Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

paying for friends second hand clothes

106 replies

olliesmom · 29/10/2011 15:42

I always give my children's old clothes to charity or pass them onto friends who have children. One friend has just come round with some clothes she thought that I might like for my new baby, I was getting excited and started searching through the bags but then she started asking for £10 a bag. AIBU in feeling upset about this or am I silly for all these years giving my clothes away when I could of been making some money??

OP posts:

worraliberty · 29/10/2011 15:44

You're not silly for giving yours away because that's what you wanted to do (I've always done the same)

However, a lot of people sell them on and buy their kids something with the money they get.

No right or wrong in this...though you're friend could perhaps have mentioned she wanted money before bringing the clothes around to save any embarrassment.

DeepPurple · 29/10/2011 15:44

She should have called you and said she had some clothes and would you like them as she was looking for £10 a bag. That way you could have turned her down easier.

I've always given stuff away.

Sirzy · 29/10/2011 15:44

They are her clothes so if she wants to sell them rather than give them away that's there choice, in the same way it's your choice if you pay it not.

Perhaps she needs to money to pay for more clothes?

Sparklingbrook · 29/10/2011 15:44

I wouldn't dream of charging friends when I pass on clothes. She should have put them on E-bay or whatever if she wanted to make some cash. Did you buy them?

Sirzy · 29/10/2011 15:47

Whenever friends offer me Clothes for Ds I always ask what she wants for them, I certainly wouldn't assume they were free

SuePurblybiltFromBitsofCorpses · 29/10/2011 15:49

I know someone who does this - she says 'oh, I've some clothes for you', drops round the bags and then asks for the money she thinks she would have got on Ebay. She's backed lots of people into paying up that way.

If you offer things - they're free. If you're about to Ebay something and someone asks for it, charge them if you like. People are so odd.

Original poster

olliesmom · 29/10/2011 15:54

I did end up giving her £20 but it has made feel feel very uncomfortable, I just don't understand how anyone can charge but then maybe that's why she is well of and I am not, she is a business woman so maybe she think different to me.....

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 29/10/2011 15:54

That's awful! If you offer clothes you don't then ask for payment, good grief!

Sparklingbrook · 29/10/2011 16:00

The way I see it is that I bought the clothes originally, my sons wore them so they served their purpose for me. Then I give them to my friends and it's a bonus they can be worn again. I understand totally that you feel uncomfortable olliesmum.

valiumredhead · 29/10/2011 16:02

Very different if the friend had rung the OP up first and said "I have some clothes I am selling in e bay, thought I would give you first refusal."

ImperialBlether · 29/10/2011 16:05

Yes, what valiumredhead said.

Have you ever given her clothes? I think then it would be unreasonable for her to charge you.

And yes, that's why she's well off!

pigletmania · 29/10/2011 16:06

Olliesmom that is too bad . The friend should have said upfront, that she had some clothes that she wanted to SELL and would you be interested. That is fine if you want money for your clothes, but people should be honest and upfront, and not sneaky about it.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 29/10/2011 16:07

That's rather sly behaviour on her part in my opinion!

No way would I have parted with any money in this situation. She should have text or called you and asked if you were interested in some second hand clothes at a good price. Not told you she had some clothes for you, let you look through them excitedly and then charged you!

Sometimes I have sold clothes (on ebay or carboot - not charging my friends!), other times I have passed them on for free or taken them to a charity shop I support. As others have said it's up to her if she'd rather sell them, the way she went about it though is a bit underhand IMO.

pigletmania · 29/10/2011 16:07

I would give my dd 4.5 baby clothes away as they are not in fantastic condition, and I would be asking for money.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 29/10/2011 16:10

I give lots of dd stuff away, and ebay a bit of the better stuff (so i can buy her more off ebay). I agree with piglet she should of been upfront.

There ya go courses for horses and all that OP.Don't dwell.

Appuskidu · 29/10/2011 16:16

I'd have given her the bags back and said no thanks!

She's taking the piss and trying to save herself the hassle of Ebaying them!

LeoTheLateBloomer · 29/10/2011 16:18

I gave my friend a load of fish in exchange for 3 bin liners full. I got a darn good deal

ThePathanKhansWitch · 29/10/2011 16:39

@ Leo fish for food!

As an aside OP, i give my dd clothes to a really good friends sister, she takes

them, and is apparently delighted with them, however i have never had a

thankyou from her. I just remember that they're for her adorable dd

and not for her. Nowt as strange as folk.

Squitch · 29/10/2011 16:45

My sister had some baby clothes from an ex-friend years and years ago. When she didnt return them (never occured to me for one minute that she would have expected them back) she never spoke to me again. 25 years of friendship gone and still snide comments on mutual friends FB's about me being a thief. (yes yes I know, there must have been more to it than that - but i honestly have no idea what). I NEVER accept anything from anyone anymore though. A woman at my DD's dancing offered her a bag of dressing up clothes today (which were really lovely) and I turned them down. Broke my heart when my ex friend refused to speak to me anymore. Still makes me feel slightly sick when I think about it. Shame really, I give all my dd's outgrown stuff away, to neighbours/friends. If I don't want to give it away I don't offer it.

valiumredhead · 29/10/2011 16:48

Something similar happened to me squitch - I was given a sling by a friend, I had NO idea that the done thing was to hand stuff back to the person once you had finished with it, so I gave it to someone else!

No I always say - do you want this back when I am done or shall I pass it on?

ThePathanKhansWitch · 29/10/2011 16:49

leo meant fish for clothes!

ThePathanKhansWitch · 29/10/2011 16:52

Squitch and Valium, people are so strange! Thats mad, if something was so precious to me, or i knew i was going to have another dc in the near future i wouldn't give it away.

It's like a parallel universe isn't it?

Squitch · 29/10/2011 16:54

ThePathanKhansWitch it sure is - nowt as queer as folk and all that. I didn't even bloody 'borrow' them either, she 'gave' them to my sister. (can you tell that even 10 years later I'm still not really over this - ha )

soandsosmummy · 29/10/2011 16:55

Happened to me as well. A friend brought in a couple of blouses she thought I'd like as she'd lost a lot of weight and no longer needed them. When I said they were perfect and thanked her she said - they're £5 each so that's a tenner please. Very embarrassing as I was skint at the time. YANBU she should have said up front

valiumredhead · 29/10/2011 16:55

I was given LOADS of stuff, I mean bags and BAGS, and I was really grateful, then suddenly people started asking for stuff back as they knew friends who were having new babies, I really was taken aback, I had NO idea you were meant to offer stuff back! I remember dh saying ' Is this a parent thing we know nothing about, wtf is going on?'

Flip

1 2 3 4 5