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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

disagreeing with DSIL wanting vouchers for DN and DN age 2 and 4 for xmas?

77 replies

AnxiousElephant · 30/10/2011 23:18

We don't live close to each other but my parents are able to take presents this year as they live near DB and SIL. I would like to buy presents rather than send vouchers because I feel for children this age they would enjoy having gifts that mean something. I want them to remember that we sent something and I know that if I send Debenhams vouchers as requested they will just go on designer clothes and they won't know they came from us. I have to add that they are financially very secure and do not need more designer clothes..................they apparently have everything Hmm. I wanted to get something that they can enjoy and grow into during the year?
AIBU?

OP posts:
beanandspud · 31/10/2011 08:22

If you have asked SIL what they want it seems a bit unreasonable to do what you want to do anyway.

If not Debenhams vouchers then cinema vouchers, annual pass to local farm/zoo, tickets to a theme park, National Trust membership, Merlin pass might be options?

I am always grateful for vouchers at Christmas as DS's birthday is only a few weeks afterwards and vouchers mean that I can treat him to something in the summer when it seems like a long wait to the next Christmas/birthday.

whatdoiknowanyway · 31/10/2011 08:34

My SILs both did this. I resented it as they had 3 kids each and I had 2. So every Christmas I handed over £120 worth of vouchers and got £80 back. Soulless and unfair. I much preferred taking a little time and finding gifts within my budget that looked like a whole lot more and were appropriate to the child and their interests.

LoveBeingAWitch · 31/10/2011 08:54

Just get it personalised and then they can't take it back Grin

RainboweBrite · 31/10/2011 10:30

YABU. If they want vouchers, that's what you should get them.

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 10:42

I would just ignore (I wouldn't have asked in the first place)and buy a present. I would buy books and if you are not sure what they have get a book token so you have taken half the suggestion.

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 10:43

I always wonder why when people have DCs they think they can control everyone and everything!!

Floggingmolly · 31/10/2011 10:46

whatdoiknowanyway. I can't believe you were the only one to notice that? Your SIL's sound bloody selfish Shock

howlingheadlessmunsters · 31/10/2011 10:48

YANBU
Presents definitely at that age. If too much plastic stuff buy books or making stuff because that does get used then binned. No child that young ever had too many sticker books !

rivig · 31/10/2011 10:58

YANBU but stop and think for a minute, if they are "financially secure and do not need more designer clothes" then your hard earned money could go on a present they don't appreciate... okay you may not learn that so ignorance could be bliss. I only speak from being a parent who does have to count the pennies and feel really sorry for the children when they get a toy that they already have and a duplicate is no use really. They do not get vouchers but once got a fiver and they wrote thank you letter as always saying they looked forward to spending it and when they had spent it they wrote telling the mum what they had bought with it. Okay more expense at our end. Having said all this, more money/vouchers for kids who have everything probably means as much to them as duplicated toys. Grin

imogengladheart · 31/10/2011 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 31/10/2011 10:59

I can see both sides tbh.

Although the gruffalo stuff sounds lovely won't the child already have wellies and a bag?

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 11:06

2 yr olds and 4 yrs old do not want clothes for a present!

Oblomov · 31/10/2011 11:06

I always ask my sil's if there is anythng that the children want in particular. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes I buy clothes or toys. I have given money to go in their bank accounts. Other times I paid for nephews football summer school. One birthday and christmas all family members contributed towards a very expensive trampoline, that nephew and niece use daily.
All the above presents are fine with me.
You didn't like the idea oftheir kids having everyhting, in your OP ? Let me tell you, that most of the kids i know, really do have everything, and literally want for nothing. Mine do. I can't understand why that concept would be so hard for you to grasp.
I am literally struggling to come up with anything that my ds's (7 and 3) need for christmas. Because they need nothing. For my 3 year old, whose birthday it was last month, I could think of nothing, and ended up telling my 6 sil's that he needed pyjamas !!!

