to be fed up of always feeling poor even though my husband earns above the national average?

[alwayspoor]

I am a SAHM, live in east anglia. HOuse prices are massive, we have a house up north that we can't sell (need to be near London for DHs job) and a mortgage. We've got 3 dc's. Struggling to by decent food on top of all the bills.

Zephirine - we pay £1191 pcm in rent, I take the bus to work. Ok, so my DH has a little money saved which helps us manage. We are applying for tax credits and child benefit, will probably get some tax credits, maybe £45 a month or so plus child benefit.

What I was thinking was that people should really assess their spending habits and question what is really essential if they are struggling for money. One reason why I don't feel poor is that we don't spend on much other than food - and we manage to eat well, have wine etc.

Long commutes cost a lot of money, either by public transport or by running a car. I would also ask if the OP has considered living nearer her DH's work so his commute costs would be less. Also, people spend vast amounts on fancy phones (and upgrading them every year) and other gadgetry that is considered essential these days.

I think people buy more clothes than they need, with most of the clothes never even worn.

But OP should clearly try to sell the house or find a tenant!

Thanks again to the posters who have been supportive.

The old chesnut get a job when DD gets her free nursery place, ok then, it would need to be school hours otherwise I'd have 2 lots of wrap around care and topping up nursery fees. As I said I'm thinking of a saturday job, possibley evenings (although Dh does not normally get home until 7, sometimes is delayed by public transport etc and works away occassionally.) I also think that three children, the youngest being 2 is a lot for him to handle after a 12 hour day.

The poster who is on £30k and lives in London and doesn't feel poor. Good for you. Prehaps you culd enlighten me and do you have a mortage as well as rent to pay?

mumbling so we should be penalised for owning a home which currently we are aelling for 30k less than we paid for it.

Moving back up north doesn't feel like an option (although good suggestion), 1.Children are now settled in school 2.DH did rent a room for 6 months before we moved here, which cost bloody loads in rent and train fares (£100+ a week for the train alone) 3.DH was becoming very depressed about not seeing his family 4.I became very ill while he worked away and have no family to help (nearby at least)

Dh would love to work from home but he is not allowed.

*we are bloody trying to sell the house, been on market for nearly 2 years.

Do you have any skills that you could market online?
I've done this in a minimal sort of way, and depending how clued up you are, it can make you a bit of money without going out to work (rarely enough to be taxed on though).

marianne I'm afraid your sums don't add up, 1200 on rent plus 180 (?) On council tax, 120 (GWE), 20 contents insurance, 15 phone, 10 tv license, 20 cable/broadband, 75 bus pass... Let's see, that's 1530 out of a take home of 1800 (?) And I think my estimates were low and we've not even talked clothing or food yet.

Yet bizarrely you claim not to feel 'poor'? Value beans would make me feel poor.

I feel a lot of sympathy for you, OP. Not sure that I can add much to the helpful suggestions that you've received about things you might be able to do to improve you situation. Some parts of the country are very expensive to live in, not just because of housing prices, but because food, fuel and clothes etc are priced higher there too. Hopefully, things will improve in the longer- term.

Sorry to hear the kicking you've received and fwiw I don't think it's deserved. As far as I'm concerned mn is the place to talk about things that you might not want to express in rl but, if you've been around mn as long as I have, you'd know that complaining about lack of money when you dh earns above the minimum wage or grumbling about your dh when he hasn't cheated on you always get a lot of spiteful responses. I suspect that envy plays a large part in this.

Marianne, smug much? I have three children not one. I don't want to uproot my DC again. I haven't bought clothes for ages and ages, have a pretty low budget for food, hardly go out etc etc

laprune I'm all ears, I don't know really if I have any skills I could sell on line but interested to hear more.

Oh laprune I could sell my body but nobody would want to see that

I think some people are being terribly mean here. OP please don't go - look at some of the 'budget' threads and hang around with some of the PARD threads (polite and reasonable discourse)

Phone sex chatline? I've always fancied sitting in my curlers and dressing gown telling some perve that I'm a luscious 19 year old with insatiable carnal cravings

Gallow You might be on to something there.

That does sound tight, Marianne. (AlpinePony you forgot water, electricity and gas). How on earth do you manage to pay the bills, even without a phone contract or new clothes?

give up trying to sell your northern house. Get on to a couple of letting agents today, get it rented out, what ever you get will make things easier for you.

Now your DCs are settled in schools, could you move to slightly further away from the school to a cheaper rental? Round us, rent prices are a lot lower the further you get away from the good schools.

Be ruthless in everything you've got going out of your accounts, any double insurances? (for example, lots of people have insurance on their glasses, however most home contents insurances cover them).

alwayspoor last post.

