to ask someone to break into my home to scare DDs?

[ThoughtCriminal]

When DH and I went away in the summer for a week we returned (very early morning) to find one of the windows open while teenage DDs age 18 and 19 were in bed asleep. What infuriates me is that anything could have happened to them and they don't seem to care. They told me it was a one-off but I don't believe them.

We are planning to leave them again for a couple of nights over Christmas and I just KNOW they will do it again because many mornings I have come down to find the back door unlocked when one of them has stayed up late.

I said to DH that when we are next away I am going to ask someone to act as a masked intruder to enter the house through the open window to scare them into realising how serious this is. I am prepared to pay them.

DH thinks I'm stark raving bonkers to be thinking of doing this. I don't think he cares as much as I do. AIBU?

How would you feel if your ds discovered said intruder & attacked them?

YABU, but you know that and your AIBU is a cry of despair.

As many have said already, if they won't act like adults then you shouldn't treat them as such. So don't leave them unsupervised. You say your brother is annoying and needs the money, so ask him to move in while you're away "to keep an eye on the children and make sure everything is kept safe".

Sorted.

When I was younger, I was always going out and leaving the back door unlocked. To teach me a lesson, one time I was out Dad went and hid things from downstairs (Video, Tv etc) and pretended that it had been stolen. He then called me home, asking me to explain myself. It only lasted me a few minutes, but I did learn a very valuable lesson and never did that again. I was however younger than your DC, being only 14 at the time.

Would this be a reasonable compromise? Next time they leave the door open and you're up first, remove some items so it looks as though it has been stolen and then wake your children and ask them to explain. The fact that it was you who removed them will show them that things can get taken whilst their asleep and they wouldn't have a clue.

I wouldn't stage an intruder though, too much could go wrong.

I don't think it's a half bad idea. BUT I think the 'intruder' should be someone they know and trust. That way they get the 'shit someone's in the house.... Oh god we left the back door opened'

Followed by 'Girls! You can't just leave the door open, I could be anyone walking in just now!'

YABU. Our house was broken into a few years ago and it really scared the DDs and they didn't even see the burglar.

You are a total loon.

YABVU. I can't believe you even came up with this idea! You've obviously never experienced finding an intruder in your house in the middle of the night.
I have. I heard a noise, went to investigate and found a man in my living room. You can't predict how anyone would react in that scenario - I surprised myself by shouting at him and trying to attack him. He attacked myself and my partner back. Thank God we only had broken bones to show for it afterwards, it could have been so much worse.
I didn't sleep properly for months, kept waking up at the exact time it happened every night (and still do at least once a week), I was having flashbacks, panic attacks, had to take time off work and was diagnosed with PTSD. After five months things were still so bad that we moved out of the area. 2 years on and I'm still not over it.
If I had found out afterwards that somebody I loved and trusted had put me through that then hell would have frozen over before I had anything to do with them again.
I can't believe any loving mother would seriously contemplate putting their child through such an experience just to teach them a lesson. Awful.

"You can't predict how anyone would react in that scenario - I surprised myself by shouting at him and trying to attack him. He attacked myself and my partner back. Thank God we only had broken bones to show for it afterwards, it could have been so much worse. "

I agree with this - I always thought I'd shout/fight etc, but actually just froze, couldn't move/speak/think. The hardest thing to get over for me was just that, that I didn't and couldn't do what I thought I would, I did nothing to defend my home and family, even as they were kicking and punching DP in front of me, when put to the test I was nothing but a weak pathetic coward. It's been over a year and I am still not feeling safe at home, still panic if I hear the slightest sound outside, still think about it every day, still have the feelings of guilt and worthlessness.

Yes we should have had a more secure front door. That doesn't mean it would have been OK for someone to 'arrange' an experience like this to teach us a lesson. You really have no idea.

I think, invite an annoying (and preferably smelly) friend or neighbour to let themselves in, help themselves to tea and coffee, finish off the milk, be downstairs watching the telly when they get up.

Some people on here complain about MILs doing that.

Get a group of your trusted female friends to pop in and remove the TV as an obvious joke.

Look, what is the reason for your screaming overreaction, OP? Do you live somewhere very dangerous, or have you experienced home intrusions before? Because I am a grown up and I leave windows open at night, and don't always lock the back door, because I live in a fairly safe area, my back garden is inaccessible and I refuse to live like a paranoid virgin.

YABU, teenagers don't 'see' danger like adults do but scaring them shitless with a prank won't help imho!