Oblomov · 31/10/2011 11:12

No 2 and 4 yera old cares about clothes ?
REALLY ? You haven't met mine. My 7 year old loves clothes. Always has. We bought him some skinny jeans for his birthday. That kid loves them. My sil bought him a pair of Gold Puma trainers, reduced in TK maxx. He hasn't taken them off since, and tells everyone, what fab presents Antie C**a buys.
My 3 year old loves clothes. Not designer. But fireman sam and bob the builder t shirts. Kermitt the frog t shirt that we bought him for his birthday, he adores and begs to wear.

Some kids do like clothes, you know !!

randomness · 31/10/2011 11:26

YABU to want to buy (probably) heavily indulged kids more stuff because they 'would enjoy having gifts that mean something'.

Fact is, if the kids have enough stuff that the mother would prefer a voucher, your present probably won't mean anything to them, especially as you won't be seeing them on the day, your carefully chosen gift is just so much more stuff to be chucked to one side in the present unwrapping bedlam.

My kids are far from overindulged (can't stand plastic tat so don't tend to buy it for them ourselves, would rather buy fewer things they'll get proper use out of, or spend the money on family days out instead) but family insists on buying 'presents' and it's me who's got to find a home for it all [hangry]
House is overflowing with crap, and the more stuff the kids have, the less they actually play with any of it because the rooms are too crowded.

I always find birthdays and Christmas are a bit tainted for this reason, I do a big declutter session just before and think the whole 'send last year's junk to the charity shop to make room for this year's junk' cycle is quite obscene.

But maybe I'm just a big killjoy [hgrin]
my bloody sister seems to think so, with her sodding Moon Sand and her chuffing Sylvanian Families presents

randomness · 31/10/2011 11:31

You could buy them an Oxfam goat voucher if you don't think the children will appreciate Debenhams vouchers and you're not allowed to buy them actual stuff, at least that way someone will appreciate your gift and you get to pull the best passive aggressive stunt EVER

Mwahahahahahaaaaa [hgrin]

MrsVoltar · 31/10/2011 11:32

randomness If someone gave my DS hideous MoonSand I'd give it back. It is awful stuff Grin

randomness · 31/10/2011 11:36

After the first lot we were given, I've taken to hiding it and regifting but only to people I hate [hgrin]

TooEasilyTempted · 31/10/2011 11:43

YABU to think that a 2 and 4 year old are going to know or remember who gave what when faced with mountains of presents! They are probably overwhelmed with toys and if it's anything like my house there is no room for any more crap.

When asked by friends and family what to get for DS this year for his birthday and Christmas (both close together) we've asked for vouchers for a music shop because he's getting electric drums and they cost £400. We have told him that if he gets the drums there will be no other presents and the drums will be from everyone.

SoupDragon · 31/10/2011 11:52

Perhaps they don't want any more Stuff cluttering their house.

buy the vouchers plus a small gift to unwrap.

StewieGriffinsMom · 31/10/2011 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 12:00

The moral of the story is never ever ask-just do your own thing-much simpler.

DejaWho · 31/10/2011 12:16

I'd get annoyed being asked to buy vouchers too - part of the whole present thing is the joy of knowing you've spent time choosing a nice gift for people (assuming you do this and don't just buy everything 3 for 2 in Boots gift set aisle).

I'll have the Gruffalo bag - I love the Gruffalo!

But I hate utter ungrateful controlfreakery where presents and parents are concerned and there's a hell of a lot of it goes on these days.

HappyMummyOfOne · 31/10/2011 12:17

YANBU, the present should be bought with the child in mind not what the parents deem appropriate. If they are quite restrictive in what the children have then buy something you know the child will love and they will always remember who it came from.

stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 31/10/2011 12:31

I think vouchers for special days out are good, or something that will last and be remembered such as jewellry for older children, my SIL puts in requests for what to get her 3 and I hate it, much rather buy something I want to get them but tbh they have loads and I dont see enough of them to know what they have or what they like so usually go with her ideas. last year I got build a bear vouchers and they had great fun having a day out to go and get their bears and accessories.