To think 3 weeks post-birth relatives can come and visit me, not the other way round?

[feelingratheroverwhelmed]

That's it really. They are nearly an hour away. All other things are equal (transport, we all have older children etc). I had a section, i've still got afterpains and I'm knackered.

So, if they want to see the new bub (and I am welcoming visitors) then they can come to us, and not be annoyed if I don't yet feel like a trip to theirs?

of course not!christ almighty. Mind you mil is annoyed that I didn't up myself and go to her house for her birthday party 14 days post c section. She ha wanted to show off the baby.

YANBU.
I think that people should come to you to see new baby, until you feel up to it.
Or wait to see you when you are up to travelling.
You know how you feel, and just because some bright spark will come on here and tell you that YABu, 3 weeks is AGES and you should be doing Triathlons by now, do what suits you!

Feel your pain, and Congrats on the baby x

YANBU. But do they know that you're welcoming visitors?

YANBU

They are the ones who want to see the baby - they need to make the effort.

Having said that, if they are elderly or infirm it might be nice to make the effort but I'm sure they can wait a little bit longer in that case. We took DS to see his great-grandparents 4 hours drive away at about 6 weeks old because they couldn't make the journey, but they would never have dreamed of insisting or being annoyed if we didn't.

YANBU at all, why on earth do they expect you to do the travelling?

yanbu.

YANBU, obviously.

YANBU. Would they be willing to travel to you if they'd recently had major surgery, and had a newborn to look after? Thought not.

I went to inlaws party when DS3 was 3 weeks old BUT it was only 30 mins away, I'd had a vaginal delivery with no stitches and it was one of those sit around and chat kind of parties not a disco. I feel very strongly that post birth is a time for looking after yourself and putting you and the baby first.

Ugh, we had to schlep to a family party 90 minutes away when DC1 was a month old. I was then made to go and sit in a bedroom whenever I was bf'ing her, which was much of the day as she was upset from having so many different people cuddling her and needed to suck for comfort. Nice.

YANBU.

i would go if it was a vb but not a c section.

I've stayed at home being unsociable for longer after each successive baby; YANBU.

If it were a dying invalid relative then it would probably behove you to make the journey yourself, but other than that no reason you need to be the one to travel.

Oh good, this has made me feel better! I was just a throwaway comment that I probably took too much to heart in my highly hormornal state, but I just thought I'd see what the general view was.

We've let people know that they can come here. My mum's the only one who can't make it here right now but she's already met the new addition and will be ok in a few weeks, so I just explained I wasn't ready to travel yet. She was fine about it.

Everyone else is young and fit and more than able to get here. Problem is we live away from the rest of the family so there's always the general feeling that everything should happen there.

I shall just make it clear, again ,that I don't feel like travelling too far, but they are welcome to come here should they wish. Stuff them if they think that's off!

Did they feel the pressure to visit others when they had their (older) children? If so, they may be feeling resentful, that you are "getting away with" something.

However, that's their problem!

I would say YANBU though my SIL would say YABU she refused to sit for longer than 5 mins after her (emergency) section!

They should visit you only if they are going to provide all the food/prepare the food/clean things away after and only stay for a couple of hours. You shouldn't lift a finger and just need to take it easy. It doesn't matter that all your family is an hour away - everything should be about what suits you best.

YANBU If you don't feel up to it you don't feel up to it and they'll just have to accept that.

I took dd to a wedding an hour's drive away when she was three weeks old. It was insane. I shan't be doing anything like that with dc2. Not a chance!

Did they 'get in first' and invite you to them or did they know that they were invited to visit you if they wanted and they turned it around to 'no you come here'?

Do they think you are therefore snubbing their invite? Do any of them have any experience of a cs? I'm guessing not... Do they have anything going on that you don't know about maybe that might make it more difficult for them to travel. Ok stupid question because how can you know if you don't know :). Maybe they like to entertain rather than be entertained as they find it easier and they don't want to take your condition into consideration as it means they have to put themselves out. They're trying to assuage the guilt by turning it into your fault rather admitting that they are the ones that have a problem!

Yanbu - just reiterate the invite and point out that you're still not fit to travel so if they want to see tiny baby then they need to make the effort,you're sorry but it's nothing personal, everyone else is having to visit too. I'd also point out that the way your recovery is going you are not planning on going out visiting for at least xx weeks (including a few extra for a safety zone) so they realise that if they are insistent on seeing you at theirs, they have a long wait.

I had both mine at home. My mother came the day they were born to housekeep while my husband was at work and, after she'd gone home, my mother in law came to carry on the good work. The same thing happened after my second was born but the other way round with my mother in law first. Everything went beautifully.

After 4 days of the first, I even went out to vote (driven by my DH) in the general election and when we arrived home, a couple of friends were there - so keen to see LO. I was pleased.

YANBU at all, although I found I much prefered doing the visiting as I could piss off as soon as I'd had enough, some people just won't leave.
(I'm locking myself in my house for at least a month next time.)

You're right about people not leaving!

I enjoy going out, and I'm happy to go just down the road. But this would be a whole afternoon / evening. I can't drive (at the mo) so I'd be stuck.

I'm staying at home!

YANBU.

Had two sections myself and (granted I did have post-op infections afterwards) really wouldn't have been up to an hours journey in a car just three weeks afterwards. The thought of experiencing an emergency stop at that stage makes me wince...........

Just remind them nicely you've had major surgery, feel pretty tender and don't want to travel just yet.

YANBU, I am struggling with something similar. Dh wants us to book the tickets to go to his family for New Year but I have no idea what state I will be in at approx 3 weeks pp. I mean I may be fine but I don't know yet.

I had a EMCS nine weeks ago and I don't think I'd got dressed at 3 weeks in! Good on you for even considering going, but don't :)