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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My grandad is offended by my sons willy.

108 replies

VajazzleMyFoof · 02/11/2011 14:13

I am potty training my son at the moment. He has just turned two. I put him pants on but he likes to take them off as he 'likes to get air to his bum bum' his words not mine.

Well Grandad is 76 and comes to visit as it is on his way to get his pension. So my son is running around with his top over his head. My partner is a Stoke fan and has taught him first.
Grandad gets offended and asks if i could cover him up as he does not want to see his genitals. I explain he is potty training and likes to hop on and off his potty as he pleases. He then mutters under his breath, makes his excuses and leaves.

Am i been unreasonable to let my two year old have no pants on, in his own home.

OP posts:

Original poster

VajazzleMyFoof · 03/11/2011 16:36

Bloody Hell Clanger my son calls it that not ME. Of course i am interested in all views.
I know not everyone wants to see naked children and feels uncomfortable.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 03/11/2011 16:55

You sound rather foul, Eyebrows.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/11/2011 16:59

TheSmallClanger I can't understand all this fuss about "bum bum"! Really I don't get it. Surely all kids say similar things?

SoupDragon Really? Oh [looks bored]. Personally I find it foul to treat children like little soldiers and teach them to be ashamed of their bodies, but each to their own eh.

neolara · 03/11/2011 17:05

OP - can I just say, you have a truly fab name.

Original poster

VajazzleMyFoof · 03/11/2011 17:07

Thanks neolara. I dont even watch TOWIE either. I watched it for ten minutes once and heard one of them say Vajazzle and nicked it.

My foof could certainly do with a vajazzle at the moment.

OP posts:

ragged · 03/11/2011 17:08

I'd be interested on how he managed to toilet train his own children without seeing any nudity.

You know he didn't, his wife probably did, and he only saw them in early evenings most days. I think it's not a battle worth fighting, OP, people his age are very stuck in their ways. I'd just find it funny, tbh.

I must admit, I spent only a brief spell toilet training mine with pants off, they had to get used to wearing pants but not weeing pretty quick.

KurriKurri · 03/11/2011 17:09

Just been catching up on this thread.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows - I reported your post of 16:22:01, there is no need to be abusive to others to make your point.

pigletmania · 03/11/2011 18:54

Though I have highlighted the grandfathers behaviour is a generational thing and that elderly people are generally a bit when it comes to nudity, be it a child or adul;, however its op's house and her son has a right to roam around without any clothes on. Its easier to potty train if the bottom half is uncovered, its not like the boy is walking round outside in the streets in the buff or doing this in grandfathers house.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 18:56

Soup - thanks :)

KurriKurri - very sweet of you, but you didn't need to, I'd rather it stood so people can see people for what they are.

pigletmania · 03/11/2011 18:58

I have also reported it as well, as its a personal insult, really not in the spirit of Mumsnet.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/11/2011 19:01

really not in the spirit of Mumsnet

That's hilarious!

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 19:02

Pigletmania - it's very sweet of you too, but really I think people should only report posts aimed at them.

I wouldn't want anyone to think I'd reported it. I'm a big girl, I can handle being told to feck off It's much better for people to know what other posters are really like.

pigletmania · 03/11/2011 19:03

Well whoseGotMyEyebrows its not a nice thing to say to someone who disagrees to you. We all have different opinions and you don't have to swear at someone like that just because they don't have the same view!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/11/2011 19:04

ChippingInAutumnLover You are completely right of course . . . everyone can see what you are like.

mathanxiety · 03/11/2011 19:13

It is much easier to toilet train without the bother of having to pull down pants, but after the initial period you have to start training him to get to the toilet on time with clothes on. When were you planning on doing this?

How does he manage in nursery? If you are letting him run around bare of arse at home and he has to wear pants and peel them off in nursery, do you risk confusing him a bit?

