To ask a mum if she will invite both my children to tea not just one?

[NotSureofTheLaw]

My children are 'irish twins' - 13 months age gap. At preschool my two played with a little girl and the eldest and this girl are now in reception. The mum has invited eldest for tea for the first time and I'm having a devil of a time telling youngest why the mutual friend at preschool has only invited one of them. Would it be unacceptable to ask her to take them both (two teas here in return obv) as the three of them have never noticed ages until now. Wwyd?

Hello to everyone that was kind enough to reply. I'm sorry if I was daft enough to use a term some people would find offensive - I've heard my kids called that lots of times and I'm not Irish so I just didn't think.
My issue was never that I thought they should do the same thing all the time - good grief no! I like the idea of getting one of them on their own for a change. All I was trying to do was to figure out what to do about my youngest who is really upset that somone who in reality she is MUCH closer to in age and was her best friend at preschool has invited her elder sister and not her. :-/ she just doesnt get it. My eldest likes the girl and they get on fine but they were never as close as my youngest is (was?) with her. I wondered the mother (whom I bearly know, she works and so doesn't do school runs) knew that they were very close? hrrrm. I kind of knew I couldnt do it but my heart bleeds for my youngest - she just doesnt understand why her best mate picked her sister! I certainly don't want them living in each others pockets, gawd no!

Thanks again for the replies!

Hi, yes, I think it's a bit unacceptable too. My daughter is an only (not through choice!) and tbh I am relieved now she is in reception rather than nursery that I can invite just her friends rather than the friends and siblings. For all sorts of reasons that I can't be bothered to go into. You must have noticed that there is a different atmosphere when there are three in a group rather than two though? Same with children. But, if you asked, I would smile politely and say yes of course, that would be lovely ;)

If I were you, I'd do something special with your other daughter so she doesn't feel left out. She has to get used to it really!

My twins have seperate friends. I would not ask.

YABU - your children are not a package deal.

Surely the girl hasn't been your youngest's best mate for 3 months if she is now at school. 3 months is a long time when you are 5. Hasn't your youngest realised that she no longer sees her former best friend as she has moved up to school and tried to find new friends?
It may be longer than 3 months if she last saw her in July when the schools broke up.
My kids both changed friends when they went from nursery (not called preschool in my part of Scotland but nursery) to school. My son had a choice whether he went up to school or stayed at nursery due to his age but unless previous friends lived nearby he realised that when you weren't seeing people any more they stopped being your friend because they found new friends they did see and so he had to find new friends.
Maybe you should explain to her so she makes more effort to find friends in her own school year. You seem to be getting a bit overupset about it. Small kids change friends and fall out with their friends all the time (well mine did). She'll find new friends, getting a "bleeding heart" about it all sounds a bit OTT.

YABU I'm afraid. You can't expect her to invite your youngest just because they are close in age and play together sometimes. My DD has a friend in her class (Y1) who has a younger sister of 4 and they have been here a few times with their mum to play. Mum seems to always assume that if the elder child is invited somewhere then the younger one is too, it's very embarrassing for other parents to be honest. Last week she turned up with both children at a birthday party even though the invitation was only for the older child. The host felt that she couldn't say no because it would have been very upsetting for the younger child all decked up in her party clothes. Let them have their own friends.

I have 2 older children very close in age, and a set of toddling twins. Real ones, not Irish! You just have to accept they're different people and will create diff friend groups. YABU

Nothing to add in relation to the main point but I'm another Irish person who finds the term 'irish twins' offensive, as many Irish people do. I appreciate that no one on this thread is using it with that intent, and many probably don't realise its pejorative origins. So just FYI (because I personally would want to know the full connotations of a term I was using innocently):

From Urban Dictionary:
The roots of the idea behind the term are actually quite old, although no one knows when, exactly, people first began to talk about Irish twins. In both England and the United States, a massive influx of Irish immigration in the 1800s led to a negative connotation with Irish people and society. This often happens when a large immigrant group begins to settle in mass numbers in a new country. The Irish were accused of being backwards and uncultured, and it was assumed that they were uneducated, dirty, and a general pox on society. As a result, the use of the word ?Irish? began to be pejorative.

A number of derogatory terms incorporating stereotypes about the Irish began to emerge, including ?Irish confetti? for thrown bricks and ?Irish kiss? for a slap. Irish twins fits into this vernacular, and is actually insulting on multiple levels.

Firstly, the term pokes fun at the stereotypical fertility of Irish Catholic families, which traditionally do not use birth control. In addition, it implies that the Irish lack the ability to plan ahead or control themselves, having children in quick succession rather than responsibly spacing them. Finally, it suggests that the Irish do not understand the medical definition of twins, which involves two children conceived and born together.

From WiseGeek:
The term ?Irish twins? is used to describe two children born to the same mother within 12 months of each other or born in the same calendar year. Given that it is a somewhat derogatory term, it is generally not used in print or in polite society. As is the case with many terms with derogatory origins, some people use it without thinking about the implications of the deeper meaning. Learning about the roots of these terms and the meaning behind them can help people to decide whether or not they are appropriate for common use.