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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have had a go at this kid?

130 replies

Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 19:24

I was walking into the shop earlier when a lad of about 9, still in his primary school uniform, was shouting something through the door to his sister. Then he turned and spat and it went on me.

I dont think he intended to spit at me and as soon as he did it he said sorry. It took me a second to realise what had happened but then I said "FGS!! That is absolutely disgusting! Do you realise that I need to get changed and wash these clothes now, because of YOUR digusting habit of spitting?! Do your parents allow you to spit?" "(a very shamefaced) No" "And what the hell do you think they would say if they knew you had just gobbed all over a stranger in the street?" "Dunno" "I think you do know! I think you'd be in big trouble wouldnt you?!" "mumbled Yes" "So pack it in, its revolting and you should be ashamed of yourself"

I didnt swear, I didnt shout, although I was bloody angry. And a woman in the shop said "Oh you shouldnt have had a go at him, he didnt mean to spit on you" I said that if he hadnt been spitting in the first place then it wouldnt have happened at all.

WIBU?

OP posts:

my2centsis · 03/11/2011 23:47

even tho everyone seems to think YANBU i think you were definitely being VUR, yes it was disgusting that the little boy spit, but obviously he wasn't ment to get it on u, apologized straight away and then got abused by a stranger, i would never talk to someone elses child that way, and if anyone ever spoke to 1 of my children like that they would have more to worry about then the spit on them!

LineRunnerBonfireMother · 03/11/2011 23:51

Even if he had missed you with his spit, spit on the pavement is not a good metropolitan look.

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 23:53

Abused?! I told him that what he did was disgusting and and made him think about what would have happened had his parents been there. I did NOT abuse him in ANY WAY.

and if anyone ever spoke to 1 of my children like that they would have more to worry about then the spit on them! What exactly do you mean by that?! What would I have to worry about?

Like I said, God forbid anyone tell a child off for bad behaviour that affects that person incase mummy doesnt like it and kicks off. No wonder there are so many children who have no boundaries and no respect.

OP posts:

dramatrauma · 03/11/2011 23:55

If I'd been around to witness you having a go at my child after he'd apologised and admitted being in the wrong, I may not have been too pleased. However, spitting is utterly vile and you've probably cured that kid of spitting for life. So I reckon you've done him a favour.

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 23:57

I should say that had his parents been there, or even if I thought an adult in the vicinity (there werent any) was a parent of his, then I would have accepted the apology, made sure that the parent/s knew about it and left it at that. I would have expected them to deal with it, but I was confident that he wasnt going to go home and tell them what he did, so I felt the point should be made.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 23:58

If I have done him a favour, why wouldnt you be too pleased Drama?

OP posts:

Ripeberry · 04/11/2011 00:02

Spitting is horrible. A little girl I look after who is only 23 months old has developed a habit of spitting at any child who comes too near her, especially if she does not like them.
She gets it off her older brother aparantly.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 04/11/2011 00:08

YANBU. I too detest spitting.

A few years ago we were waiting in a queue for a ride at a funfair. There was a little boy (about 5?6?) in front of me with his little sister. They had a little squabble and he stood behind her and quietly spat into her hood . Before I could think about it, I said "Hey! That is a really disgusting thing to do. How horrible!" Both children said nothing, but whispered to each other and then left the queue. I felt bad, and DH said I was mean But it was a horrible thing to do, and there wasn't an adult with them to call him on it. Still have mixed feelings about it, tbh- felt bad that they left the queue, but I didn't tell him off, or try to make him apologise, so I don't think I was that mean, was I?

dramatrauma · 04/11/2011 00:09

Because in all honesty if I saw my child do something unacceptable, but then apologise, admit fault, and still the adult was going on at him, I'd no doubt feel sorry for him (as the woman in the shop apparently did). But I'd let him get the bollocking, because as I'm always telling mine, apologising does not erase what you did.

Original poster

Bogeymanface · 04/11/2011 00:15

It wasnt a "I am very sorry I did that" it was an "oh, sorry" and then he sort turned away as if he was going walk off. In fact, I think that annoyed me as much as the spitting! Half arsed "not really, just saying it" sorry's really annoy me!

But I see what you mean. I daresay I would get my hackles up if someone gave one of mine a telling off but I think that would be because I would possibly take it as an insult on my parenting! I would let them have the telling off though, and give them another one from me!

OP posts:

dramatrauma · 04/11/2011 00:19

Oh, well, given that I'd give him a bollocking for spitting! No matter what he'd got off you!

JoInScotland · 04/11/2011 00:21

LordoftheFlies I used to cycle to school every day, 4 miles each way. I once was on my way at about 7:30 in the morning when a truck came up alongside me and the passenger spat beer all over me. I then had to cycle several miles to school before I could wash it off, and change into my PE kit t-shirt. Lovely memories, eh?