I am SAHM too and DP works really long hours & sometimes weekends so any job for me would have to be school hours or home-based. They are few & far between really.

Good idea GalloweesG

lydia I probably would have it rented out by now but DH is stubborn is holding out to sell so we can buy down here although we have not got a deposit. I think may need to put my foot down on this one.

Alwayspoor I feel for you, and am in the same position, I live in a London suburb, clear over £1700 a month, DH works too and clears about £330 a week, yet we are far from 'flush' with money.

Mortgage, commuting into London, utility and food bills plus childcare wipe out the vast proportion of our wages :(

I have recently made a few small savings (that add up and make a difference to the monthly budget) such as an annual season ticket (interest free loan from my work) saves me £33 per month, switching from Sky to Virgin (for a better package) saved me another £20 a month, I also changed my phone tariff as I just was not using all the minutes etc my plan gave me, so saved another £5 per month there. So £58 per month, actually makes a big difference when you consider a weekly shop for us averages at £70 a week.

We have also started shopping around a bit more for food, fruit and veg from our local market is so much cheaper than the supermarket, as well as meat from our local 'meat express' butcher, the quality is so much better too.

Also look at difference with train fares vs parking charges for a station further up the line for your DH - my BIL would have to drive to the station and pay to park anyway, he discovered after 18 months of doing this that the next station up the line was a different zone, saved him £80 a month in train fares, the parking was about the same price and even allowing for an extra 15 minute drive, he's still up on the deal. That said, your DH has a hellishly long day anyway, I don't suppose he'd want to be adding to the day...

Dh has an annual pass so stuck with it for now, it does save him though (he too got a loan from work)

have you looked at "Let to buy" mortgages? I know someone who's done that - they linked the mortgage on their old flat to their new house mortgage (after not being able to sell the flat), it basically is a mortgage on 2 properties with the equity in the first being used to be the deposit/security on the second. Not sure how many places are doing it, worth looking into if you can rent.

Lydia I'll look into that although two mortgages sounds scarey. But then so is rent and a mortgage.

The mortgage assumes the first property is rented, obviously.

Also, you can return/amend annual passes. It's a bit of a faff though... (people tend to do it when they move jobs and have to pay back the season ticket loan from one then start with the new company and take out another one)

Marianne do please come back & share your secret to feeling flush on £30k with a nearly £1200pm rent . I earn more than that & our mortgage is less and I feel poor. We might have (just about) enough to pay the bills but there's certainly no surplus for clothes, presents etc and god forbid something happens like our boiler breaks or the roof springs a leak as we can't call on a landlord to fix it

OP you really have my sympathies it sounds like a bloody difficult situation & whether you're earning £20k or £50k if you're outgoings exceed your income with no obvious means of redressing the balance then it's shit. I know from (DHs) experience that 'getting a little part time job' is no mean feat especially when you have young children & a partner who works long /unpredictable hours and you really need something you can do from home. Ironing? Child-minding?

Blimey it must be Halloween, the witches are out...

OP it sounds like a horrible situation. We are only just starting to get back on our feet, we had to move a few years back and take a £20,000 loss on our house. We got a loan to cover it and had to rent for years, only managed to scrimp and save enough to buy a house a couple of years ago (a tiny mid-terrace). We are in East Anglia too, house prices are crazy expensive.

We are still paying off the original loan, yes DH earns good money NOW but we hardly see any of it! We have just started to make inroads on the capital of the loan instead of just paying the interest. So we are in the same sort of situation - DH is earning good money but we are always skint as everything is going on bills.

Sorry I don't have any constructive advice, except to hang in there - eventually you will sell your house, or rent it, and things will start to look up. I hope you have made some new friends and aren't trying to muddle through on your own?

OP I agree with you and don't know why people are being nasty.

We moved from Wales to outskirts of London supposedly for DH's career. We rent out our old house, which is negative equity but the rent still doesn't quite cover the mortgage. He earns a lot more than her ever did and I have just gone back part time. However, after childcare and travel costs I barely make any money. We pay out over 400 a month on train fares between us! We are renting here, and the rent is a lot higher than our mortgage in Wales, so that is an additional expense too. Plus we just had to shell out for a new boiler. We also have several debts mainly from doing up the money pit house in Wales before we decided to move.

On the plus side we now live in a lovely area, the kids are very happy and we are both doing well in our careers. On the down side we have absolutely no money at the end of the month, no savings and are both permanently knackered from commuting. We haven't a hope in hell of ever buying a house in this area and we seem to be surrounded by people who are very well off, making us feel even more skint! I feel like we must have done something wrong along the line- probably buying a house in the wrong area at the wrong time.

OP, if you can I would rent your house out and forget trying to sell. The bank gave us a 'consent to lease' mortgage on a fixed rate for 3 years, if that's any help.