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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have had a go at this kid?

130 replies

Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 19:24

I was walking into the shop earlier when a lad of about 9, still in his primary school uniform, was shouting something through the door to his sister. Then he turned and spat and it went on me.

I dont think he intended to spit at me and as soon as he did it he said sorry. It took me a second to realise what had happened but then I said "FGS!! That is absolutely disgusting! Do you realise that I need to get changed and wash these clothes now, because of YOUR digusting habit of spitting?! Do your parents allow you to spit?" "(a very shamefaced) No" "And what the hell do you think they would say if they knew you had just gobbed all over a stranger in the street?" "Dunno" "I think you do know! I think you'd be in big trouble wouldnt you?!" "mumbled Yes" "So pack it in, its revolting and you should be ashamed of yourself"

I didnt swear, I didnt shout, although I was bloody angry. And a woman in the shop said "Oh you shouldnt have had a go at him, he didnt mean to spit on you" I said that if he hadnt been spitting in the first place then it wouldnt have happened at all.

WIBU?

OP posts:

Moominsarescary · 04/11/2011 07:03

Why would you let your children spit on each other? Spitting on another person isn't a game it's humiliating.

BatmanLovesRobin · 04/11/2011 07:18

If it were my child you were telling off OP, I'd be right behind you. Spitting is wrong, and disgusting (and incidentally how a lot of serious illnesses were spread during the Middle Ages when spitting on to the floor was commonplace).

Moominsarescary · 04/11/2011 07:35

Its also something abusive exp do to humiliate you, they also get their whole families to do the same to you when they bump into you in public

tryingtoleave · 04/11/2011 07:40

There is not much actual saliva involved. But if they are both giggling and happy I am happy. They also like squashing each other, pretending to be ducks and chasing each other around.

Do no other families do zurbits?

Hope no one's planning a trip to China...

tryingtoleave · 04/11/2011 07:40

What do you mean by exp?

tryingtoleave · 04/11/2011 07:44

If you mean your ex partner's family were spitting on you to humiliate you in public then yes that is vile, I can understand why you don't like spitting, but I have never come across that kind of behaviour and it is totally different to my children being silly together.

SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 04/11/2011 08:00

Round of applause to Bogeymanface!

Spitting in vile disgusting and still spreads diseases (Multidrug resistant TB is on the rise and spitting is one of the ways it is spread)
It was a half assed apology, I wouldn?t have accepted it either as for calling what you did abuse FFS.

Re: footballers who spit EVERTONE single one of them should be red carded and fined.

I know from living with a runner that with strenuous exercise you can get a mucosal build up in the back of your throat, but they do it as they?re walking off pitch etc when they could do it off camera.
gross

JamieComeHome · 04/11/2011 22:05

I agree about footballers.

And other grown men round here who spit. Vile.

Proudnscary · 04/11/2011 22:12

This is my worse type of AIBU: fabricated/exaggerated/embellished scenario, call to arms/rouse everyone into a lather over made up scenario

NunOnTheRun · 04/11/2011 22:15

You were not unreasonable in the slightest. I can't believe someone stuck up for this kid

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 04/11/2011 22:20

Proud. None of the above. I am not a liar and how dare you suggest that I am?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 04/11/2011 22:21

Submitted too soon.

Do you have evidence to the contrary? Were you actually the woman in the shop? If you were then feel free to post your version of events. If not then, ........... when you get there............ some more.

OP posts:

Swankyswishing · 04/11/2011 22:28

The same thing has happened to me recently, only it was a boy of 13 or 14. He shrugged it off and so I had a real go at him, and told him what a filthy, disgusting habit it was. His mum was there too and she made him apologise. Spitting is a vile, disgusting habit.

Hoopsadazy · 04/11/2011 22:33

I love the "No! Bad Human" phrase. We should employ this en masse across the country.

I am also tickled by the idea of a woman going onto a big important football match and rubbing noses of footballer's into their spit and saying "No! Bad Human" - a football match I'd actually watch :) Mind you, "No! Bad Human!" can prob describe a lot of their behaviour, so they may be confused.

