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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

disagreeing with DSIL wanting vouchers for DN and DN age 2 and 4 for xmas?

77 replies

AnxiousElephant · 30/10/2011 23:18

We don't live close to each other but my parents are able to take presents this year as they live near DB and SIL. I would like to buy presents rather than send vouchers because I feel for children this age they would enjoy having gifts that mean something. I want them to remember that we sent something and I know that if I send Debenhams vouchers as requested they will just go on designer clothes and they won't know they came from us. I have to add that they are financially very secure and do not need more designer clothes..................they apparently have everything Hmm. I wanted to get something that they can enjoy and grow into during the year?
AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsBloodyTroll · 31/10/2011 12:33

I'm not being a control freak...I am DD's mother and know what she does and doesn't have/want/need. Disney films always (yes, always, without fail) make her cry...why tf would I want reminders of those films hanging around our house? She was totally nonplussed by the Disney Princess crap she received for her birthday, has no idea who the pretty ladies are. Peppa Pig? Now you're talking!

I'm not sure I know my DN well enough to be able to judge what she would/would not like, so I ask my SIL and respect her wishes even if I think she's bonkers.

OP, if you do go ahead with your plan, then please please have the good grace to a) purchase the presents close to Christmas so that b) you can get a gift receipt and your SIL can still be within 28 days to return them if she wishes.

DejaWho · 31/10/2011 12:39

Buy them something that makes a noise. There has to be something that makes a noise. That's what 4am is for (I forget the exact quote).

YourMother · 31/10/2011 12:49

Haven't read the whole thread but I can see where they are coming from. We are lucky enough to have a mahoosive family and lots of friends and Ds' second birthday party resulted in a sea of plastic, lots of duplicates, no space to store everything etc.

While it was lovely of everyone to think of him and buy him presents, I'm not looking forward to all that again at Xmas. Would be far better IMO to buy vouchers or put money away towards something the dc actually need/want but I know I prefer to buy presents for others too so I would never explicitly ask people to do this, just quietly hope!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 31/10/2011 12:51

If you don't actually want to know what to get them, don't ask - go right ahead, do your own thing and ignore your DSILs request. Oh, and include the receipt as Troll says.

whackamole · 31/10/2011 12:56

Surely Christmas presents are not about need anyway?

Personally, I have asked for clothes or vouchers for my boys this year - they will be almost 3. We have bought them some Megablok type things but we simply do not have the space for any other toys.

YAB a bit U. Get them vouchers and a bottle of bubbles or something if you really must get them a thing.

Bunbaker · 31/10/2011 12:59

"I can't understand this thing of basically putting in orders for Christmas / birthday presents, they should be optional and at the complete discretion of the giver, IMO."

I am so glad that my family do. I live 250 miles away from my sister and her family and Amazon stuff to them for Christmas. BIL loves reading, but I don't know what books he already has, niece and nephew are teenagers and I have no idea what they enjoy these days and sis likes all sorts of things. I could get away with buying presents for her without knowing what she specifically wants, but it just doesn't work with the rest of the family.

Also MIL hates surprises. SIL has bought all sorts of expensive presents for her that she never uses - hand held blender, PVR, other electronic stuff and MIL has asked us not to waste money on her and she will tell us what she wants. I do buy stocking fillers - chocs, toiletries though for her to open.

I think you are very lucky that a) You enjoy Christmas shopping and b) You know what your family likes. It isn't the same for all of us.

YourMother · 31/10/2011 13:12

Also, parents know their children and what they like best.

My dad keeps buying my other ds big, expensive duplo sets and toys which are obviously and kindly bought with him in mind and he has quite a collection but he doesn't ever play with them and would definitely prefer a car set or a book or something for the garden etc so it's a bit of a waste of money.

pengymum · 31/10/2011 13:25

Why not get a gift membership to somewhere they like going? (- my children love the Barnes Wetland Centre)
That way, they will remember the present and SIL will be happy as it will not add to clutter!

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 16:42

I thought that presents were just that, something chosen by the giver and not something that has to be ordered by the receiver.

Bunbaker · 31/10/2011 18:06

"I thought that presents were just that, something chosen by the giver and not something that has to be ordered by the receiver."