I agree grandad probably has no idea of the technical details of day to day childcare, potty training, the amount of bodily exposure involved, and he possibly finds it all a bit of a shock, but I think he is being rude to think he can dictate what you can do in your own house with your own child, or even ask. Fine in his own house but presumptuous in yours.

nightshade · 03/11/2011 19:19

totally agree that children should be taught modesty. personally i don't feel that children should be running around at home, with their bits out, when any type of visitor is there.

what's wrong with the bathroom nowadays?? is that not the place to keep a potty?

Firawla · 03/11/2011 19:26

I agree with chippingin dont understand why she is being called an idiot etc for those opinions, of course its not impossible to potty train a child without nudity and what is so bad about encouring children to wear their clothes?? People are acting like putting a child into pants and trousers is an act of oppression.
And OP tbh I understand your grandad's point of view. If you want no pants in your house thats your perogative but imo it is rude not to dress the child atleast when visitors are there.
And yes I do admit I may be considered a "prude", I don't let my children go around naked at home at all even without visitors, maybe 5 mins before bath or something if I have to get something ready before they get in the bath. I don't think children are missing out so much by not going round naked, its not essential to spend half the time nude is it?! And of course they need to learn eventually about whats acceptable and not, so why not just start teaching them straight away

RomanKindle · 03/11/2011 19:27

"what's wrong with the bathroom nowadays?? is that not the place to keep a potty?"

Maybe if you have a downstairs bathroom but I wouldn't have fancied my 2 yr olds chances of making it up 2 flights of stairs to the bathroom without wetting herself at the beginning of potty training.

RomanKindle · 03/11/2011 19:29

And WhoseGotMyEyebrows how dare you SWEAR! On Mumsnet of all places

Original poster

VajazzleMyFoof · 03/11/2011 19:48

He is fine at nursery. For some reason it is just at home and only in the last few days.

At nursery they take his trousers off but leave the pants on and he is happy with that.

I will keep on putting his pants back on. He has worn his new Thomas pants tonight and actually kept them on.

So maybe his bare bum phase is over.

OP posts:

BabyDubsEverywhere · 03/11/2011 20:13

Cant understand why you cant just dress him normally with pants and trousers and take him to the toilet regularly? Its quite simple really, and no one would be offended, and its not teaching him to be ashamed of his body, its a social norm to wear clothing from birth. My two went from nappy and trousers to pants and trousers, as did my nephew and infact every child i have known. They only need to take all their clothes off for a bath. Its nothing to do with body confidence, is normality.

And changing a shitty nappy infront of guests, bleugh! Thats discusting and bad manners, Ive always taken mine to their rooms/a bathroom. Yes slightly more effort, but shows a bit of respect, for child and guest!

Original poster

VajazzleMyFoof · 03/11/2011 20:20

I find that as soon as i put his trousers on he forgets and wets himself. We have only just started potty training.

If we go to visit family or grandad then he wears his nappy pants and obviously all of his clothes. I think he just feels comfortable at home with not much on.

We will get there. It's not called potty TRAINING for nothing.

OP posts:

Original poster

VajazzleMyFoof · 03/11/2011 20:21

Oh and i would never change a dirty nappy in front of guests. I never said i did.

OP posts:

northernwreck · 03/11/2011 20:22

What babydubs said..

RomanKindle · 03/11/2011 20:37

Babydubs it depends how you want to potty train. I preferred for dd to learn when she had the urge to go and take herself rather than me taking her at scheduled times to sit and 'have a try'. In the early days it she didn't realise until she was about to go so a potty in the same room and no pants was helpful. It also helped her that she only had to learn one thing at a time. Learning when to go first followed by contending with clothing rather than having to do it all at once. She has always been fairly behind motor skills wise so trousers etc were quite hard work for her on their own.
If anyone came to visit when dd was bottomless and didn't like it they were free to avert their gaze or leave the room/house (no-one ever did) the same as if anyone visits when the baby is having nappy off time to help with nappy rash or if I am about to bath the children.
If I had put dd in clothes before she was ready to appease guests she would quite likely have had accidents fumbling with her clothes and been quite upset about it. Not what you need when you're trying to encourage your child to toilet train.
I think the best thing to do is that if anyone is planning on visiting warn them that there is a starkers potty training child on the loose then they can choose whether to come or not.

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