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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want DP to have a wedding ring?

127 replies

fallawaydaisy · 25/10/2011 19:42

me and DP are getting married in a few short weeks.
Except I have just found out that he doesn't want to wear a ring.
At all.

AIBU to feel a bit put out and upset that he doesn't want to wear one?

OP posts:
diddl · 26/10/2011 11:39

I think that in the upper echelons of society it is thought to be vulgar for a man to where any ring other than a signet ring bearing his/the families crest/coat of arms.

MrHeadlessMan · 26/10/2011 11:41

Why focus on the ring? What you really need to keep him in check is a muzzle, leash and harness. Be sure that the chain is not more than 6 feet long.

seeker · 26/10/2011 11:42

"Yes Ephiny...In what way would a man that wore a wedding ring be judged? I am intrigued to know."

That was me.

They would be judged by "posh" people as being ....a bit common. Not a gentleman. Not agreeing, just informing. And as for times having changed.....does Prince William wear a wedding ring?

Hammy02 · 26/10/2011 11:47

Sorry Ephiny. It was Seeker verbatim "And they would judge a man who did"

Graciescotland · 26/10/2011 11:48

TBH I'm not that bothered but my DH always says that men who don't want to wear rings because they are philanderers.

diddl · 26/10/2011 11:48

Prince William doesn´t, but Prince Charles does & I think Edward does & that Andrew did.

Hammy02 · 26/10/2011 11:50

No. William doesn't wear a ring. Kate does though.

seeker · 26/10/2011 11:53

My dad would have said that that is because the royal family is upper middle class at best!

nickelbabe · 26/10/2011 11:54

I don't think yabu, but i also don't think it's such a big deal.

I wanted DH to wear a ring, because I wanted him to have the same symbol as me that we were married.
He agreed with the idea, but he hated wearing it to start with, because it felt weird and he wasn't used to it. Now he hardly notices he has it on!

You do need to sit down and find out why he doesn't wear one.
I remember my dad saying that he didn't wear one because he didn't want to risk it in his job (electrician). Years later, he admitted that was a fake excuse, and he just didn't want to wear jewellery.

nickelbabe · 26/10/2011 11:55

(oh, but a part of him wished that he had been a bit braver and worn one, but now it's "too late")

doublechocchip · 26/10/2011 11:57

yanbu I definitely wanted my oh to wear his. We are getting married next week and he tried saying well I'll give it a couple of weeks to get used to it, Ive told him tough he will get used to it! For the first few weeks my enagement ring felt funny but now I cant feel it there so it will be the same for him. The only way Id understand someone not wearing one is in a dangerous manual job whereas my oh's job is defintely not that!

TandB · 26/10/2011 12:01

I still find the idea of wedding rings for men a bit odd. When I was growing up I didn't know any men who wore one. We certainly weren't posh!

valiumredhead · 26/10/2011 12:04

Dh started out with a wedding ring and wore it for about 2 years but now we have been together 21 years and it's sitting comfortably in my jewellery box Grin

He does lots of outside garden work, kept losing it when he took it off etc and it;s just sort of stayed off. I'm not bothered, he doesn't wear any other jewellery apart from a watch.

twinklytroll · 26/10/2011 12:06

I think yabu as long as he is fine for you to not have a ring either. I don't want a wedding ring , it does not show a lack of commitment from me .

Hammy02 · 26/10/2011 12:07

DH is still getting used to wearing his, only been married a couple of months. If he can't get used to it, fine, he can take it off. Doesn't mean we're any less married. And if he wants to have a fling, a ring won't make a blind bit of difference. Only a numpty would think that.

diddl · 26/10/2011 12:07

I think it´s also a generational thing kungfu.

My FIL was Shock when husband said he was going to have a wedding ring.

And not because he was worried that he would be judgedHmm

Just that FIL hadn´t had one & was amazed that husband would want to do anything different from himHmmHmm

I also had an engagement ring which producedShockShockShockfrom FIL & Sad from MIL as she hadn´t had one.

valiumredhead · 26/10/2011 12:10

I don't even wear my original engagement ring and wedding ring - they are yellow gold and I wear silver or white gold now. In fact I have about 3 or 4 that I wear on rotation depending on how I feel Grin

Indith · 26/10/2011 12:13

Dh doesn't have one. I don't think about it now but at the time it did upset me. He jsut didn't feel comfortable wearing anything on his fingers. He did try though, he knew it meant a lot to me (Mind you I was pg and irrational) so we went to a jeweller together and he tried various ones on in different metals and widths. At the end of the day though, if he isn't comfortable wearing it then that has to be his choice and he doens't need a visible sign of marriage to earn my trust, he already has it.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 26/10/2011 12:18

I wouldn't have liked DH not to wear one, and vice versa. Our rings are both plan gold bands, both have stories behind them, and exchanging them on the day was a really special moment.

I'd certainly want to understand why he didn't want to wear one.

lostlady · 26/10/2011 12:19

I believe that DH will be faithful to me because we love each other, not because he wears a ring. He doesn't wear one because he doesn't wear jewellery. I thought he wouldn't look like him with a ring on.

The only thing is, he would have worn one if I had wanted him to, maybe that makes a difference?

lostlady · 26/10/2011 12:28

Lest that sounded too smug, I also mean that if he's going to be unfaithful, a ring will mean nothing. Am not smug, honest.

cat64 · 26/10/2011 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

blonderedhead · 26/10/2011 13:29

YANBU. Mine wore an engagement ring too. I thought it was only fair that he got a diamond too, equality cuts both ways and all that!

TheOriginalFAB · 26/10/2011 13:35

I know someone who is married, wears a ring and has cheated more than once. I have no idea if he wanted a ring but his wife is the type to want to mark her territory. She married him knowing he cheated.

stripeybumpinthenight · 26/10/2011 13:48

Has OP come back?

Fwiw it's obv personal choice and all that, and it doesn't mean he's any less committed to you or more likely to be unfaithful if he doesn't wear one.

But YANBU to want him to wear one. My DH didn't want one but I persuaded him to as it meant a lot to me, and he likes wearing his plain platinum band out and about now - for work and evenings out. He doesn't wear it round the house. He likes being married and is proud of showing it, he's fairly young and looks younger than he is too so it makes him look (in his opinion) more grown-up at work.