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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be completely shocked and disgusted at the leaflet I've just been given by my mw???

999 replies

mummylovesnancy · 04/11/2011 08:32

This leaflet, titled 'Raised BMI in Pregnancy' was passed on to me by my midwife at my booking in appointment yesterday. Along with the words 'You can't have a home birth, you probably won't deliver naturally and you'll be given consultant led care.'
I'm 28, I have 2 PERFECTLY healthy children who both have perfect height to weight ratios, eat well, are active and are generally normal children. I weigh 13st and I'm 5'2 which puts me in the 'obese' catagory according to the good ol' BMI index of wonder. I have been roughly this weight and exactly this height for all of my adult life. I am overweight, I accept that, but what I don't accept is being told to read this sodding leaflet which tells me, among various other little pearlers, that:
*I will have raised blood pressure. (Not 'I may', 'I WILL')
*I will be prone to urinary tract infections. (never had one in my life!)
*'Bigger Ladies' (exact wordage) get more blood clots. (Dumb Fuck)
*Examinations will be difficult. (Why? Because you have to part all my layers of fat to get to my vag?! How fucking degrading)
*I will have restricted mobilisation. (Will I? Because I don't now, will it automatically come with being fat and preggers?)
*Putting in a drip will be difficult. (yeah because my hands are so freaking chubby.)
*Breastfeeding will be challenging (I've managed it with two babies, now because you've changed your guidelines I think I might struggle.)
And my favourite one yet:
*The risk of stillbirth or your baby dying in the first 28 days is increased in 'larger ladies' (Thanks for that one, nhs, I just had a misscarriage 8 weeks ago. Was it because I'm fat?)

It also mentions on about 7 occasions that I may want an epidural. Is that to keep me quiet?! It also offers to refer me to a dietician and a counsellor.

I have been overweight (or a larger or bigger lady, as the nhs prefers) and given birth naturally twice with absolutely no complications and one of them was a home birth. I can't believe I have to read all this shit. The idiot who wrote this doesn't even know how to place an apostrophe or comma ffs!

Does anyone agree with me that this is a disgusting, degrading, scare mongering piece of shit or am I being an unreasonable pregnant wreck??

OP posts:
Robotindisguise · 05/11/2011 08:54

No of course dress size isn't a medical term, that wasn't the point I was making.

happydotcom · 05/11/2011 08:55

YANBU - How insensitive. Put it in the recycle bin ( or just burn it / use it as emergency toilet roll).

exoticfruits · 05/11/2011 09:31

I would have thought the first step was to accept it and then get some help to do something about it. Just throwing it away isn't going to help.

OriginalPoster · 05/11/2011 09:41

Exotic

As usual, I agree with you.

I am 5'9, and a 12, 10st 5, if I get to 11st would struggle to fit a 12, certainly at 13st I would consider myself overweight. I have got heavier over the years, but the size 12 has expanded with me....

OP why not rewrite the leaflet in a more acceptable way, and send it to the hospital with a cover letter? That would at least be constructive.

Lookattheears · 05/11/2011 09:41

exoticfruits sadly the OP has said she is quite happy being obese so is highly unlikely to do anything about it.

The NHs will simply have to pick up the tab for the extra scans and input obese pregnant women require.

Yunno, years ago no ordinary people were fat or obese. They didn't have enough to eat to get fat so they didn't, simple. Now, it's a growing epidemic and most people excuse their obesity by saying they are fit and healthy ( denial - you won't be) or that they have complex ishoos surrounding their obesity ( so deal with them - denial).
The NHS is creaking at the seams and spending money on obesity related illness takes money from other areas. Most slim people over a certain age work bloody hard at staying that way, it doesn't come easily. Nothing worthwhile in life is easy but for some even watching what they eat and walking occasionally is clearly too much of an effort.

