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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some children are just thick? Why is it so hard to accept?

121 replies

PosiesOfPoison · 27/10/2011 10:09

I love my children dearly and equally, some are more academic than others. One loathes any learning type activity at home, hates work and isn't great at it. He's brilliant in other ways. fabulous on the stage (which makes me think I must be an awful mother for him to crave the adoration of a crowd).

Now I could pop along to an educational psychologist in a bid to find out why he's no good at school or just accept that he's never going to be a grade A student.

So much of me finds it hard to accept that one of my children is not very bright(at school) and I don't really use the word thick in RL it's just a headline grabber!!

So AIBU to spend money on getting him tested or do I accept my lovely boy who would rather stick pins in his eyes will never love school and school type learning?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 27/10/2011 14:01

Some children like adults are academic, and will go to RG unis and take up the professions, whilst others are not so academic and will take up the trades. No biggy look at sir Alan Sugar, Richard Branson, not academic but theyhave done very well for themselves

FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:07

people who get upset at their child not being in the top set should think of those of us whose kids are at schools for children with severe learning difficulties..we cope.

My DD is extremely happy in her school in fact.

PosiesOfPoison · 27/10/2011 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:11

posies..it wasn't addressed at you.

And it wasn't an "SN trump card"

I was just saying that people who get very stressed about their child being in the middle set should think that WORSE things happen, and then might feel better.

FFS I thought you were one of the decent posters and wouldn't come out with a disgusting term like "SN Trump Card"

Or should I refrain from posting on any subject about NT children since my DD doesn't qualify?

Tamoo · 27/10/2011 14:12

'Getting tested' hmm the thing with that is that it draws (negative) attention from the child himself - at 9 he'll know what you're doing, worrying that his intelligence isn't high 'enough'. Could make him feel a bit shit, tbh.

My ds (8yrs) loathes school, does the bare minimum, academically scraping average...I'm expecting either a happy school leaver at 18 or perhaps for a particular subject to catch his interest during high school yrs for which he'll knuckle down because he actually enjoys it and end up in higher ed that way.

I enjoyed school and loved learning but I remember my brother's experience which was horrible, he didn't get into my parents' grammar of choice, they wrote to LEA, complained/campaigned for months, our dad went to see our local MP about it Blush. My bro used to sit on the stairs listening to all this, devastated. There was nothing wrong with his intelligence it was just not academic. Plenty of very bright and successful people didn't function well within a school environment. Bro felt so bad about himself however he did terribly during senior yrs. He now has a trade he enjoys and is successful at but has had to play so much catch up due to lack of confidence/misdirection of schooling and parenting and the resultant poor grades that it's taken him a lot longer than it should have done to achieve this (and get his confidence back).

Positive reinforcement is the thing, IMO. I compliment ds's hits, don't freak out about the misses. Try and maintain a broad range of interests as well; don't discount him because he's no good at English/Maths/History/Science. My ds for example is really interested in food, health, fitness. I could really imagine him as a personal trainer actually. Obv it's too early to tell (!) but there's no reason not to encourage his interest in apparently inconsequential home hobbies.

LapsedPacifist · 27/10/2011 14:16

Grin @ Jenai's DS "massive synaptical explosion".

Dontcha love it when boys do this! Overnight massive leaps forward in
cognition.

Congrats on the book breakthrough! What did it for us was a holiday in Canada with Granny when DS was 10, staying in a flat with no Internet, TV, DVD player, Laptop or Nintendo or like ANYTHING, MUUUMM!!! .After 3 days he was so bored he dragged me into Borders in Ottawa and spent an hour choosing half a dozen books which lasted him a week, then we had to go back and buy some more Smile.

Original poster
PosiesOfPoison · 27/10/2011 14:16

You have every right to comment, but it's a bit irksome that I'm not allowed to feel crappy, and inadequate, about my DS because there are children worse off. Your post didn't read as supportive, more what have you got to moan about.

I'm sorry if I offended you.

OP posts:
Original poster
PosiesOfPoison · 27/10/2011 14:17

PS. I have asked for it be removed, I would appreciate if you could report the post that comments on it.

OP posts:
FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:17

well, sorry for being irksome. I actually thought you might feel a bit better.

And sorry if my DD's shitty luck in life being mentioned is "irksome"

The term "SN trump card" is fucking INFURIATING.

And I don't swear much on here.

Becaroooo · 27/10/2011 14:17

showofhands Is your dbro single????? Grin He sounds perfect to me!!

FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:18

i said my DD is happy in her school.

And she has SLDs

So clearly she doesnt have the academic side, but she is HAPPY. Which is important. That was what I was illustrating.

I am well past feeling like others can't moan about their kids issues, got enough to deal with with my kids ones.

Becaroooo · 27/10/2011 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:20

yes..I thought my child was a wee girl with SN, not a "trump card" to give me some kind of sad buzz on MN

Original poster
PosiesOfPoison · 27/10/2011 14:20

Hang on a minute, can you see it from the other side? At all?

I misread your post.

OP posts:
FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:22

ok, has cooled down. >

FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:22

Yes, OP has apologised and i have accepted it.

FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:22

it's just i get this all the time when I mention my DD, it gets really wearing.

Becaroooo · 27/10/2011 14:22

Have reported this.

Other side of what?????

Accusing another poster of using their experience of having a dc with SN as a playing a "trump card"

That is what you did, yes?

Angry
Original poster
PosiesOfPoison · 27/10/2011 14:23

Thank fuck and buggery for that.

I would never think of any child as anything other than precious, except for those little shits who call my son a girl.

OP posts:
FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:26

and calms down>

Original poster
PosiesOfPoison · 27/10/2011 14:26

It's already been reported by me, Becarooo. All emotions are running high and something shit was said, by me, as a direct response to something I thought was being inferred.

Fanjo. You have every right to bring your experience into any thread you so desire, we're all parents, we all love our children exactly the same and have the same hopes that they'll be happy. I am really sorry if I made you feel any other way, and added to the abundance of shit you possibly receive.

OP posts:
wasuup3000 · 27/10/2011 14:27

Trust your natrual mothers instinct. If he is tested and is found to be joe average then wheres the harm anyway? At least you will know rather than wonder all the time if he has a learning difficulty or not.

Original poster
PosiesOfPoison · 27/10/2011 14:27

(I'm actually quite good at the apology, wish my hindsight was better!)

OP posts:
FanjoForTheMuahahammaries · 27/10/2011 14:29

it's forgotten :)

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 27/10/2011 14:30

Posies I wouldn't have gone to the Lit Fest thing if you hadn't told me there were loads of tickets left - I assumed they'd be sold out (as happened with previous events). When he gets his A* in English Lit I shall thank you Wink

I do hope this thread has cooled down. I was enjoying it.