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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

paying for friends second hand clothes

106 replies

olliesmom · 29/10/2011 15:42

I always give my children's old clothes to charity or pass them onto friends who have children. One friend has just come round with some clothes she thought that I might like for my new baby, I was getting excited and started searching through the bags but then she started asking for £10 a bag. AIBU in feeling upset about this or am I silly for all these years giving my clothes away when I could of been making some money??

OP posts:

tobyrat · 29/10/2011 19:38

I think your friend's behaviour is disgraceful.

If you want to sell baby clothes, you sell them on eBay or wherever you choose. You could sell them to a friend if you said to friend "I am selling some baby clothes, do you want to look and see if you would like to buy any" - ie be totally upfront. Even then, some people would still perceive this as pretty rude between friends.

What your friend did was to come round, appearing to offer you her old baby clothes which you accepted. Then she unexpectedly wanted payment and relied on you being too embarrassed to refuse.

That is manipulative and nasty. I would permanently drop her over this. Not because of the £20, but because of the manipulative way she tricked you.

You have not been silly giving your clothes away in the past. I have given plenty to friends/relatives (for free!) but have sold some items on eBay as well.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 29/10/2011 19:43

we have had a tradition among my mum friends for our second pregnancies, one mum bought tons of gorgeous clothes, they went to the next mum then came to me and in a month will go to another...

foreverondiet · 29/10/2011 19:45

Am quite shocked / surprised like this - I give clothes to friends and accept clothes, would thing it very very odd if anyone asked for money.

If this happened to me, I'd probably just say no thanks.

NinkyNonker · 29/10/2011 19:47

In fairness a sling is very different to clothes as they can be used again and again and again and can be pricey, a friend has one of mine at the mo and I'd be horrified if she just gave it Ro someone else without checking. Same as a buggy or something. Clothes are different as they have a definite shelf life and aren't a practical item. I don't think she is necessarily unreasonable wanting to sell them if they were in good condition, though it isn't something I would do myself...as long as she was honest. If anyone offered me a bag of clothes I'd always ask what they wanted for them...I'd expect them to say nothing, or buy a coffee or similar but if they asked for £10 and they were nice clothes in good condition I wouldn't be too peturbed.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 29/10/2011 19:48

I have a friend who has passed on loads of wonderful clothes for my ds. I always give her a bottle of wine and box of chocs per bag. And I return them to her when he has outgrown them, too, incase she can pass them on/charity shop them. Works well for us.

lovechoc · 29/10/2011 19:50

There's a saying that one mum I know uses - "Give to the needy not the greedy."

scottishmummy · 29/10/2011 19:54

she put you in a akward position,by all means she could sell but should have been clearer that was her intention. I give my stuff to health visitor for clients

NinkyNonker · 29/10/2011 19:57

Yes, I gave a few bags of mine, a load of newborn nappies etc to the health visitor...she said she knew a few mothers who could do with them.

MrsBloodyTroll · 29/10/2011 20:01

I take the same approach as JoJo, sell the nice stuff on eBay and then give away the rest to friends or charity shops as appropriate. Did an amazing swap with a friend recently too. She gave me far more clothes than I gave her, I offered her some money but she refused. Will give her some wine, flowers or chocs when I next see her as she has saved me a flippin' fortune!

Anyway, I have also bought maternity clothes from a friend. She was absolutely clear from the outset that these were (lovely) clothes she was otherwise going to sell on eBay, but gave me first refusal.

More recently, a couple of weeks before I gave birth, a newly-pregnant friend said to me "oh goody, I can have all your maternity clothes" as she eyed up the expensive dress I was wearing. I thought it was very cheeky of her to assume I'd be giving the clothes away (I won't be - they're going on eBay!).

Nowt so queer as folk, etc. OP, I think your friend was wrong not to make it clear upfront and give you a chance to say no.

Woodlands · 29/10/2011 20:02

That's so cheeky!

I was surprised once when a friend who had passed on a load of 3-6 months boys' stuff suddenly asked for it back to sell at an NCT sale - I hadn't been expecting that. I went through the outgrown clothes and assembled a selection that was more or less what I thought she'd lent me, but I bet there were some extra things and some bits I'd forgotten! I didn't mind in the slightest but wished I'd known in advance so I could have made a note of which clothes there were.

In my close circle of friends we are all on our first babies and planning to have more, so we are just passing stuff around this close group as and when needed. We have a Moses basket that's just been outgrown by its sixth baby!

BOOareHaunting · 29/10/2011 20:14

I agree with valiumred If you offer clothes then you offer them. If your selling then you say your selling them and would you like a look for a cost of £10/bag.

FearfulYank · 29/10/2011 20:21

I have always passed my DS's outgrown clothes onto my friend. Once she tried to pay me and I said no, so she took me out for coffee. She didn't have to, but insisted as "it's really nice stuff and you would get money for it somewhere else."

Now I do sell it instead of passing it on unless it is something I want to keep for a future DC...then I let her borrow it and she passes it back when she's done. :)

I think your friend should have said so up front, otherwise it's very sly on her part.

saythatagain · 29/10/2011 20:37

I too pass all my dd's clothes onto a friend and would never, ever expect payment for them. In turn, she pops a fiver in dd's birthday card as a thank you. It's all unsaid but all very pleasant!

bigTillyMint · 29/10/2011 20:41

If I am passing on clothes to a friend, I would never dream of asking for or taking anything for them - I am just pleased to see them being used/enjoyed. Same goes for stuff given to charity, obviously.

If she wanted to sell the clothes, she should have asked you first if you would be interested in buying any of her old baby clothes. She put you in a very embarrassing position.

madmomma · 29/10/2011 20:51

I think it's gross to ask a friend for money for stuff you've finished with. If you're skint then sell, but friends should be looking after each other.

travellingyessir · 29/10/2011 20:56

My next door neighbour sells her boys' clothes, but always gives me first call on them before she takes them to a boot sale. It suits me fine, as they are in good condition and more importantly, I know that she wants money for them up front. We do 50p per item so I only take what I want, not a whole bag. I think it is fine as long as you know where you are before the process starts.

NinthWave · 29/10/2011 20:59

I've never asked for money and I've never expected anything back. It's all been foisted upon given away to friends or sent to the charity shop/freecycled.

alemci · 29/10/2011 21:00

I think it was rude and greedy. I always passed stuff on as did other people to me.

Your friend sounds tight and mercenary.

pigletmania · 29/10/2011 21:53

ella I hope that you said no thank you to that grabby person, £30 for a hideous ill fitting M&S dress

EllaDee · 29/10/2011 21:58

Yes, I did say no! But I do wonder if, had it been my size and not-hideous, would I have said yes then been lumbered with the bill?!

Some people are very cheeky.

pigletmania · 29/10/2011 22:01

How rude Ella if you offer someone something you should not expect payment, if you want money for it you have to be honest from the start. I still would have said no, because of the principle and would have told her that if she does not like it, to sell it on e bay. Doubt she would get that much on the bay

pigletmania · 29/10/2011 22:02

Sorry Ella not meaning you are rude just that friend of yours

JamieComeHome · 29/10/2011 22:02

IMO - you give to friends or sell to strangers

JamieComeHome · 29/10/2011 22:03

or give to the charity shop

mjlovesscareypants · 29/10/2011 22:04

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