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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

disagreeing with DSIL wanting vouchers for DN and DN age 2 and 4 for xmas?

77 replies

AnxiousElephant · 30/10/2011 23:18

We don't live close to each other but my parents are able to take presents this year as they live near DB and SIL. I would like to buy presents rather than send vouchers because I feel for children this age they would enjoy having gifts that mean something. I want them to remember that we sent something and I know that if I send Debenhams vouchers as requested they will just go on designer clothes and they won't know they came from us. I have to add that they are financially very secure and do not need more designer clothes..................they apparently have everything Hmm. I wanted to get something that they can enjoy and grow into during the year?
AIBU?

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsPussInBoots · 30/10/2011 23:19

Just buy them presents.

Dee03 · 30/10/2011 23:21

No YANBU...buy them whatever presents you want to buy...
I agree children that young don't appreciate a voucher! Smile

HowlingWereWolfBitch · 30/10/2011 23:24

Some people are really overwhelmed this year when it comes to presents. Lack of space or just to much toys in general that children aren't really getting the benefit from because there is simply too much things to play with.

I understand how you feel though I hate giving vouchers as gifts.

Floggingmolly · 30/10/2011 23:26

How do you know your SIL wants vouchers? Did you ask, or did she tell you? I can't understand this thing of basically putting in orders for Christmas / birthday presents, they should be optional and at the complete discretion of the giver, IMO.
Get them whatever you decide.

squeakyfreakytoy · 30/10/2011 23:26

Oh I dont know if YABU or YANBU... I can sort of see it both ways. The kids have everything and their mother doesnt want even more toys.. perfectly understandable. You want to get them something that they will remember, again perfectly understandable, but at 2 and 4, they are still a bit young to really appreciate personal gifts just yet, unless it is something that will last until they are much older and they will be able to look back and know who got it them.

slavetofilofax · 30/10/2011 23:27

Did she just ask for them or did you ask what they wanted?

If she asked first, YANBU. If you asked what they wanted, YABVU.

BluddyMoFo · 30/10/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cat64 · 30/10/2011 23:32

This reply has been deleted

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dramatrauma · 30/10/2011 23:34

YANBU, but this one's not worth the fight. Whether she told you first she wanted vouchers (rude) or she responded to your question (still kinda rude) doesn't matter. This isn't worth the fight. Just buy the vouchers. Better a happy SIL than making a point.

ShriekingLisa · 30/10/2011 23:34

Just buy them presents.

Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 30/10/2011 23:39

Well DSIL said vouchers but DB said DN2 likes grufallo so I'm going with that theme for him. DN1 likes disney princess so I'm going with that theme for her. I just found a childs disney princess camera that she can play with (DSIL and DB are quite precious about them using things like that) and then later in a few years she can play with software that adds characters to the pics etc, so she can grow with it iyswim.
I found a great useful but enjoyable grufallo ruck sack as well and wellies.
Does that sound fair? Useful but fun?

OP posts:
Original poster
AnxiousElephant · 30/10/2011 23:43

My children seem to remember where everything came from, even the tat we collect on days out! Grin They can still tell me who their xmas presents come from a year later. Maybe they are odd! I suppose it is because we live away from the family so we always tell them who sent what iyswim.

OP posts:
Fixture · 30/10/2011 23:44

YANBU. Buy presents :)

FessaEst · 30/10/2011 23:51

I hate giving vouchers to adults tbh, let alone DCs, so YABU. I think it really reduces giving presents to a financial exchange and it all gets a bit pointless imho.

I tend to try and get personalised gifts in this kind of situation-as it can be useful (a bag for eg) and a bit different to the endless piles of plastic tat (that you can totally understand the parents not wanting any more of).

Squiglettsmummy2bx · 31/10/2011 04:49

Yanbu My dc have way too much stuff & at 6 & 8 live going out & picking their own things but at 2 & 4 (especially 2) would have bern disappointed to receive a piece of paper for Xmas. How about nice books? You can never have too many, there are some really lovely keepsake ones out there & they don't take up loads of space like toys.

