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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want one, just one, coffee shop, cafe, eating place to be child free?

244 replies

NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 27/10/2011 19:27

AIBU? Really?

All I ask for is that between the hours of 11 and 2 during the week my precious half hour lunch break is not interrupted by my ankles being rammed by a pushchair, or a grubby little urchin throwing food or wailing or just being within a 5 meter radius of me. It's not much. Actually, rewind, can I just ban the ineffectual mums that come with said urchins?

I love kids. I just don't love them between the hours of 8am and 6pm Monday to Friday.

AIBU to just want a small bit of child free/floppy parenting sanctuary?

OP posts:
horMOANSnomore · 27/10/2011 20:10

Now I like a mixture. A balance - of ages, genders, nationalities, abilities - a proper mix of all sorts. As long as they have good manners and behave themselves.

Surely that's the point? Parents allowing their offspring to be noisy and annoying make eating out an unpleasant experience for all. It isn't the children themselves I dislike. Just if they're badly behaved.

RunsWithScissors · 27/10/2011 20:15

Try All Bar One. I know the one in Oxford doesn't allow children.

Original poster
NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 27/10/2011 20:15

Well this is my point horMOANSnomore as I said in my OP it's not so much the kids i object to it's the floppy parenting that comes along with many of them round these parts. I'd have no problem if they sat there eating their lunch and behaving themselves but said floppy parents have usually been there for a couple of hours by lunch time and the kids are screamy and restless.

OP posts:
MuddlingMackem · 27/10/2011 20:17

ouryve

LOL! Yes, in some places Durham city centre is not really all that able bodied friendly either, is it? I don't go there very often, usually the most I see of it is the bus station and the street outside when I change buses to go to the book fair at County Hall. :)

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 27/10/2011 20:18

I am surprisingly adept at zoning out other people's children. In fact, when I hear a wail and it's not one of my own I get an overwhelming rush of relief that it's some other poor sod's problem, nestle down into my seat and carry on with what I'm doing. I highly recommend acquiring the skill. [hsmile]

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 27/10/2011 20:18

I'd far rather sit next to children than a couple of self important twats loudly discussing their ever so important work/sex life/purchases/sleb shite.

KatAndKit · 27/10/2011 20:19

Send the childcatcher out. That should do it.

Children often eat at lunchtime too. Sometimes their parents like to go out to eat at lunchtime. Probably a lot of the kids are not misbehaving, they are just being toddlers. Kids old enough to properly misbehave will be at school. yes they should be under control, but they are messy eaters at that age and babies do cry.

There must be places that are less popular with families? Some grotty old man style pub perhaps?

MenopausalHaze · 27/10/2011 20:20

I agree OP and Confused Hmm Shock @ those who will try to twist anything into a disablist rant. Very boring.

Mishy1234 · 27/10/2011 20:21

YANBU to want some quiet time during your lunch break. Children can be incredibly annoying (mine included) and if the parents don't operate a 'no tolerance' approach to bad behaviour, it can ruin your lunch.

However, that can just as easily apply to some adults. We had lunch at a swanky new bistro place on the opening day. I wasn't really into the idea with a 3yo and 1yo in tow (thought it would be very stressful), but DH was keen and they did have a children's menu. The worst bit was the looks we got when we walked in. As it was, all the tables around us commented at how good the children were (it was a good day). DH had to take the 1yo out a couple of times, which he did at the first squeak. We returned the following week without the children and had our lunch ruined by a loud arse at the next table going on about how much his property was worth!

Anyway, kids in restaurants are fine as long as they are removed if need be.

DogsBeastFiend · 27/10/2011 20:22

Olivetti, do you know, when someone suggested something similar about on another thread (about dog behaviour in public & owner responsibility) there were a quite a few dissenting voices saying that folk shouldn't have to put up with it and that they and theirs were not there to damn well socialise other peoples dogs.