LittleMissFlustered · 05/11/2011 10:14

Look And you seriously think that every obese person in the world is ignoring their issues? I am sure my psychiatrist, my therapist and my doctor would look you in the eye, laugh at you and tell you to chuff off if you spouted that. More to the point, they'd say that of the 'issues' I have, my weight is so far down the list of stuff that needs dealing with that it is of practically no relevance at all to day to day life.

Attitudes like yours cause more problems than they solve. Speaking to people instead of pontificating is a good start. Treating them like capable and intelligent adults is another way to make an impression. Assuming that anybody with a BMI over 30 is therefore 'stupid' is a sure fire way to alert them to the stupidity of the person doing the assuming.

banana87 · 05/11/2011 10:26

I saw a programme on tv the other night about a morbidly obese woman a d her obese daughter. The woman went in about how she liked her "curves", didn't want to be "skinny", had been offered and rejected gastric bypass because she was happy being fat. I suspect that some people are happy being obese and don't have the surrounding denial/other problems issue.

hairylights · 05/11/2011 10:30

I hate it when people say "curvy" "big boned" etc when they are actually obese. It's a classic denial phrase.

exoticfruits · 05/11/2011 10:33

I think it is treating them like a capable and intelligent adult to tell them that 13stone isn't healthy for a woman of 5ft 2ins.

If they have DCs they need to address it. There is a whole thread about how often your DCs have sweets and crisps and I have the distinct impression that there are many overweight mothers who 'police' their DCs diet but can't control their own. You need to be doing the same as your DCs otherwise it is pointless, they do as you do and not as you say (or impose). You must be eating too big a portions, lots of snacks and lotsof processed food, or all 3 to get and stay overweight.
It isn't healthy because the obese person couldn't run to the end of their road without stopping. If you couldn't control your eating you could start with taking exercise. (unless disabled).

thunderboltsandlightning · 05/11/2011 10:42

Why are people so obsessed with large people who are supposedly "in denial"?

You don't get long threads with people talking in generalisations about people who drink too much who are "in denial", despite the fact that alcohol related disease puts an enormous strain on the NHS. There's no moral outrage about them.

Similarly anorexics or bulimics, they don't provoke the same moral outrage. There's something about fatness, especially in women that really sets people off.

thunderboltsandlightning · 05/11/2011 10:46

"I have the distinct impression that there are many overweight mothers who 'police' their DCs diet but can't control their own"

I mean seriously, what on earth? Do you have the same issues with people who smoke, drink too much, don't take exercise or stick their fingers down their throat after they've eaten so they won't put on weight.

Or is this sort of disapproval easier when people are visibly outside the accepted norm, making them an easy target?

No wonder some large people have issues about the way they are, when this is the way people feel free to talk about them. And no wonder some others just stick two fingers up at it all.

exoticfruits · 05/11/2011 10:48

So you are quite happy for your DCs to be obese then thunderbolts? Or do you try and keep them healthy but give the message 'when you are are an adult you can eat what you like and not exercise and be quite happy obese'? In which case why bother trying to bring them up healthily? I want my DCs to be fit, active and healthy adults-it won't work unless they see me doing it.We eat healthily as a family and we exercise as a family. If I impose it and do something different myself it will fail.

quietlyafraid · 05/11/2011 10:50

If you are obese and have kids it is an issue if you are in denial. I know this is politically incorrect to say, but you can not be teaching your kids good eating habits and your portion sizes can not be very good. You need to change your habits because it has a direct influence on your children, their health and how likely they are to become obese later in life. Its not about being 'fattist' I actually would say exactly the same about an anorexic mother. I'm pretty sure there are studies showing that both groups having a higher rate of obesity/anorexia in their children. Its a health issue which has wider implications that simply being the choice of the woman...

exoticfruits · 05/11/2011 10:51

I mean seriously, what on earth? Do you have the same issues with people who smoke, drink too much, don't take exercise or stick their fingers down their throat after they've eaten so they won't put on weight

YES.
Or I do if they expect their DC to be different.

thunderboltsandlightning · 05/11/2011 10:56

Let's see the threads where you go on about alcoholics or anorexics being in denial then exoticfruits.

