to be fed up of always feeling poor even though my husband earns above the national average?

[alwayspoor]

I am a SAHM, live in east anglia. HOuse prices are massive, we have a house up north that we can't sell (need to be near London for DHs job) and a mortgage. We've got 3 dc's. Struggling to by decent food on top of all the bills.

OP sounds overstretched due to the financial crisis - i can sympathise. i earn a good wage, but after childcare, mortgage etc, there's little left at the end of the month.

then again - there was the woman who posted in property several months ago with a close to million pound budget to buy a house, and who complained that it wouldn't buy "much of a garden" between the commons in south london - that post has stayed with me. please DO hand me the world's smallest violin for that person.

MarianneM - you're very lucky that you live in London and so don't need a car, although I guess that's offset by expensive rent or mortgage. I'm with you on the big TV thing and I won't believe anyone who says they're really poor and yet has more than one TV, iPod, iPhone or any of that stuff. Although that does depend, of course, on whether they fell on hard times after acquiring said stuff.

I can't agree with you on insurance. I don't think you can take the risk personally. From our pov, if we lost everything we couldn't afford to replace it. That's reason enough to make sure we're insured.

Microserf, I wouldn't come on here and say what that woman said about not much of a garden for £1 million between the commons in South London but literally in that location for about a million you would get a three bed terrace house with a loft conversion, probably reasonably modernised and may be a 30-50 foot garden. My mother constantly makes nasty comments about our shitty lifestyle because where she lives our house would make about £250,000 and it wouldn't be what anyone she knows would aspire to.

I feel sympathy for the OP because she is in a fix, just as I feel sympathy for any MNer who is in a fix.

If we were all free and without ties to particular areas then life would be simpler, as we could move to where the housing costs matched our income. But it is not as simple as all that. We may gain a tie to a particular area during times when our circumstances are good - a job, a school place, a child settled in childcare - then when times are less good we find that we can not be as flexible as the housing market or employment market dictate. I do actually know a family living 'between the commons' in just such a situation and, truly, things are tight for them. Because not everything is about economics. Yes, the economic decision would be for the OP to move back north, yet the over-riding factor is for the family to remain together. What price the family staying together, their marriage remaining strong, their children having daily contact with their father?

OP, do some searches on the self-employment board as there are some good ideas on there. Another good one might be to work for an estate agent, as they often want car-drivers to show people around properties on a Saturday or Sunday.

Marianne, we have pipes in our tiny attic and recently one sprung a leak and caused serious damage to the whole of our upstairs - walls, flooring etc. Your landlord would cover that, but I was told by my insurance that I had to submit 2 claims, one for buildings damage and one for contents damage (presumably so they can charge us for 2 excess payments). It really is worth you getting a small contents insurance policy (which is quite cheap if you don't have to have buildings insurance as well), because replacing possessions really does add up.

The insurance was also handy when my laptop got covered in juice (which is easily done in a house with dc).

I've had similar vibes from my MIL when we were living in London a while ago - couldn't grasp that we would choose to live anywhere without at least 100 ft of garden and a garage. Think what irked her most was the lack of a wheelie bin . 'Twas between the Commons, btw.
And I would say that the poster speculating on what a mill would buy probably had reason to be wanting to stay there - presumably her DCs attend one of the excellent state schools there, she and/or DH work in town and living there means they can be at Victoria station in 10 mins, plus she has lovely shops/restaurants/cages within easy walking distance < heaves wistful sigh >.
But the point is, okay she's better off than the op and a lot of others on this thread - doesn't mean she has heaps of disposable income after paying for the modest £1m gaff.

I'm just not sure why the OP is particularly worthy of sympathy, when so many people are struggling equally in the current economic situation . The story just doesn't sound extraordinarly bad or unusual to me I'm afraid.

"But otherwise, what is your point exactly? They are where they are and they're struggling."

You could say that about pretty much every poster on MN, barring the extreme cases. Everyone's entitled to offload - hell I do it often enough on here. If you don't feel like sympathising there's no need to read the thread and certainly no obligation to comment having done so.

And I'm sure the reason the thread has gone on so long is because so many Mumsnetters have revealed their nasty, spiteful selves leading others to defend the poor OP who is simply voicing perfectly reasonable frustrations and fears for the future.

Unfortunately there are far too many people on here who delight in kicking others when they're down, then sticking the knife in and giving it a good twist. Makes me realise why I stayed away for so long. If it wasn't for bloody Gadaffi getting killed I wouldn't have got drawn back in.

I think that sounds a bit mean fixture. In most circumstances there will be someone worse of in some way or another. That doesn't mean whatever stressful situation someone is suffering from is any less real or stressful to them at the time they are going through it. It's not as if the OP is complaining she has to go to a 4star instead of a 5star hotel or something ridiculous like that. To me her situation does sound stressful. She has my sympathy and I really hope the house sells soon and things get better.

Sounds to me like they are working hard and trying their best with what is available to them atm and that is all you can ask of anybody. They could have easily chosen not to work but haven't and are trying to keep working in this climate good on them.

If that is aimed at me, then I was making the point that it is the nature of her situation (limited options, some aspects beyond her control) that makes me feel sympathy for her, rather than the exact level of her income.

I like MN, but I do despair at some of the hostility on here at times as seen by some of the posts on the early part of this thread. There seems to be an automatic trend towards a negative and hostile analysis of anyone's thread or situation.

Plus the presence of those whom I have named in my head as the 'piece o' coal' MNers. They don't have anything and never had anything, never did anything, went anywhere, had any help with their children, never complained about anything and were grateful for their piece of coal once a year.

I only got through the first few pages of this post and then skipped to the end where I'm so happy to see that the OP is having a more sympathetic response. For those that made such caustic comments along the lines of "world's smallest violin", I just hope that should you ever need some help from MN that other people are kinder to you than you were to the OP. Maybe your problems would seem petty and insignificant to others but I think if that's the case it is better to say nothing at all than something just to be "funny" (cruel).

"If you don't feel like sympathising there's no need to read the thread"

Since when did AIBU consist only of people sympathising?

Is it not more the point of how much do you have to earn before you can live a decent more worry free life. The OP's husband earns above the MNW but they are still struggling (ok, they still have the house to pay for oop north). Surely, it's bad when so many people are really having it tough when they shouldn't be.

I thought some grocery prices got more expensive the further north you go due to the cost of getting them up there.

Branching out "Piece o' coal MNers" - Love it.

Yes, there does seem to bit of nastiness about at the moment, it comes and goes. There's been some hilarious smuggery too, which counterbalances it.

marianne What job guarantees employment?

Fixture I'll say it again, my DH was forced by the company he works for to relocate, it was not a choice, a new job etc. Either he moved or became unemployed.

Prison officer?

Ugh fire or flood? 200 quid to replace make-up easily. A tender just for shampoo, cond, talc and deodorant. You don't get 3 quid bras for my norks.

Never mind basic replacements of everything the children use in a day.

What if marianne needed to move flat? How would she fund her deposit? Moving van/van rental?

Prison officer -is it Marianne?

What's this between the commons business? Something people who haven't lived in London very long make up to boast about where they live? There are some properly shitty place "between the commons". Is it like the "I won't love outside zone 2" business?

Things will be fine once the house sells. Why hasn't it sold yet? Can you get a "bridging loan"?

Don't know fixture Its been on the market for nearly 2 years, been decorated throughout but has had squatter problems. I guess lots of people don't have deposits now?

I don't think we would risk a bridging loan, we could be in even more dire straights?

I discussed it with DH last night, we are giving it 1 more month to sell then we are preparing it to rent ( have started process already actually)