Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a mum if she will invite both my children to tea not just one?

84 replies

NotSureofTheLaw · 02/11/2011 20:13

My children are 'irish twins' - 13 months age gap. At preschool my two played with a little girl and the eldest and this girl are now in reception. The mum has invited eldest for tea for the first time and I'm having a devil of a time telling youngest why the mutual friend at preschool has only invited one of them. Would it be unacceptable to ask her to take them both (two teas here in return obv) as the three of them have never noticed ages until now. Wwyd?

OP posts:
OTheShame · 03/11/2011 07:56

Irish twins? Hmm

How insulting.

clappyhands · 03/11/2011 08:08

OMG
and the thread goes of the rail

Irish twins is a racist term and maybe sectarian?? - well fuck me i've heard it all now

in ireland we would call 13 mths apart "irish twins" btw although generally used to refer to those siblings born within a year of each other, even if they are in different year groups

CustardCake · 03/11/2011 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/11/2011 09:23

Well fuck me, in my part of Ireland we don't.

LaPruneDeMaTante · 03/11/2011 09:29

It's horrible, having to have your sibling do EVERYTHING the same as you. Let them do some things separately from time to time, it's good for them to get a bit of space.

GossipWitch · 03/11/2011 09:32

Invite one of your youngest's friends for tea at yours while your eldest goes for tea with their friend problem solved.

Fennel · 03/11/2011 09:47

The younger one might as well get used to this. My 10yo has been in a massive sulk this term cos my 11yo has gone to secondary school and she's stuck at primary for another year (11yo is overjoyed to get space away from irritating sister).

There's not much we can do about this even if we wanted to.

valiumredhead · 03/11/2011 09:51

A mother did this a couple of years ago when ds invited his mate over to play - I was most put out I can tell you! Pissed me off no end and you would think I had the maturity to get over myself by now but clearly not! Wink

RedBlanket · 03/11/2011 10:00

I have real twins and this has happened a lot since they started school. It's hard for the one left out But you have to help them deal with it.

Never heard the term Irish twins either.

valiumredhead · 03/11/2011 10:02

We have Irish twins in our family ( Irish family refer to them as that) 11 months apart - planned. I have great admiration for their mum!

duvetdayplease · 03/11/2011 10:05

My take is you need to stay out of it or it will be never ending - as soon as the younger heads up to school they'll get invited to things alone then where will you be?

Take the younger somewhere nice - it might be nice for you to have some 1-1 time with the younger one as this is rare when you have two or more.

HattiFattner · 03/11/2011 10:06

my sister has irish twins....7 months apart! one in May, next in December born at 25 weeks. Madness.

mumeeee · 03/11/2011 10:08

YABU. Your DCs are 13 months apart and in different school years. The Mother of the other child should not have to invite the youngest one.

fuzzynavel · 03/11/2011 10:21

YABU

She is inviting her childs friend to tea. No way should she have his brother as well.

fuzzynavel · 03/11/2011 11:07

or sister of course Blush

rubyrubyruby · 03/11/2011 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/11/2011 11:12

I think you should invite a friend over for your youngest on the same day. They both need to spread their wings independently, it will be good for them I would imagine.

gigglepin · 03/11/2011 11:17

No i think it would be rude to ask the mother to have both. You would be making it VERY awkward and i bet she wont ask again.

Which means just sucking it up and telling your other child that no, she cant go, end of.... But why dont you make a littel tea party for her , picnic type thing in the living room for a treat?

rubyrubyruby · 03/11/2011 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quirrelquarrel · 03/11/2011 11:43

No, good time for kids to learn they can't always have what they want. She doesn't need to understand perfectly...she'll realise in time.
I was friends with a twin in primary school. Her twin wasn't very nice and used to call me names and make me feel bad. I would have hated her coming to my house and I still wanted my friend, her twin, to come.

Obviously that's not the situation here, but you can't invite yourself!

Duckegg80 · 03/11/2011 11:52

The OP has already acknowledged the views of those who said she was being unreasonable.

I'm Irish and one of Irish 'triplets' - twin brothers born less than a year after me. I've heard the term many times and it's never bothered me.

Pandemoniaa · 03/11/2011 12:06

Please don't ask. It can only make the other mother feel uncomfortable and also, there comes a point when siblings simply have to learn that they can't go everywhere together regardless of how close their ages. You can handle this kindly and with sensitivity but you do your children no favours if they get the impression that they will automatically attend all social events as a pair. Also, they need to develop their own friendships.

I didn't have two children under a year old but there was only 18 months between ds1 and 2. On at least a couple of occasions, events were not improved by the arrival of an uninvited sibling who was similarly close in age to the invited child.

fluffygal · 03/11/2011 12:11

YABU. My DD1 and DS have an 11 month year gap, my two SS's who live with me have an 11 month year gap, but there is only 3 weeks between DD1 and SS1 (does that make sense? 2 year age gap between oldest and youngest of all 4.). All 4 were in preschool together and never got invited to the same parties, all individually.

Now DS (5) is in yr 1, he has his own mates and goes to parties alone, DD1 (4) and SS1 (4) are in the same class in reception but I would never expect them to be invited to the same parties. They are individuals with their own mates, and all 4 have always understood this from the first party invite. I must say I am sick of kids birthday parties already though!

schoolhelp · 03/11/2011 12:52

This reminds of a certain mother who always asked if her other DD could attend any event going. However on her invites, she would specify that siblings could not be accommodated. If you cannot send one without the other, then send neither. Parties and dates are not essential to parenting, courtesy is. HTH.

ilove · 03/11/2011 13:04

I've got Irish twins (9.5 month gap) and wouldn't dream of asking someone who has invited one to take the other!!!