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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a mum if she will invite both my children to tea not just one?

84 replies

NotSureofTheLaw · 02/11/2011 20:13

My children are 'irish twins' - 13 months age gap. At preschool my two played with a little girl and the eldest and this girl are now in reception. The mum has invited eldest for tea for the first time and I'm having a devil of a time telling youngest why the mutual friend at preschool has only invited one of them. Would it be unacceptable to ask her to take them both (two teas here in return obv) as the three of them have never noticed ages until now. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 02/11/2011 20:16

What are 'irish twins'?

Northernlurker · 02/11/2011 20:16

I would leave it tbh. The child has invited your oldest as a school friends thing. Just do something nice with younger dd instead.

academyblues · 02/11/2011 20:17

Sorry, but yes it would be unacceptable.

I'm a twin and my mother got caught up in trying to make things 'fair' and we were never allowed our own separate friends.

The best solution would be for your younger dd to have another friend round another night.

MenopausalHaze · 02/11/2011 20:17

Really it's not the other mum's problem that you can't explain properly to the younger child and it probably wouldn't be fair to put her on the spot about it.

Northernlurker · 02/11/2011 20:18

The op doesn't have Irish twins actually - that would be two dcs in less than 12 months - but I bet it feels close enough for her! Grin

Xmasbaby11 · 02/11/2011 20:18

You can't tell her who to invite. A school year gap is quite significant at that age, and will be for a while.

Andrewofgg · 02/11/2011 20:19

YABU: they are in different classes and will have different friends. Get used to it!

But like kladdkaka (and how are you, kladdkaka?) I would like to know what Irish twins are!

squeakytoy · 02/11/2011 20:19

I knew someone who was 9 months younger than their sister. They didnt expect to be included together in everything.

YABU.

Andrewofgg · 02/11/2011 20:20

northernlurker I knew people with children ten months apart to the day; I think the second was a bit premature but made it fine. The official version was that on the day they brought DC1 home they had a row and a reconciliation!

IslaValargeone · 02/11/2011 20:21

YABU.

MrBloomsNursery · 02/11/2011 20:21

Why can't your children have different friends? Hmm. Just tell the younger one that she wasn't invited and that you will both do something special together. Don't approach the Mum - she invited the elder one because they're in the same class. Your younger child isn't in their class anymore.

MrsTwinks · 02/11/2011 20:22

Irish twins are when siblings are less than 12 months different in age - ie mum got pg again within 2 months of birth. I've a couple of great uncles like that and they were registered as twins because by the time they decided to travel 30 miles to town to register the birth, they were expecting again so they waited till there were two babies to register iykwim

troisgarcons · 02/11/2011 20:23

I'm on the fence with this.

But Im coming down on the side of each child should develop ffriendships independently. So, YABU - however having two within a year, I always used the opportunity when one went to tea, to have my other son to bring a friend home.

Believe me - it's a rare bonus when they both got invited out at the same time!!

LadyInPink · 02/11/2011 20:23

That means my mom has Irish twins then Grin - my Dsis and Dbro are the same age for several weeks.

I would invite a special friend for the younger one on the same night as her big sis goes to her school friends because if you invite one for her another night then the older one will most likely join in the playing too which defeats the object.

This is going to happen a lot now the older one has started school so you may as well start as you mean to go on. I'm sure the mum will invite both your girls round at some point if they are all friends together but just not this time.

PeelThemWithTheirMetalKnives · 02/11/2011 20:23

It's disappointing for the younger child but I remember when I was at school, my friend's little sister always had to come everywhere. I hated it and really resented her! So don't make your younger child unpopular by forcing her on other children. Even if they used to play together before, the others are at school now.

Northernlurker · 02/11/2011 20:24

Andrew - I've met two people with 10 month gaps. No danger of that in this house! Grin

Bunbaker · 02/11/2011 20:24

I have never heard the term Irish twins before. Well, you live and learn. I agree with everyone else. Why should the mum invite the youngest as well? The other two are at school with each other. When your youngest starts school she will have her own friends.

fourandahalfkids · 02/11/2011 20:25

I'm sorry but it is unacceptable and if someone were to ask me I'd feel it quite cheeky, but also feel like i'd been put in anakward position not wanting to say no. This might influence whether I invited that child back again.

As others have said a school year does make a lot of difference and your dd needs to learn that she will have different friends.
That being said I would invite one of her nursery friends round for tea on the same night so she has something to look forward to.

Toughasoldboots · 02/11/2011 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 02/11/2011 20:26

irish twins.....i have 2 set in my family :)

but yabu, the invite is for the 1 child only

MrsDreadfullyMorbidMausoleum · 02/11/2011 20:31

Isn't that interesting! I have a friend with 'real' twins, one of whom is in my ds' class but when I put out an invite to come and play I always include both children.

And they all have fun.

Original poster
NotSureofTheLaw · 02/11/2011 20:32

Righto! Think that's settled then! Thank you wise mumsnet!

OP posts:
sabrinathemiddleagedwitch · 02/11/2011 20:34

Irish twins in dds class get invited separately. They aren't really Irish twins when they are 13 months apart and in separate year groups, they are just siblings so are bound to get invited separately.

sonnybeaudelaire · 02/11/2011 20:35

Anyone with twins, Irish or not, has to deal with this. Personally I think it's rude to ask for the sibling to be invited and have never done it.

I dealt with this by doing something special with the non invited twin (usually a drink and a cake in town), until they got used to the fact that they will be invited to different things. Now I don't need to do that, it's a fact of life.

Apart from being rude you'll also be making a rod for your own back if you always try to have them doing the same thing. 'Fair does not mean the same' is the mantra in our house!

clappyhands · 02/11/2011 20:38

oohhhh i love it when an AIBU is sorted quickly Grin