to be fed up of always feeling poor even though my husband earns above the national average?

[alwayspoor]

I am a SAHM, live in east anglia. HOuse prices are massive, we have a house up north that we can't sell (need to be near London for DHs job) and a mortgage. We've got 3 dc's. Struggling to by decent food on top of all the bills.

alwayspoor I am lucky enough to be as rich as you we have had to move 400 miles away so that DH could keep his job, we are paying £825 in rent for a 3 bed house and £600 mortgage on our two bed home that we are trying to sell. We did try renting through an agent but the tenant was a bitch from hell slightly difficult and paid no rent for 6 months before finally leaving our home destroyed. It costs us £500 in solicitors fees to have her evicted and another £2000+ to put right the damage that she did.

We have cut back on everything obvious, I have applied for loads of jobs and heard nothing from any of them, working will not be easy with DH working away often and living 400 miles from our support network but I would do anything to try and bring in a bit extra.

Remember though, how lucky you are OP to be in this situation, your DH has a job but you would probably be better off back up North on benefits

Oopslateagain, I was about to say that too! Can't believe how judgemental people are being....

I earn £1805 per month.
Rent £1191.
Bills incl council tax about £200.
Phones altogether £25.
Broadband £21.
Bus about £70 - no pass.
No TV, no insurance.

Plus £134 child benefit (two children).
Probably about £45 tax credits (currently applying).

As said DH has a few thousand saved so after rent and bills we have about £400 each per month for food and anything else.

My husband has already a lot of clothes, I have enough, and the girls have loads (get lots from grandparents).

I'm sure there are many people with less money than us!

What irritates me is that people make choices and then endlessly complain when their choices have an effect on their lives. Having children is a choice. Having three children is a choice. Being a stay at home parent is a choice.

We chose for DH to stay at home for a while and consequently have less money. We chose to have two children knowing that we would have less money as a result. But I don't feel hard done by! I made those choices and I am happy with them, and my life. Smug? Maybe, but I think I smell here a genuine "sense of entitlement" which is so often criticised at MN. Unless you are actually poor (and I don't think the OP is) there is little point in moaning about your life that you have yourself created.

And there are lots of things you can do for free: nice walks in woods, going to museums, going to playgroups etc etc.

Sense of entitlemnebt habloodyha. If I had that I'd tell DH to quit work and claim benefits. Its not a choice for may to be a SAHP, I can't afford the childcare, hello

YANBU. If you can't have a whinge on Mumsnet, where can you? Just remember that you're not alone in this though; loads and loads of us are really feeling the pinch nowadays.

I know rainbow Shit isn't it?

Where I work we just advertised 70 Christmas jobs, several were 8pm to midnight 4 nights a week. I'm in Leeds though, but just saying there are jobs. We usually keep half on after Christmas too.

Is that in retail ruddy?

Yes. A big out of town m & s. Many applicants have been struggling retired people, also sahms looking to supplement household income, also second jobbers and of course students. We don't choose 16yr olds over 60yr olds, everyone earns the same. And everyone gets 20% staff discount from day 1.

I would seriously consider going home with your DCs and your DH renting somewhere v cheap during the week. FAR from ideal but sometimes it's a case of needs must. We had to do that for 5 years until last year and it's hard on all aspects of your relationship but it was something that we knew we needed to do to ride out a tough time. It may mean that the quality time (hate that term but you know what I mean) you all get at the weekend may be much better as it's more appreciated. Your little one must see him rarely as it is if he's gone from 7-7 anyway. We all got used to it in the end and it meant we kept the home we all loved and the children we stable in home and at school. May be worth considering.

Oh and don't laugh, but ebay anything that moves and you don't use!

Ditto.

Everyone is feeling the pinch atm. Whatever your income level is, things are getting more expensive to buy.

My dad used to work away from home a lot. Found that travelodge were always doing some deal or another which worked out way cheaper than b&b or bedsit plus of course not paying for when not there. He used to get 10 quid a night deals, rarely the same one 2 nights in a row mind.

