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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how often you have sex?

92 replies

my2centsis · 31/10/2011 02:28

just that really... on tv etc they always says in a healthy realtionships people have sex around 3 times a week? in that normal in RL?

Everyone also implys that their dp/ dh always wants sex... is that usually the case?? in my house i feel like im the 1 that wants to be intimate more then my dp, for us its once maybe twice a week on a good week.

but the most we have gone without is 3weeks.

we have a 3.6yr old dd and son due in 6weeks...

aibu to be suspicious and feel like he's not interested in me or am i just being ridiculous and need to get over myself lol

OP posts:

ZonkedOut · 31/10/2011 05:09

You are probably being a bit unreasonable and hormonal and reading too much into it. Why not just ask him why? You'll probably find it's something innocuous like not wanting to push you into it when you're 34 weeks pregnant.

The thing is, asking people on here will get you lots of answers about us and our partners, but tell you nothing about yours. Talk to him!

KatAndKit · 31/10/2011 07:22

3 times a week is quite a lot if you ask me. I only bother with it that much when ttc. Otherwise twice is plenty and once is ok on a busy week. Having sex three times a week when pregnant? No chance!
I'm sure it isn't that he isn't interested in you. I think some of these statistics are vastly exaggerated. If someone stopped you in the street and asked you how often you had sex, most people wouldn't answer twice a month. I think 3 times a week, unless you are in a new relationship, is probably a bit above average.
If you want more sex, have a word with him about it. If you are ok with once or twice a week and so is he, don't worry about what other people are supposedly doing.

AntsMarching · 31/10/2011 07:27

My husband didn't like sex when I got towards the end of pregnancy, think the idea freaked him out a bit. He did it anyway for me,only found out after that he was uncomfortable about it. Talk to your husband, could be something as simple as that.

We returned to normal after dd was born. Normal for us is 1/week.

Am pregnant again but will be mindful of how he felt first time round when we're nearing the end.

Groovee · 31/10/2011 07:32

How long's a piece of string? We do have sex but sometimes if I am ill or other reasons we may not have sex for a couple of weeks then have it for the next 5 days. It just varies depending on what's happening in our world.

borderslass · 31/10/2011 07:34

once in a blue moon

Kayzr · 31/10/2011 07:34

It depends on how we're feeling. My DP works away for 5 weeks so when he gets home we can sometimes have sex every night and every morning for a week or so. But it was maybe once a week last time he was home because I'm pregnant and knackered.

Gigondas · 31/10/2011 07:35

Agree with katandkit that 3 times a week quite a lot. Also pregnancy does affect how often you do it- either woman may not like/want it (I had bleeding for fest 14 weeks of this pregnancy which ruled it out) or what's antmarching
Talks about common( I had a friend who didn't have sex for whole pregnancy for that reason).

Sounds like issue here is you perceive that you want It more than dh- it could well be hormonal thoughts but I would talk to your dh about how you feel.

eurochick · 31/10/2011 07:48

Three times a week sounds like a lot to me. We are in the once a week bracket except when ttc. I'd like it more often but we are always knackered (we both work long hours) and my husband doesn't initiate it that much. I'd happily do it more often if he took the lead.

EricNorthmansMistress · 31/10/2011 07:53

3-4 times when all is fine and normal, far less than that when I was pregnant. We have one very good sleeper so no problems there.

mumofthreekids · 31/10/2011 08:10

I'd say once or twice a week is a pretty healthy amount when you've got young kids. I think it's more likely to be because you usually initiate it that might be making you feel this way?

We tend to assume men have a higher sex drive than women but it's not always the case. Does he usually want sex a lot and seems to be less keen at the moment, or has he always been happy for you to initiate? If it's the former then I agree that you being heavily pregnant may affect his desire - he may feel guilty about saying so, but I think it's quite normal and not worth getting offended about - only 6 more weeks to go!