Spitting will get you in front of the Sheriff court in Scotland, not the District court. Very useful when the criminals want to spit on various people in court, they can just add that to the list of offences.

my2centsis · 04/11/2011 02:24

what i mean by that is if it was my child that you were talking to that way then i would have some not so nice things to say to you!

I think its quite funny how you have asked an AIBU question yet if anyone agrees you were being unreasonable you are getting all pissy about it, why ask the question if you don't want to hear peoples opinions??

You say if his parents had been there you wouldn't have had a go at him and accepted his apology? says alot.

It is not your job or responsibility to be telling someone elses kids off!! who do u think you are? I agree with you that spitting is disgusting in every way but it is not your job to scare someones kid into not doing it anymore. The no boundaries and no respect comment has quite frankly pissed me off, my dd is 3.6 has never spit (that i have seen or been told of) has fantastic manners 9 times out of 10 she will always say please, thank you and excuse me, knows to put her plate on the bench after shes finished etc yes she has an attitude sometimes but name 1 kid that doesn't? I Have never spoken like this on this website before but FGS judgmental rude people like you really get under my skin.

Moominsarescary · 04/11/2011 03:00

If it had been my child that was spitting I'd have told you well done for pulling him up on it.

If as his parent I'd been there I wouldn't have had a go at you about it I'd have been too bloody mortified that my child had been spitting in the first place. I would also have made him apologise again properly

Coconutmummy · 04/11/2011 03:18

Yadnbu, I remember a driver spitting on me accidentally that was 20 years ago, and it still makes me Boak!!!!

Yeugh!!!!, I think I would have overreacted because of previous experience.

Morloth · 04/11/2011 03:28

Well if it was my DS he would have got the bollocking off the OP and after I had finished apologising to her he would have had another off me for good measure.

Fucking hell, I can't believe anyone would think their precious didn't deserve a good telling off.

tryingtoleave · 04/11/2011 04:38

Sounds like a completely OTT rant to me. 'That's disgusting, you shouldn't do that' would have been sufficient. The way you've written out what you said sounds very shouty to me and I don't think FGS or 'what the hell' are appropriate language for talking to children.

nooka · 04/11/2011 04:57

I think it was a great telling off. I would be very angry if I ever caught either of my children spitting, and mortified if they spat on someone accidental or not. How could it possibly not be Bogeymanface's (very apposite names there ) place not to kick up a stink about being spat on?

tryingtoleave · 04/11/2011 05:23

I wonder if she would have told off an adult, or a bigger kid, who was spitting? I still think it sounds like a very aggressive rant and a bit bullying.

Bubbaluv · 04/11/2011 05:24

It is not your job or responsibility to be telling someone elses kids off!! who do u think you are?

Actually I think it is everyone's responsibility to tell of children when the circumstances are appropriate. I would hope someone would give my children a good telling off if they had done this and if I saw the incident and the telling-off I would thank the adult for being a responsible member of society.

OP - YANBU.

Bubbaluv · 04/11/2011 05:27

Sounds like there are a few "oh please don't do that darling" types on here.

I would be FURIOUS if I was spat on by a child and their parent didn't give them an absolute (verbal) bollocking!

Children need to know there are real consequences for bad behaviour.

tryingtoleave · 04/11/2011 05:32

If a 'please don't do that, darling' does the trick then I don't think there is any need for a 'bollocking'. I can't stand it when people go on and on at some poor stranded child who knows they've done the wrong thing. The kid was obviously sheepish and embarrassed at the beginning and that was enough.

I have no problem with other people telling my dcs off. I would have a BIG problem with someone ranting at them. And I think most parents would be the same.

tryingtoleave · 04/11/2011 05:35

And, FWIW, in the midst of this general horror of spitting, if my dd and ds were playing some stupid spitting game at each other, and they were at home and neither were bothered by it, I would leave them to it.

KittyFane · 04/11/2011 06:49

tryingtoleave if my dd and ds were playing some stupid spitting game at each other, and they were at home and neither were bothered by it, I would leave them to it.
Really? Let's hope for your sake they've both got a good aim then.
I'd go mad if I came home to two DC (walls, carpet, furniture) with spit on them.

Morloth · 04/11/2011 06:49

Good I hope he was more sheepish and embarrassed afterwards, probably won't spit in public anymore.

If you tell little kids off then you shouldn't need to tell off teens and adults, that is kinda the thinking in teaching kids how to behave.

Spitting at people is rank and if my two were doing it they would be in trouble. Because they are better than that.

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