Sorry marianne but I still find your figures unrealistic and it sounds as though you are still riding on the coattails of better times. E.g., your husband's clothes and savings will not last forever. On a serious note, how do you afford new bed linen or a sofa? Crockery gets broken, curtain rails pulled down. 200 a month for ct, GWE? Hmm!

bloody hell marianne £200 on all bills - now I see how you can afford it!! We pay £200 on council tax alone and at least the same again on water, sewage, gas & elec. And do you really not have any insurance? Sorry to harp on at you but I'm genuinely curious where I'm going wrong how you do it?

alwayspoor i suspect many posters who are critising you, have complained in RL about their own lack of money.... but of course now they are having a go at you, they have conveniently forgotten that.....

I totally get what alwayspoor is saying, it's a valid point. My partner and I have a dual income of roughly £55,000 but with living costs and childcare costs we rarely have anything left over for anything frivolous or nights out or anything else. Life is just spenny. BUT on the upside, we are happy and I'm far too knackered to go out anyway! But as an observation it's fair to point out that maybe we shouldn't all be struggling quite so hard with day to day costs. And childcare costs in particular are RIDICULOUS.xx

MarianneM you are getting subsidised by your previously higher income (or lower expenses) when your DH saved his money, bought his clothes & the GP are subsidising you as well.

(and i doubt the GPs help with clothes & nothing else.)

well done - but i dont think you are telling the whole story. by your won figures its 3 people living on £7k per year (after rent, council tax, utiltiy bills)....

Just found out what the nat average is

DH and I both earn less But between us I still feel we earn a shedload. And it is a lot compared with a few years back when DH was a builder. But not a great deal to show for it when you think we both work.

MarianneM I hope your smugness does not come back and slap you across the face with a wet kipper one day. I sincerley hope that:

Your employer does not decided that your job is 400 miles away and you have to fund the move to a much more expensive area, as £400 a month just won't cover it

I hope that you never have to face the choice between the above or taking job with a salary £600 a month less than you are currently receiving it

I hope that your daughters generous grandparents do not decided to stop subsidising their clothing, especially in the months when they need new coats and shoes.

Yes, people make life choices, but they make them on their circumstances at the time, not on a recession that they could not see coming. I was as ignorant as you when this all kicked off I couldn't see how our family would be affected by the recession but fuck me sideways it bloody well has so you can stick your percived sense of entitlement up your arse and hope it never happens to you

work from home - I do, while 15mo naps at lunch. If he doesn't nap, in the evening. Good luck.

Hear hear Bree

MarianneM I actually didn't choose to be a SAHM. I returned to work and was made redundant. We then got stuck in this situation where I couldn't find a job to fit around DH's long hours (another poor bloke breaking his back to keep his his job and keep his family afloat) BUT I chose not to sign on and become a jobseeker. What is the point in putting more strain on the state?

I do actually know quite a few SAHMs who have either been made redundant and are SAHMs-by-default or were forced to quit their jobs because the childcare costs/logistics made it impossible to stay in their jobs.

We were much better off when I was working too, but DH earning less and working longer hours. Given the choice I'd still be in my old job.

OP, 'tis truly shit.

Zumm working from home is great if your job allows & your child is still napping but once sleep is out of the window & LO realises that mummy on the laptop/phone means no attention but if make lots of noise & you get some attention, then it's not quite so straightforward

alwayspoor, I don't think you come across as entitled at all in your posts.

Have you thought about looking into care work? Care homes are very often crying out for staff members and as such will fit in around the hours you can work. They might accommodate you for example doing an 8pm - 2am shift, or weekends, or nights at weekends, or whatever would best suit your circumstances. Definitely worth looking into.

Megatron speaks sense.

I know a fair few people who do this.

Your dh could rent something cheap, get reduced rate council tax, have reduced bills and outgoings in a smaller place.

My friend does this. She lives in a bedsit during the week, and spend the weekends at home with her dh and their 3 kids.

You will have your friends, family and support network around.

Are you saying that the same jumper/box of biscuits will be on sale for a higher price in a London branch of M&S than elsewhere in the country? [hhmm]

"food, fuel and clothes etc are priced higher there too"