Also the "so you are happy for your DCs to be obese?" is a false dichotomy and a ridiculous leap of logic. You don't have to have some kind of weird fat hatred, to want to have family who eat well and healthily and get plenty of exercise. Because that is what is important, not how large someone is, which is the most superficial and inaccurate way of measuring health. Focussing on size leads to unhealthy attitudes to food and very bad food habits (e.g. dieters who survive on cereal and drink water to hide their thirst). It can trap people in the dieting cycle for years, sometimes the whole of their lives.

quietlyafraid · 05/11/2011 10:58

Oh and if you have a mother who gets drunk off her tits on a regular basis, she is in danger of her kids been taken off her by social services. I think there is a pretty big moral panic over that one...

... not to mention what percentage of the population are anorexics (and lets not forget they have problems conceiving in the first place).

sigh not entirely sure what you are trying to argue on this.

thunderboltsandlightning · 05/11/2011 10:59

And yes this is connected to the OP, because that leaflet doesn't talk about nutrition and health, it talks about weight. What if a woman reads that and decides to go off on some dangerous calorie controlled weight loss diet after reading it? That's the danger and it's a real one.

People need to get their fat hatred under control becuase it's helping no-one.

thunderboltsandlightning · 05/11/2011 11:00

Show me the threads then quietlyafraid. I'm not talking about one mother, I'm talking about threads full of condemnation of people (not just women) who drink and who are supposedly "in denial" about it.

fatlazymummy · 05/11/2011 11:15

thunderbolts drinking is a health issue though, in the same way as obesity is. Both issues need to be dealt with. I agree there is no place for hatred or condemnation but they do need to be tackled. Both have implications, for the NHS and for children.
I'm afraid there is also a lot of denial about drinking as well, something I have noticed on this forum. It seems to be part of British culture ,but people only see outright alcoholism as a health problem, and anything short of that is seen as a joke or just having a good time.

thunderboltsandlightning · 05/11/2011 11:19

Erm I didn't say it wasn't.

I'm talking about how these issues are dealt with. Irrational fat hatred helps no-one.

CoteDAzur · 05/11/2011 11:23

"people bigger than a UK 14/16 think, well, fuck it then"

Depends on the person. Many receive it as a wake-up call.

quietlyafraid · 05/11/2011 11:24

Oh so you are only going to accept this if I show you threads? Good grief. Talk about being pathetic. Doesn't mean there isn't a moral outrage...

Imagine someone started a thread and said "AIBU to be annoyed at my doctor telling me that I can't drink a full bottle of wine on a Friday whilst I'm pregnant. I did it throughout my first two pregnancies and I've done it all my adult life and both my kids are fine"

What do you honestly think the response would be?

TheQueenOfDeDead · 05/11/2011 11:27

Thunderbolts there have been hundreds of threads on MN involving condemnation of alcohol use (and I wont even start on the threads about smoking in front of DC's = child abuse)

Woman who post on here about drinking whilst their DC's are in bed/getting tipsy at lunchtime whilst on holiday /enjoying a glass of wine or three after work are all regularly told that they are in denial about their dinking habits.

Obesity is certainly not singled out.

fatlazymummy · 05/11/2011 11:30

thunder I'm sorry but I'm not really seeing the 'irrational fat hatred' that you mention. It's not something I've really noticed, and I was obese up till a few weeks ago.

TheQueenOfDeDead · 05/11/2011 11:31

Declaring people who don't accept that fat does or can = healthy "fat haters" really doesn't help either.

I will say it again it is absurd to suggest that all things being equal someone who is 5' 2" and 13 stone would not be healthier if they weighed significantly less. Arguing against this just makes you (in the general sense) look irrational.