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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask someone to break into my home to scare DDs?

112 replies

ThoughtCriminal · 02/11/2011 21:37

When DH and I went away in the summer for a week we returned (very early morning) to find one of the windows open while teenage DDs age 18 and 19 were in bed asleep. What infuriates me is that anything could have happened to them and they don't seem to care. They told me it was a one-off but I don't believe them.

We are planning to leave them again for a couple of nights over Christmas and I just KNOW they will do it again because many mornings I have come down to find the back door unlocked when one of them has stayed up late.

I said to DH that when we are next away I am going to ask someone to act as a masked intruder to enter the house through the open window to scare them into realising how serious this is. I am prepared to pay them.

DH thinks I'm stark raving bonkers to be thinking of doing this. I don't think he cares as much as I do. AIBU?

OP posts:
flyingspaghettimonster · 02/11/2011 21:58

If you can pay DB to do this, why can't you just pay him to check the security each night?

wasabipeanut · 02/11/2011 21:59

Matthew Wright's going to love this one.

NotaDisneyMum · 02/11/2011 22:01

ThoughtCriminal - easy solution; stop treating your DDs like adults until they behave like adults!

If they can't be trusted with your home, then don't leave it in their care.

I appreciate that may impede on your own social life - but until they demonstrate that they don't need 'parenting' then that must be your priority.

Of course, children who can't be trusted have far fewer privileges than adults who can - I suggest confiscating their house keys and ceasing to support other adult activities (such as driving) may also be necessary in order to teach them the realities of adult life.

Alternatively, you could just risk it and hope that nothing happens - they can learn the lesson the hard way in a few years Wink

Georgimama · 02/11/2011 22:05

Stop treating them like adults??!!!

All they have done is sleep with the window open in summer (and apparently forgotten to lock the back door once). Is that not normal? I sleep with the window open as much of the year as possible - it is closed now for DD's benefit and I miss the fresh air. Should my mother stage an intervention?

LaurieFairyCake · 02/11/2011 22:05

Just don't let them stay there. It's YOUR house.

Let them behave stupidly in their own house. Why should your stuff possibly get stolen by a real thief cos your kids are idiots?

MrsSnow · 02/11/2011 22:08

YA VVVVVV U - What if something goes wrong during the break in and someone ends up getting hurt?

I have to say I agree with NotaDisneyMum if they aren't acting in an adult manner then don't treat them as adults.

Georgimama · 02/11/2011 22:08

They live there don't they? And by what stretch of the imagination is sleeping with a window open stupid?

clare458 · 02/11/2011 22:09

YABU, but I understand your concern for your dd's whilst you are away too! Get them to watch an episode of Crimewatch, I always double check the locks when I've watched it.
I agree with those that have mentioned a house sitter. Also explain to them that it's not only their safety that is a concern but your contents insurance wouldn't be valid if they leave door and windows unlocked.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/11/2011 22:13

Who cares about the window? Going to bed with the back door open is utterly idiotic.

DooinMeCleanin · 02/11/2011 22:15

I agree with DH. I am 30 this year. I occassionally forget to lock windows. It was an accident. Get over it.

100years · 02/11/2011 22:16

OMFG

I never normally post in aibu but had to add to the others at saying no don't do it. I woke once to find an uninvited man in my bedroom, it is one of the worst experiences of my life. Get someone to check on them but not that.

exoticfruits · 02/11/2011 22:17

YABU. We all do it. I have slept with the back door open all night, it scared me afterwards but there was no point in going on about it-it was done.

NotaDisneyMum · 02/11/2011 22:17

Georgimama - if I had an 'adult' living in my home who failed to respect household security, I'd ask them to leave - either the OP DDs are children living with their parents or adults sharing a house; but whichever it is, they are disregarding the homeowners (their parents) request to maintain the level of security that they are comfortable with.

If they dont like the household expectations,move out!

DooinMeCleanin · 02/11/2011 22:19

Our back door didn't lock for the whole of last year. We've had it fixed now. I am that used to not having a lock on it I always forget to lock it. DH despairs of me. He doesn't pay masked intruders to break in because they'd probably be eaten by dogs

eaglewings · 02/11/2011 22:19

I was traveling round OZ on my own at 18.

Tell them the facts having actualy found out how many teenage girls have been attacked in their beds having left a window open in your area, and then let go

ZillionChocolate · 02/11/2011 22:20

"I would just hate for anything to happen while we are away"

...like your daughters being traumatised for life and never wanting to speak to you again?

TheSecondComing · 02/11/2011 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onwardandupwards · 02/11/2011 22:25

Agree with Flyingspaghettimonster pay your DB to check on them or better still pay him to stay there with them!

ChippingInAutumnLover · 02/11/2011 22:26

If that's the worst thing that happens while you're away I wouldn't stress too much. Just tell them as it invalidates the insurace they will have to pay for anything that gets stolen.

MistressFrankly · 02/11/2011 22:26

If you saw them crossing the road with willful disregard of the green cross code would you mow them down with your car as a life lesson? Grin

AnonyMaw · 02/11/2011 22:28

YABU, as I'm sure you know by now. It's fine to sleep with a window open, I don't particularly bother to check all doors are locked at night. Perhaps I'll be more careful now after reading other peoples approaches to security. The only one time I've had my house broken into is while we were all away for a long weekend, and I hadn't got round to arranging curtains and lighting, parking the car etc. in a way that would make the house look lived in. So house was looking empty and dark for 4 days, my mistake.

DownbytheRiverside · 02/11/2011 22:31

Friend of mine was in her shared student house (large Edwardian building)when another resident entered late night apparently terrified and with an armed attacker in pursuit.
Friend met him on the stairs, did her karate thing and then threw him over the banisters and down into the hall reception area. About 20 feet down.
It had been a fantasy role play, lucky he only broke a few bones and not his neck.
OP, your DH is right. You are bonkers and totally without perspective.

Bestb411pm · 02/11/2011 22:39

Grin I understand your frustration, and although an intruder is one way to learn, it would be slightly more sensible, and slightly less dramatic to just get some locks fitted to the windows and doors and take the keys with you when you're away. A couple of days isn't going to inconvenience them.

(I had the delightful experience of some loon waking me up and standing over me with a screw driver a few months back after leaving the back door open for the cats - turns out he was just a piss head who wanted a drink. Have to say the police were excellent although I'm sure they thought we were drug dealers with all the police dogs roaming around! Anyhoo we finally fitted the cat flap.....)

Bestb411pm · 02/11/2011 22:39

*I meant the neighbours thinking we're drug dealers!

PigletJohn · 02/11/2011 22:43

FabbyChic Wed 02-Nov-11 21:46:48
"I leave my back door open all day whilst I am out of the house so my dog can go in the garden. Nothings been pinched yet."

Yet.

Can you send me your address please?

I might possibly steal the dog.