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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

parents who tell their children about Santa are liars. AIBU to find this statement a bit harsh?

126 replies

Branno · 04/11/2011 17:53

A woman at school said that she could not look her children in the eye if she told them about Santa and encouraged the myth. Parents who do are liars according to her. I asked her if she did not think it was a bit harsh (the liar bit) and she said no, because they are.
So, AIBU to find that statement a bit hash?

OP posts:

duckdodgers · 05/11/2011 10:25

We will just need to agree to disagree then little miss - I see it as magic believing in Santa, and has created a lot of extra special memories over the last 18 years with my boys - you however detest Christmas. Each to their own.

As for "children making up their own minds" - plenty of other opportunities in life and time for that as they grow

edam · 05/11/2011 13:14

hittheroadjack - if you can't conceive of the difference between myth/legend/make believe that is done for the purpose of having fun and a 'lie' (like Iraq having methods of mass destruction) then I'm afraid you are suffering from a limited understanding of human nature. People have always told stories - it's how human beings understand the world and hand that understanding on to children. The same archetypal fairy stories occur across very different cultures - a form of Cinderella is told by parents from China to Croydon and has been for as long as human beings have been able to record stories.

Chulita · 05/11/2011 13:19

exoticfruits "loved enough for parents to make them special and Christmas magical" wtf?
I love Christmas, absolutely love it but I'm not going to lie to my children about Santa. It was still magical/sparkly/fun when I was little even though my horrid parents refused to tell us Santa was real and gave us presents.
What's the point of having principles if you bend them every now and then to create 'magic'?
HitTheRoadJack has hit the nail on the head, it is a lie, it is an untruth.
I have no issue with people telling their children the moon is made of cheese or the CocaCola Christmas adverts are real, I don't think it means they love their children more or are worse parents for lying, I personally have chosen not to.
But tbh, it's really not that important in the grand scheme of things.

exoticfruits · 05/11/2011 13:39

As a child I was forced to pretend I believed in Santa by one parent so as not to upset the other

As I said-a poor family relationships in the first place. Being piggy in the middle would put you off.
I agree that it isn't that important in the grand scheme of things-aslong as you tell your DCs that other people think differently and they should keep quiet.

It isn't a lie to me, I believe very firmly in the magic of father Christmas. I have my wonderful memories that no one can take away so I am grateful that my parents were not miserable people who had to stick to the 'truth as they saw it'.

LittleMissFlustered · 05/11/2011 13:42

duck 'I see' were the important words in your post. You do, I don't. Nothing wrong with the disparity in views, the only thing that would be wrong would be the assumption that either of our views is better than the other. That's the main problem with this whole thing:) I don't expect people to follow the same thought processes as I do. I hope they had the decency to not expect me to follow theirs:)

exoticfruits · 05/11/2011 13:46

I think both sides should be free to do their own thing and not think it better-it is only better for them. No one has ever asked my opinion before MN. Maybe it was better before you had the internet and you could be happy not knowing what others did.

Hulababy · 05/11/2011 13:48

I have yet to meet any adult in real life who has been harmed in any form from believing in Father Christmas as a child.

I can understand that if relatinships within a family are already strained then the FC thing may be built up as one such issue - perhaps.

But tbh I know so many people who are perfectly happy having found out at some point the truth behind FC, and none have ever felt their parents were wrong or lying to them.

I can't believe there are any parents out there who have never ever told their child a lie - even if a tiny small one. Most of us do it most weeks - "Oh, it won't hurt" "it'll do you good" "it's goof for you" etc.

Fine - if you don't want to do the FC thing for whatever reason - but to say that those who do are omehow doing wrong byt he children - well, nonsense!

DD is 9y. i don't think she really believes tbh but she will play along. She likes the magic and the idea of it all. But over the last 2 or 3 years she had asked questions or made comments that makes me realise she has worked it out. I have never told her he isn't real, but I tell her "what do you think?" and she is happy with that.

I was nearly 10y when my sister was born. As a teen I knew the truth but I always played along, and really enjoyed doing so, for the benfit of my little sister. I never once thought of spoiling it for her.

A bit of pretence and magic is not a bad thing in life! I thinl we all could do with some of it sometimes no matter what age we are.

Animation · 05/11/2011 13:53

Using the term LIARS - is very derogatory. No need for it.

working9while5 · 05/11/2011 13:53

I asked my father if Santa was real when I was five. He told me the truth. I was devastated and my mother was furious.

He did it because he couldn't tell me a lie, apparently. Shame he spent years lying about keeping a mistress but couldn't let me have a few years of innocent childhood fun, eh?

hayleysd · 05/11/2011 13:53

My 6 year old understands that we pay for some presents as we say santa doesnt have enough time/money to make them all but he asks for a few small special bits from Santa. Yanbu.