Tortoiseinadarkspell · 31/10/2011 04:55

I just found a childs disney princess camera that she can play with (DSIL and DB are quite precious about them using things like that)

What does this mean? Do you mean they're 'precious' about not wanting branded princessy stuff for their daughters? In which case, it sounds like you're thinking of getting the children something their parents would disapprove of, to make a point?

That aside, I'd get gifts as opposed to Debenham vouchers. I'm very anti-clutter and I hate the presents tsunami, but my 2 year old does remember and appreciate where things come from - to the point where she asks, when putting on her favourite clothes, who bought her this? - and it's nice to give a Thing.

MrsBloodyTroll · 31/10/2011 05:04

YABU. We've asked family for minimal presents for our DCs this year because our house is bursting at the seams and we're fed up of seeing money wasted needlessly when so many kids in this world have nothing. We have No More Space for plastic crap. Our DCs don't get time to play with it all anyway. I would rather the money went into their savings accounts or to charity. Please respect the wishes of your SIL, or she will be on here moaning about you soon!

I gave vouchers (albeit for ELC) to a friend's kids a few years back when they were around the ages you describe and she told me they loved it, being able to go and choose something for themselves, and they knew the vouchers were from me. She may have been lying to me, but I don't think so.

If you don't want the vouchers to be used to buy designer clothes, get them vouchers from somewhere else like Mothercare/ELC. Then buy a small £5 present so they have something to unwrap from you and remember (chocolate or something that won't take up room for very long like craft stuff).

The bag and wellies do sound lovely, but TBH I like to choose those things for my DCs myself. Yes, I do need to get out more!

KatAndKit · 31/10/2011 07:26

I wouldn't buy vouchers for kids under the age of about 8. A proper present is much nicer. But I agree about the plastic crap. I think people buy too many presents in general.

YABU about the disney princess camera. It sounds nauseatingly hideous. There is enough pink princess crap without everything having to be branded that way. Go to ELC and get a nice kids camera/toy camera without princesses on it.

borderslass · 31/10/2011 07:32

I used to buy mine a present from the voucher giver so they had something to unwrap, both my sisters live a fair distance away so sending presents was a bit to expensive. FIL and SMIL have always sent cash as well.

colken · 31/10/2011 07:41

I have two grandsons and never buy toys for them. They are inundated, by others, with toys at birthdays and Christmas and perhaps the odd visit. I buy them a book each (Winnie the Pooh, Classic Stories, Gulliver's Travels, Jungle Book, Mythology, Children's Baking Book (see that it hasn't a girl on the front) Mr Books etc -depending on age). They love to read them, they do not suffer breakage and are still on their shelves. They also get a cheque each which their parents put into an interest-bearing account. And if you are able to, what about a premium bond? £100 minimum.

I have been there at Christmas and wrapping paper is torn off in a frenzy so quickly that Mother and Father cannot keep tabs on who gave what.

colken · 31/10/2011 07:42

Oh, and if I had a granddaughter, I would never, never buy anything pink!! That smacks of stereotyping!

SageBatMist · 31/10/2011 07:43

Your SIL could be me. I'd far rather my DD was given vouchers, so she (DD) could choose what she wants. We always end up with loads and loads of stuff that DD doesn't play with. So if anyone asks I always say vouchers now.

KatAndKit · 31/10/2011 07:43

Some pink things are fine. Pink is a colour just like blue or green or yellow. It's the idea that everything for girls has to be pink that is wrong.

sleepevader · 31/10/2011 07:46

I read the camera thing as they don't like the children using their cameras/phones /gadgets etc,

If they have too many toys can't you get them vouchers for cinema / something fun?

Or just do no presents between the families?

LorelaisMommy · 31/10/2011 07:58

For my nieces b'day I boought her a years pass to an outdoor adventure park they go to. She knew it was from us, it'll get lots of use, and is the size of a credit card. Perfect.

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