I suggest that you read the other posts. I want to buy my nephew and niece presents that they will enjoy, but have absolutely no idea what they like. My sister tells me. It is far better to do that than waste money on a CD/book/game they already have or won't use. What don't you get about that?

You can only buy someone a surprise present you know will be well received if you know that person well. I only see my sister and her children once or twice a year.

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 18:56

It might be nice, but the present giver gets the choice. Parents can't control everything and everyone-however much they might like to! I tend to buy books and always say,' if you have got it I will change it for something else'-so far I have never duplicated.

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 18:57

I agree that it might be nice to be asked but I am not buying clothes for DCs so young-they couldn't (on the whole) care less what they wear as long as it is comfortable.

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 18:59

And if I was getting clothes I would choose them and send them-not vouchers.

Fixture · 31/10/2011 19:26

Agree with exoticfruits. There's so much more pleasure in giving and receiving carefully-chosen surprises than basically placing an order for something, or vouchers which are effectively the same as money. Of course the downside is the occasional unwanted/useless gift, but so what?

iloverainbows · 31/10/2011 19:37

I agree with other posters that vouchers or money at this age is not something I would do. You could say that if they have everything they need then a small gift would suffice. Afterall it is about the gift not about the amount of money you spend.

That said perhaps there is something you could give as a family gift e.g. membership of the RSPB or Wildlife Trust, tickets to a pantomine or theatre production at their local theatre (many are suitable for the the 4 year old at least).

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 31/10/2011 20:24

Agree Bunbaker.

I have 3 neices, and live about 400 miles from my sister. We don't know what each others families have already, space is at a premium and money is tight - so it makes absolute sense to tell each other what the kids are looking for. Carefully chosen gifts are only really possible if you know the other person very, very well and know what they have - so I imagine that those of you who prefer to operate in this way probably live fairly close to your neices/nephews/etc?

GreenandBlacksAddict · 31/10/2011 20:24

I wish someone would give our son vouchers or the money, last Xmas relatives asked what he wanted so I gave many choices from £3 - £10 all Lego which he spends many happy hours playing with - but no they can not equate that its better to have a small lego toy than a great big crap plastic thing which breaks by Boxing day. He had a cheap football game which fell to pieces, a plastic cowboy set which broke as soon as you put it on and various other junk. My Mum still has lego that belonged to my brother and I , its 30 years old and still fantastic. If only they would listen, it seems such a waste that so much of it ends up in the recycling bin afetr a few days.

vncenvano · 31/10/2011 20:30

they want vouchers? Get them book tokens.

a. you can't have too many books
b. the parents cannot spend book tokens on designer clothes
c. kids can choose something really special
d. see a.

Mollydoggerson · 31/10/2011 20:38

Can I make a su66estion.

Buy the kids:
Bubbles
A schleich toy animal.
A book

Leave it at that.

I'm sick of toys, I am also sick of clothes, children 6et waaay too much stuff. Somethin small is all that is needed.

My 3 year old loves my set of BBC1 6oodfood cookery books, they come in a small box set. Somethin6 like that is plenty.

SoupDragon · 31/10/2011 20:50

"a. you can't have too many books"

Actually, yes you can.

Fixture · 31/10/2011 20:54

Too many books? [hshock] Well surely some could be given to charity if they are really no use any more. And then you can enjoy the new ones :)

exoticfruits · 31/10/2011 22:07

You can not have too many books-it is an impossibility!
I give them vouchers when they are older, but I am not giving them for the parent to spend. You can't tell me that a 4 yr old and a 2 year old are going to get what they want with it-it will be heavily influenced by what the parent wants to get them.

mercibucket · 31/10/2011 22:13

books books books books

how can you have too many books??? well yes, to be fair, we are running out of shelf space and the attic has as many as seems safe, but really . . .

randomness · 31/10/2011 22:40

You can't have too many books if you've chosen them yourself (yay for Book Tokens Grin )

You can have too many books if someone buys random massive boxed sets because they make a cheap impressive-looking present like my sodding sister who hates me and wants me to live in an overcrowded hovel

mercibucket · 31/10/2011 22:47

well yes, take your point, you can also have too many books if they're all the rainbow sodding fairies