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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how often you have sex?

92 replies

my2centsis · 31/10/2011 02:28

just that really... on tv etc they always says in a healthy realtionships people have sex around 3 times a week? in that normal in RL?

Everyone also implys that their dp/ dh always wants sex... is that usually the case?? in my house i feel like im the 1 that wants to be intimate more then my dp, for us its once maybe twice a week on a good week.

but the most we have gone without is 3weeks.

we have a 3.6yr old dd and son due in 6weeks...

aibu to be suspicious and feel like he's not interested in me or am i just being ridiculous and need to get over myself lol

OP posts:
Mummyinggnome · 31/10/2011 17:33

4/5 times a week. Was every day but we now have three kids under four!

usingapseudonym · 31/10/2011 18:22

Evil - what changed?! We're more like that. Husband has an incredibly low sex drive and I'm amazed that I'm pregnant....

Even pre kids we rarely "did it". I have a high sex drive and would happily do it morning noon and night and would love to get experimental but I've married the wrong man for that.... grrr. He's fantastic in other ways, a lovely dad and companion but I can't see if we're ever going to have a "proper" sex life...

2old2beamum · 31/10/2011 18:28

atosilis join the club married 44 years neither of us can be arsed. Our excuse is we have 2 adopted DCs (disabled) aged 12 & 6 and are knackered.

PosiesOfPoison · 31/10/2011 18:31

Before non sleeping baby number three Dh and I were at least once a day, nearly everyday (aside from a coupld of weeks post section twice), baby number three chnaged stuff (she had reflux). Baby number four was also reflux and so patterns changed again, plus our relationship has been shit. We 're getting back on track and youngest is nearly three, so probably 3-4 times a week...Aside from time of the month as my periods have changed too!!

MistyMountainHop · 31/10/2011 18:54

at the moment 1 - 2 times a week

have been together 3 1/2 years, married 10 months and have 2 dc 2.5 and 5.6

we fancy eachother loads and have both said we want it all the time but tiredness puts paid to it a lot of the time :(

we were on holiday earlier in the year without the dc and did it 1 - 2 times a day. and if we haven't got the dc we tend to get a few in as well :o

so sometimes i think when you're parents its just a case of the spirits willing but sometimes the bodies unable iyswim!

pranma · 31/10/2011 18:56

The last time would be about 9 years ago I think :).I have a loving affectionate dh and lots of cuddles but we agreed that neither of us much fancied the full on sex thing so we dont bother.When we were first married 23 years ago it was a couple of times a day.

pranma · 31/10/2011 18:58

Ours was a second marriage for both of us and I was 43 and he was 51 when we married.

GrownUpZombieKiller · 31/10/2011 18:58

We'd both like to be an every day couple, but every other day is probably the norm. Unfortunately I am having issues that are putting me off sex altogether, but I have spoken to him about this so that he's aware it's not him and we can work towards keeping our sex life healthy (as in neither of us feeling bad).

Pendeen · 31/10/2011 19:00

About three times a month, as an average.

KatAndKit · 31/10/2011 19:00

I wouldn't like it every day. It would be too "routine" for me, a bit like washing my hair. I'd rather have less frequent sex but have the time to make it more enjoyable. I am not one for the ten minute quickie, it takes me a while to get in the right mood. I couldn't be doing with that every evening.

KoPo · 31/10/2011 19:03

Its pretty variable with DH and me. We can go for weeks having sex every night or more. Then go for weeks hardly having any sex at all.

There really is no norm.

Rhubarbgarden · 31/10/2011 19:23

Christmas and birthdays.

ouryve · 31/10/2011 19:25

We can have it 3 times a week, then not again for 3 months. I have fluctuating perimenopausal hormones and sometimes don't feel any interest at all.

EvilElizabethPonsonby · 31/10/2011 19:34

What changed? I was going to leave him, gave DP a bit of a kick up the arse that did...and after a few heart to hearts etc we realised what we had been doing to ourselves and made the effort to change!

oneofthosedays · 31/10/2011 19:38

Once a month on average, if I'm lucky once a week but twice this week so far so maybe things are picking up Grin. DH is the one with less interest at the moment but at times it has been me who's been less keen. Been together 10yrs, married 4.5yrs and DCs are 8 and 4. When we first got together it was more like 3-4 times whenever we saw each other (usually every weekend and 2-3 days during the week) Shock. Oh how I long for those days Wink

jugglingwithpumpkins · 31/10/2011 19:40

Good to see the wide variety here. I wonder if those at the extremes of the spectrum are slightly more likely to post. I'm a bit less keen ATM tbh - possibly like ouryve and hope it won't spell too much trouble in our relationship ?

Signet2012 · 31/10/2011 19:49

last year - 5 times. All year.

This year at least twice a week. Sometimes twice a night!

Its like all of a sudden I have been wired up correctly!!!

highlandcoo · 31/10/2011 19:54

Married over 30 years and we have sex 2/3 times a week, but can be most days if we're on holiday. Speaking to friends, though, I think we might be quite lucky

MrsGhost · 31/10/2011 19:54

Been together for 22 years, we last had sex 5 years ago, we last had a 'proper' sex life about 12 years ago. I find it very Sad but dh doesn't have a high sex drive and I can't see that changing now Sad
DH said I could ask for anything for my fortieth birthday (about 18months ago) I asked for a night of passion, did I get any, did I heck. Sad

edwinbear · 31/10/2011 20:33

Once every 3 or 4 months if I'm lucky, I'm staggered that I managed to get pregnant with DC2 (currently 36 weeks). I had to beg him to about 3 months after DS was born as I was diagnosed with a prolapse postpartum, gynaes kept asking me how sex was and I felt so ashamed saying I didn't know as we hadn't tried it yet. I think the birth and prolapse have completely put him off, whilst I would happily be at it every night. It's actually a big problem in our marriage but he won't discuss it.

TurkeyBurgerThing · 31/10/2011 21:44

I hate it. Dunno why, but after having 3DC I feel absolutely nothing. I have freakishly large tits which I despise getting out for DH to grope. He constantly demands it and would happily have it several times a day. I give in about once a week to keep him satisfied because it would be unfair not to.

I don't know why I feel like this! I adore my DH and find him incredibly attractive. I'm not keen on the constant daily pressure and grabbing tho. He feels rejected if I don't let him have his fun! It's probably to do with how I feel about myself. I really don't enjoy it any more.

madmomma · 31/10/2011 21:51

A couple of times a month at the mo. Tiredness gets to us before horniness!

demonicma · 31/10/2011 21:56

24 years married here and I would love never to have to do the damn thing ever again. No feelings that way for DH and hate the fact that he still wants it and pesters me for it constantly. give in a couple of times a month.

PosiesOfPoison · 01/11/2011 10:14

MrsGhost. Is that good enough for you?

Rollon2012 · 01/11/2011 10:32

I think age is a big factor

first preg (19 yrs) every day sometimes twice up until 37 weeks.

I dont think may expectant mother in their late thirties would be up for that lol