What they feel about dogs I feel about other peoples' children. They should not be allowed to cause inconvenience or an unpleasant environment for the public and the public is not responsible for or guinea pigs for the socialisation process of others' children.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 27/10/2011 20:28

Oh, and for the record OP, you're not being in the slightest bit unreasonable, but there's a massive contingent on MN which asserts children should be welcomed with open arms into every last bastion on earth - and there's no talking sense to them.

Hence my zoning-out skill. Essential, IMO. [hsmile]

Hungrydragon · 27/10/2011 20:30

I have my suspicions that I met a mnetter in a local coffee shop recently.We were at one of the sofa tables and halfway through lunch but as dd was in a highchair we were all on one sofa iyswim, as it was just me, ds (8) and dd (22 month).

A lady asked if she could sit on the empty sofa, I smiled and said of course but she clearly realised I was a bit Confused as quite a few tables were free. She then grinned and said " I just want a coffee and to do some reading. it's not the kids that are bothering me, it's the very Loud parenting". Grin

After I finished sniggering into my soup we continued as before and the lady settled back in a happy oblivion with her paper and coffee.

UABU except for your floppy parenting comment, clearly.

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 27/10/2011 20:33

Agree totally with SOIS about perfecting the zoning-out skill. It comes in very useful [hgrin]

BsshBossh · 27/10/2011 20:37

I don't get it. I find most cafes noisy at lunch time - braying adults being worse than screeching toddlers. If I want peace at lunch time I eat at my desk with headphones or find a quiet corner in a park or go to an expensive-ish restaurant.

YABU

scottishmummy · 27/10/2011 20:37

Yanbu,chose venues with stairs,inacessible to prams
God yes at lunch I don't Want to be surrounded by someone else howling weans.I'm not with my own weans so hell I don't want to be in proximity of anyone else squally weans

rubyrubyruby · 27/10/2011 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointydog · 27/10/2011 20:44

Haven't you learned to just switch off from children when they're about?

I've never had a problem finding a place for lunch. Not that I have ever gone to cafes for lunch on a regular basis.

noddyholder · 27/10/2011 20:44

Zoning out is so useful but when they become teenagers you have to time it exactly right to zone back in again or you get accused of being a shoddy parent!

cat64 · 27/10/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dramatrauma · 27/10/2011 20:48

YABU. And miserable.

DogsBeastFiend · 27/10/2011 20:51

Maybe it depends on where you are, pointydog?

This is just an observation:

A city local to me has, if you have to pigeonhole it, a far higher than average number of what I would describe as middle class liberals. Unfortunately that seems to mean that their collective parenting styles and mine don't mix. There is a lot of little Tarquin being allowed to kick the table - "thump, thump, thump" - throughout a meal or being permitted to wander noisily around the cafe/restaurant, food in hand, going up to other diners and staring/talking at them etc, presumably because liberal mummy thinks that he needs to express himself and that it's unkind to tell PFB off.

noddyholder · 27/10/2011 20:53
Grin
wonkylegs · 27/10/2011 20:54

I can't believe that
A) there is absolutely nowhere that has no kids (I can think of quite a few near us)
B) there is nowhere that hasn't got a fully accessible upstairs .... You must be in the most forward thinking place in the UK . I do disability audits as part of my job and this kind of makes me do them mentally everywhere and absolutely loads of places still have facilities still have non accessible upstairs.
Perhaps you just aren't going to the right places

pointydog · 27/10/2011 20:56

Are we talkign about london then?

And yes, noddy. My teens think I'm gettign dementia. They do not recognise my excellent zoning out skill.

scottishmummy · 27/10/2011 20:57

I avoid mammy and buggy places at lunch.don't like the ambience or vibe.but on other hand it's fair enough parents want a child friendly gaff,if I wasn't at work I'd frequent it too.just feels incompatable when not with my own.and I want to have a good swear or moan which I cant do if someone weans at adjacent table