to be fed up of always feeling poor even though my husband earns above the national average?

[alwayspoor]

I am a SAHM, live in east anglia. HOuse prices are massive, we have a house up north that we can't sell (need to be near London for DHs job) and a mortgage. We've got 3 dc's. Struggling to by decent food on top of all the bills.

I would not be surprised, as I have noticed prices vary between Sainsbury branches..... (Just spent half term outside london)

what a funny thread. One person earning over the national average supporting 5 is hardly lording it is it? YANBU. I am not certain what the national average is but earn well over it, so does my husband and we are ALWAYS poor. Its nice to have money, removes stress. Adds choices.

Although YABU because east anglia ain't expensive. It is on one salary though.

fixture yes, it's true - common knowledge I thought.

I don't think food/clothes etc are any different but there are massive discrepancies in housing costs, transport & childcare (IMO based on personal experience of Manchester, London & Kent!).

Thanks swanky thats a really good idea and something I think I'd be good at.

OP - you have my sympathies - do rent the house out for now - we paid the costs out of the first months rent - we made a similar move up north to east anglia -had a few months running both houses and it cost loads and loads - and my experience in east anglia is that house prices it really really depends where -so when the time comes to buy you may have to look a bit wider
You are going to budget places like Aldi- makes a massive difference and there was a 30 pound a week meal planner going round here which I think is really good
re work - there are opitions - party plan maybe?

Well our bills and council tax are probably lower than a lot of people's here because we rent a small two-bed flat. The bills are definitely not more than £200 per month, and the council tax is £120, band B. People just have different expectations. I'm happy living in a small flat, some people expect to live in a 3-4 bed house with a garden.

And I don't expect to live on savings forever. It's calculated to last us until next year. We have what we need and can afford to buy bedlinen or whatever is needed. Next year DH will go to work.

I don't think I'm smug, I'm happy with what I have.

And I think the nation will actually benefit from having its spending reigned in a bit. People expect to be able to spend freely as they did before. Attitudes need to be adjusted.

Hope your DH finds a job as its soooo easy Marianne or prehaps reality will bite you on the arse?

No sympathy. I realise being poor is relative, and you may feel skint, but in real terms you're actually very well off. How you feel about that might be a problem, but in reality you don't have a huge problem from the sound of it.

What did you think was going to happen when you move to one of the country's most expensive areas, you don't work, have three children to pay for, and your DH is supporting the household on one income, even if (admittedly) it's above the national average?

Not exactly rocket science to figure out how much finances will be stretched, is it?

Oh yes I spend freely, always getting my hair nails done, loads of new clothes, out every weekend, oh sorry I was dreaming.

Doublechoc - my DH was forced to move by his employer from working up north to London. It costs hundreds of pounds every month on train fares for him to get there from Lancashire and rent a room. He was paying a £1k a month, not rocket science is it?

Fixture, yes, some chains of shops do price things differently in different stores and by that I mean they lower the prices in less affluent areas and raise them in more affluent ones. The same with fuel I've noticed too. More difficult to be certain with clothes I agree, but I have my suspicions about that one too. Perhaps another poster can confirm or not.

The problem is threads like this is we all fear going bust so the (often mistaken) realisation from some posters that they handle their money better than others makes them feel smug and warm inside and removes all sympathy from those who don't cope the way they do, or have different life circumstances or expectations.
You can't ask strangers about thinsg like this without also risking that backlash. Lucky many people are mature enough to realise that their situation and outlook can't be applied to the whole population and will offer helpful suggestions or sympathy. You may as well ignore everyone else, theres nothing you can do about them.

I think groceries are more expensive down here.

Food costs definitely vary from one area to another. I think clothing not so much, largely due to online shopping making location irrelevant.

I think supermarkets do price some of their goods according to how wealthy they perceive their customers in each region to be.

Then your husband's move was economically unviable. If you cannot sustain it, there must have been alternative options than the one taken. Arrange working from home for some periods? Look for another job? These things are not outside your control.

Re the spending freely bit, I didn't mean specifically you OP, but in general. Can you deny that there are lots of people who are accustomed to spending freely and are aggrieved because cheap credit is no longer available?

A poster asked how we could afford a new sofa if we needed one. But that's just it: we don't need or want a new sofa! When people "need" a new sofa is it because the old one has broken or because they WANT a new one? We bought our sofa suite a couple of years ago from ebay for £50 and it's a gorgeous, solid furniture suite that will last.

And insurance - sorry to sound naive but what insurance would we need in a rented flat? I guess we have a bit of a laissez faire attitude to some things...

Also, as to all this wailing about how expensive it is in certain areas - you do realise that expensive areas of London has cleaners, and shelf stackers, and call centre employees on NMW, right? Your DH is not the only one feeling the pinch when it comes to daily life amongst richer human beings

OP I am so sorry you are getting such a hard time. I think it is very undeserved. Once the house up North has sold things will be more secure. I hope that is soon.. Obviously I don't know your figures but it may be worth working out how much if at all you can afford to drop the price for a sale. Taking into account how much your mortgage payments will be if you don't.

Also, renting your place out in the north and continuing to rent in the south would release the burden of paying 2 lots of housing costs (very few people can afford 2 lots, that's really what's biting, isn't it?).

I honestly couldn't imagine suriving on what we get in each month if on top of that I had to pay a second mortgage/rent.

oh and if havn't done it you should get exception for council tax and change from monthyl DD to quartly bills for the house up north so basically you are just paying water and mortage - you could also look at going interest only on your mortgage as well

Marianne - surely you have your possessions insured?

Groceries probably are more expensive down South but then salaries are higher too.

I do understand that it is all relative, we definitely bring in way above the national average salary but I've spent the whole morning learning how to use ebay and as one poster said brilliantly up a bit 'ebaying anything that moves' as we are finding things very tricky right now. Outgoings definitely exceed income but that is because we haven't managed things properly and were yes living on the coat tails of a previous existance, very sobering.

We used to spend without giving it too much consideration but now I'm wondering how the hell we are going to finance Christmas. I hate the worry.