If you still feel this way in a few months time, talk to him. Don't use the word 'suspicious' though!!

startwig1982 · 31/10/2011 08:41

We had sex 3 times in my last week of pregnancy in a vain attempt to avoid being induced. It didn't work and was bloody awful!! Once a week is fairly normal for us, although it took several months after giving birth for me to feel like it.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/10/2011 08:50

Dh and I decided at the beginning of the year to try to get more sex in as we know it improves our relationship so we set a goal of 50 orgasms (mine, not his - none of that selfish bonking in our house).

We're at 41 so far with 9 weeks to go. Not bad going considering I now have 9 days of PMT and 5 days of period - ruling out for me sex at those times. So for 2 weeks a months we don't have sex meaning that we're doing it twice a week the rest of the time.

He's a teacher so we had sex 3 times a week in the summer holidays - with no pmt/less stress/ more sleep we would probably be feeling the urge every 3 days I think.

nenevomito · 31/10/2011 08:54

Approx twice a year. Maybe three times if I can be arsed.

Kingsroadie · 31/10/2011 08:56

That's a good idea Laurie! I was just having this thought this morning - when we do it we really enjoy it but we don't do it as often as perhaps we should. Once or twice a week is normal for us (probably nearer once )! But recently I haven't been very well for about 2 weeks so we haven't done it for ages. And I feel guilty - but I still don't feel great so don't really feel like it! Plus if we are bickering a bit I go off it too. I am a delicate flower

Shushshessleeping · 31/10/2011 08:57

Wow I'm an awful wife! We haven't had sex since conceiving my 9 week old son!

I didn't want to have sex when we were first pregnant as I'd read it could cause bleeding and maybe miscarriage. Then I was sick ALL the damn time, then I had a bump and felt like threes a crowd as it were! Good job we didn't in the last few weeks as every internal examination I had they felt his head straight away and as a result internals were more painful than childbirth (not kidding!)

Then he was born by forceps and had an episiotomy so understandably didn't want anyone down there! And now its about time I gave him (and myself!) a treat!

BlueAndBrown · 31/10/2011 09:10

Shush We were the same, no sex whilst pg. Though I was happy to, the thought if it freaked out my DH. So 2 pgs with only 5 months between them meant we only had sex about 3 times in 2 years! It was enough to get 2 DDs though!

Thankfully our dry spell is over now

CamperFan · 31/10/2011 09:24

Ha ha shush, I was the same, esp as I did actually have one mc before getting pg again with DS2. I had forceps and epi too, and actually Ds2 was 8 months before I felt like it!!! He's 12 months now and we do it once a week. It would be more if we weren't so knackered.

CamperFan · 31/10/2011 09:25

And I should add that DH would be happier if it was everyday.

Angel786 · 31/10/2011 09:30

I was unable to after 5 mths pg. Pre dd prob twice a week unless ttc. Dd now 10 mths so prob about once a week. After dd was born I physically couldn't for about 4 mths due to tearing.

StaceymAloneForver · 31/10/2011 09:35

we do normally once a day, but i know when i'm pregnant i go off sex quite rapidly, but i think 3 times a week is pretty normal/more than normal xxx

BarmyBiscuit · 31/10/2011 09:50

About 5 times a week for me. I think that's above average though

SjuperWereWolef · 31/10/2011 09:52

couple of times a day, sometimes more [hblush] tbf tho we both have high sex drives. tho we wont be getting any loving for the next couple of weeks seeing as the baby is coming soon [hgrin]

BOOareHaunting · 31/10/2011 09:58

sjuper I thought maybe you were doing it to try and get the baby out you've heard the old tale.

Maybe you need a vindaloo and a good shag

No news from sister yet - she's due today so we are on the 2 week countdown!

Shutupanddrive · 31/10/2011 10:02

DP would be happy if it was every day! However we settle on about 2/3 times a week usually. Varies though

brianmayshair · 31/10/2011 10:11

Usually 4 times a week but i'm pregnant and now its pretty much every day. We have gone through spells where we have been down 2-3 times a week. Usually when we have had small babies and are sleep deprived.

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