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 04/11/2011 22:39

Ashley Cole having his faced rubbed into a tart wouldnt work would it?! :o

OP posts:

Hoopsadazy · 04/11/2011 22:48

I can't believe people actually think that it is not other people's job to tell your kids off.............really? Crikey, then the world has come to an end.

If the parent/guardian is not there to do it and the kids're misbehaving, then what.....just let them? Jeez. Are these the same people that flout the highway code and glare when you beep them cos they think that no one else should tell them how to stick to society's agreed behaviour?

SkinnyWhiteBoy · 04/11/2011 22:54

YABU
He didn't do it to spite you, he apologised.
Did you really need to lay into him so much?
Did you need to give him the impression that there's something so repulsive about his body and the fluids that come out of it that he needs to be told off like that?
I've had people spit on me on purpose and by accident, and it means nothing. It is an action with next to no consequence. Your mouth is full of saliva, and your sinus is full of mucus. It's really totally normal stuff.
You have an idea that there's something wrong with things coming out of peoples bodies. That's your idea, and it's your problem. Try not to make it anyone else's.

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 04/11/2011 22:58

The problem is Hoops, as DH pointed out to me when I told him, if you do say something to a child and the parent is infact there but you didnt know that, you run the risk of getting the "DOnt you DARE talk to my child like that" no matter what the child did. So the child learns that they can do whatever the hell they like because no one will give them a bollocking. So now we have children who are disrespectful and rude to parents, teachers, policemen etc because they know that there will be no comeback.

So you dont say anything just iincase you end up with a mouthful of abuse. I just reacted as I would have done had it been my own child (well, not true, if it was my own I would have gone into orbit!) and didnt think about whether there was a parent there.

OP posts:

ItsonlymeMrsDB · 04/11/2011 22:59

Ahem, Skinny

Coughs and sneezes spread diseases.

We teach children to put their hands over their mouths/noses/use a tissue when they cough or sneeze.

Yet it's fine by you for anyone to spit ?

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 04/11/2011 23:00

Skinny, .....where to start?!

I will just say that I didnt "lay into him" I told him off. Laying into him (atleast afaiac) would have been shouting and going crackers at him. I didnt do that. I didnt raise my voice or swear or become violent, I simply made it quite clear how unacceptable his actions where.

OP posts:

complexnumber · 04/11/2011 23:12

Maybe a quick twist, followed by a fart in the face would have done the trick.

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 04/11/2011 23:16

I have IBS complex. I would never do that to a kid, no matter what he had done :o

OP posts:

schnitzelvoncrumm · 04/11/2011 23:23

OP, if it had been my child they'd have had the bollocking in stereo, with me saying the same thing in the other ear. YANBU

SkinnyWhiteBoy · 04/11/2011 23:27

ItsonlymeMrsDB:
Yes, it's fine by me for anyone to spit. Out of manners, it's better to not spit on someone else, and the kid clearly recognised that, because he apologised straight up. In the world I live in spitting is ok, as are burping, farting, coughing, sneezing, peeing, pooing, vomiting and anything else. Probably best not to do them directly on to another person, unless they've indicated a preference for it, but beyond that, none of them are worthy of any sort of comment, really.
Bogeymanface - I'm, um, a lot more laid back then most people. To me, saying it once and having an apology from him would be enough. Any more than that, and all you're doing, IMHO, is making him feel small. I never needed to be told anything more than once as a kid (according to my parents), and I was always quick to apologise when I realised I'd done wrong.
If he'd given you a load of mouth back, or not seemed to get that what had happened needed an apology, I might not think you were BU. You canvassed for opinion - mine is that spitting isn't as disgusting as you think it is, given which, your response was unreasonable.
But then I wouldn't (and have not, in similar situations) change my clothes after they'd been spat on. I'd have wiped it off with a tissue if I had one, or my hand if I didn't, and continued on my way. (And, yes, I would have washed my hand at the next convenient opportunity, not licked it or something).

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 04/11/2011 23:31

you're full of it SkinnyWhiteBoy, you know you would've licked it really- OM NOM NOM

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