practice a bit of altruism.

I think her thing is that she will tell them the story but let them know it is only a story. Her children get fantasy from the universe, the stars etc. For example she would explain to them that magic does not exist and show them the trick. Sometimes it is a bit tedious, conversations stop while she explains to the five year old that a fluffy cloud is not something you can sit on but in fact water..... you get the idea.
I just find the liar idea harsh and that somehow she is more true to her children than everyone else.

Well if this woman always tells her children the absolute truth about everything from any age then I applaud her. I very seriously doubt she does. If its not a 'lie' about Santa, it will be about something else. She is coming across very smug TBH, as if she's perfect. Totally ridiculous.

I think I would tell the story, and if they believe it they believe it (surely no need to reinforce to them that it's ONLY A STORY - unless you do that with every story you tell!). Once they start to figure it out for themselves though I don't see the need to go to elaborate lengths to maintain the deception.

Even if you do though, it's a game, it's not 'lying' really! The friend does sound a bit smug and annoying.

One could argue the St Nicholas did exist and the story is a true one.

One might omit to mention he is also the patron saint of prostitutes!!!

Hee hee, said, I did think that myself when I read the OP