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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had a go at this kid?

130 replies

Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 19:24

I was walking into the shop earlier when a lad of about 9, still in his primary school uniform, was shouting something through the door to his sister. Then he turned and spat and it went on me.

I dont think he intended to spit at me and as soon as he did it he said sorry. It took me a second to realise what had happened but then I said "FGS!! That is absolutely disgusting! Do you realise that I need to get changed and wash these clothes now, because of YOUR digusting habit of spitting?! Do your parents allow you to spit?" "(a very shamefaced) No" "And what the hell do you think they would say if they knew you had just gobbed all over a stranger in the street?" "Dunno" "I think you do know! I think you'd be in big trouble wouldnt you?!" "mumbled Yes" "So pack it in, its revolting and you should be ashamed of yourself"

I didnt swear, I didnt shout, although I was bloody angry. And a woman in the shop said "Oh you shouldnt have had a go at him, he didnt mean to spit on you" I said that if he hadnt been spitting in the first place then it wouldnt have happened at all.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Clossaintjacques · 03/11/2011 19:59

YADNBU
I would have done exactly the same and probably pulled him by his ear to his mother or father.

reelingintheyears · 03/11/2011 20:06

Nope,not U at all.

Dirty,filthy habit and i hate it.

Maybe he'll stop and think next time.

youarekidding · 03/11/2011 20:09

YANBU at all.

A friends child (6yo) broke something of mine (cheap vase I'll admit!) at the weekend. She picked it up after being told 3 times not too and she dropped it and it smashed. I told her to leave the kitchen as she hadn't listened to me and broken something of mine (also glass everywhere). My friends reply was she didn't mean to smash it. Clearly! but it smashed because she was misbehaving.

There are plenty of people that will look at an accident as just that but can't/won't look beyond that and see there is sometimes blame and that people need to know when what they have done is not OK.

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 20:31

That would really have pissed me off Youare.

The woman who said that to me was clearly a pensioner of the more elderly variety which surprised me as I would have expected her to be in the "thick ear and drag him home" camp.

It feels sometimes that children can do what the hell they like and no one is allowed to chastise them, which is why they have no respect for parents, teachers, anyone! I suppose I should be grateful his mother wasnt there as I daresay I would have got a mouthful from her!

OP posts:
LordOfTheFlies · 03/11/2011 21:03

A few months ago 2 young 'men' in a car drove past me (I had just crossed the road, the car was waaaay back at the time)
As they went by the passenger opened his window and spat. On me

I didn't have the wherewithall to do anything. Didn't swear or lob my brolley at the car. Wished I had done (but maybe not, there were 2 of them and no-one else about)

So YANBU to want to pulverise the boy.

JamieComeHome · 03/11/2011 21:07

I think it was ok

Even though he apologised, he was apologising for spitting on you, probably not for spitting per se. So it was OK (as long as you weren't intimidating - 9 year olds can still get scared) for you to chastise him

JamieComeHome · 03/11/2011 21:08

Lor- I think YABU for talking about pulverising a 9 year old - not that you were asking

redwineformethanks · 03/11/2011 21:09

I'll be a lone voice standing up for the boy. He apologised straight away and knew hie was in the wrong. I'd say he was punished enough

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 21:11

How exactly was he punished Red?

He did something he shouldnt and said sorry, where is the punishment?
I gave him a bollocking and made him think about what he had done, where is the punishment there?

Its that kind of thing I am thinking of when I say that no one is allowed to chastise children anymore!

OP posts:
Nicdigby · 03/11/2011 21:16

YANBU

JamieComeHome · 03/11/2011 21:17

I'm now worried about you using the term bollocking, even though I agree with you talking to him. I wouldn't bollock someone else's child.

Ephiny · 03/11/2011 21:22

YANBU at all, I hate spitting in public, it's a disgusting habit and seems to be becoming more common.

I think you did the right thing, if children aren't told when they're doing something horrible/anti-social, how are they supposed to learn to behave properly?

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 21:23

YANBU

It's the way things should be - some kids would be much better behaved if they knew that any grown up would tell them off if they were behaving badly... and if they were lucky their parents wouldn't get told, but they might and that woud be A Bad Thing

herbietea · 03/11/2011 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 21:42

I say bollocking to mean telling off. A major bollocking is being shouted at etc! I was just being lazy when I said that :)

I would say it was a stern talking to, iykwim.

OP posts:
alemci · 03/11/2011 21:46

I think it is really horrible to spit. I see so many young people doing it in public particularly boys.

I think it was good that you told him off and hopefully he won't spit in public again. It spreads germs and is absolutely foul. didn't it used to be an offence?

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 21:52

Googled it and it seems, it still is. I cant imagine that anyone gets "done" for it anymore though, which is a shame.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 21:54

Red been thinking a bit more....

how would you have reacted if it had been you? Or it had been your child? Would you have said "Oh it ok, thanks for apologising"/ Truly.

OP posts:
thefirstmrsrochester · 03/11/2011 22:30

Spitting is vile.
I cant imagine any parent condoning it.
The kid wasnt spitting at OP, he was 'gobbing' at his sister(not nice but who knows what the family dynamics are) and he apologised immediately.
Folk speaking of wanting to 'pulverise' the boy????
It is a 9 year old kid I think.
OP, I really think you overreacted.

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 22:32

Ok Mrs R, what should I have done instead if, as you say, what he did was vile?

He wasnt spitting at his sister, he was spitting on the ground and I was in the way. I didnt say I wanted to pulverise him, I gave him a talking to.

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 03/11/2011 22:35

Well done OP. Of course YANBU! What a horrible thing to have happened.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/11/2011 22:42

YABU

That's foul.

thefirstmrsrochester · 03/11/2011 22:45

I do apologise Bogey, i had thought the inention was to spit at the sister.
He spat at the ground. Not nice but you were not his target. And he said sorry.
I would have been unhappy at being the recipient of his 'gob' but i would ave accepted the apology and left it at that.

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 03/11/2011 22:48

Fair enough MrsR, I reacted as I would if one of my children had done that, it was second nature I suppose. I also have been thinking since, that where it hit me would have been right in the face of either my 6 or 7 year old, would you have accepted an apology then?

Not being argumentative, just curious!

OP posts:
thefirstmrsrochester · 03/11/2011 23:11

Bogey, if i thought my dc (youngest is 7) were spitting, I would hit the roof.
As I have said, it is vile.
The kid who spat at you is young and humble enough to apologise.
You were right to have told him you found his spitting objectionable.
And re a smaller child being spat on, not nice, not acceptable
However we should look perhaps at premiership football to see why spitting has become so accepted in the firstbplace.

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