Thumbwitch · 05/11/2011 13:59

Bloody bunch of miserable ol' Oliver Cromwell types!

Yes, let's just ruin everything that's fun and imaginative by reducing it down to bare facts. What joy! What thrilling and factual lives you must lead, with no imagination, no fantasy, no make-believe. Bad enough for you - but to inflict it on your DC too? Unfair.

Trills · 05/11/2011 14:02

YANBU to find it harsh.

Technically it's true, you are telling an untruth, but it's well-meant.

LittleMissFlustered · 05/11/2011 14:04

I don't prevent the kids from believing. I just didn't start the ball rolling and I'll not help power it's progress either. I'm not perfect, far from it. I just prefer to concentrate on having fun in other ways:) For now they choose to believe, and thus assume that their stocking is delivered by a guy in an ill fitting red jacket as opposed to thrown on their beds by me at four in the morning on Christmas day:)

Trills · 05/11/2011 14:05

I have yet to meet any adult in real life who has been harmed in any form from believing in Father Christmas as a child.

Have you met anyone who has been harmed from not believing in Father Christmas?

Just asking.

Trills · 05/11/2011 14:07

I think you are all now being harsh to the OP's friend.

She is not hurting her child by saying, "this is a story people like to tell at Christmas" rather than "this is a thing that actually happens" (especially seeing as it isn't a thing that actually happens).

I'm sure her child will have a perfectly nice Christmas.

Hulababy · 05/11/2011 14:08

Trills - don't know anyone in rl who grew up not believing in FC, unless they were of another religion/culture which didn't celebrate Christmas.

duckdodgers · 05/11/2011 14:09

Yes exactly littlemiss which is why I said each to their own.

chulita I dont think anyone is saying Christmas isnt magical or fun as a child when you dont believe in Santa but I feel believing in Santa is just another (very important) extra magical part for me and my children.

From little family rituals to leaving out milk and a biscuit for him, a carrot for Rudolph and the pure unadultered excitement and shouting "Santas been" when they run in to see me on Christmas morning (aided by magic dust for his footprints in the hall) - it just adds up to loads of extra special family memories for me.

Trills · 05/11/2011 14:15

I didn't ever believe in Father Christmas. Not if "believe" means "actually think that an actual physical fat man in a red suit actually came down our chimney".

Or maybe I did when I was very small, but not at any time that I can remember.

I must remember to ask my mum if she thought I did believe it.

teacoupons · 05/11/2011 14:25

YABU but ANBU too.

People who teach their children are liars. We lie to our children to give them something magical at Christmas. I thought when I was younger that I'd not lie to my DC's but to see DD1's face light up around Santa, elves and snow is too much. I lie to her because it makes us both happy.

I suppose you could say exaggerating the truth or playing on fiction but at the end, it's still a lie. I'm quite happy to be a liar :o.

Chulita · 05/11/2011 15:25

That's the thing, I have no problem with people telling their children what they want wrt myths and stories. All I was really saying is that technically, if you say that Santa is real, you're telling an untruth, otherwise known as a lie, people who lie are liars.

But it's harsh to go around calling people liars, especially over something like this. I don't talk about Santa like he's real, and I wasn't brought up believing he was real but I still have little Santas around the house, I get a fuzzy feeling when I watch those jingly adverts for Cola, I like the whole idea of Santa and the elves, it's very sweet and all adds to Christmas. If either of mine ask if he's real I'll tell them he isn't but that some people like to think he is so don't go telling everyone at school.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/11/2011 15:38

I loved the whole Santa 'lie' when I was a child, and when ds was little, it brought that whole magic of Christmas back, seeing him believe.
Some people are such miseries.

duckdodgers · 05/11/2011 15:38

chulita - its now your fault I am impatiently waiting for the first coca cola advert to come on TV

80sMum · 05/11/2011 15:48

We did the whole Father Christmas thing; put out carrots, sherry, mince pies etc; put up stockings - but I never led my DCs to believe that FC was 'real'. In our house, he was simply a fun story, like any other story we told our children. Just because something is a fantasy, doesn't mean it isn't fun and exciting for children. Children love playing 'pretend' games and using their imagination.

exoticfruits · 05/11/2011 16:07

Children love playing 'pretend' games and using their imagination.

At least they understand it. Probably the parent who won't 'lie' can't accept an imaginary friend and has to be brutally honest and say 'there is no one there' or can't drink pretend cups of tea.

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 05/11/2011 16:14

"One could argue the St Nicholas did exist and the story is a true one."
you could, but he didn't sneak into houses at night.

Father Christmas has always struck me as odd, I think I would've been upset as a child had I thought he was real and sneaking into my home in the dark. I'd have a hard time lying about it to DD, but then again I'm also quite happy to tell her that clouds are made of water vapour and that a rainbow is light.

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