Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want DP to have a wedding ring?

127 replies

fallawaydaisy · 25/10/2011 19:42

me and DP are getting married in a few short weeks.
Except I have just found out that he doesn't want to wear a ring.
At all.

AIBU to feel a bit put out and upset that he doesn't want to wear one?

OP posts:
aquafunf · 25/10/2011 22:01

tell him he has a choice. a ring or he can have MARRIED tattoed on his forehead.

MovesLikeJagger · 25/10/2011 22:05

DH had one when we got married but he's about 2 stone heavier now and hasn't worn it for a couple of years and I only wear mine occasionally too. Doesn't bother either of us to be honest. The notion that not wearing a ring means someone wants to shag around is hilarious and it's a bit sad that some feel the ring is more important than wedding vows themselves. Don't get that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/10/2011 22:06

Goodness me... it's getting a bit stinky in here with all the boasting of DH's who are horrified at the prospect of not wearing a ring, so keen are they to demonstrate commitment and brand themselves forever to their spouses... that's what it sounds like to me anyway.

For the poster who said that some women prefer non-ringed men... that may be true or may not but a man (or woman) can stray with or without a ring and it makes not a blind bit of difference whether he's wearing his 'talisman' or not.

Why would anybody try to coerce their partner into wearing a ring though? Really? Do you think it wards everybody off or does it reflect on you as a public statement that he's proud to be tied to you?

Any man who would have said to me - "wear a ring on your finger or through your nose" would have been saying their vows to themselves.

Becaroooo · 25/10/2011 22:11

My dad's was ripped off his finger whilst he was using a lathe. Got a replacment and the dog ate it (long story!) then lost the replacement for that one on skegness beach when I was a child.

Its never bothered my mum he doesnt wear one.

My dh wears one and I like that he does, but if he didnt want to, I wouldnt make a big thing of it, although I woud be tempted not to wear mine either!!!

007alert · 25/10/2011 22:12

Women have been wearing wedding rings for nearly 5000 years. Men didn't get going on the trend until during WW2. Not surprising it hasn't become second nature for many of them. My dh doesn't wear a ring, and I would quite like it if he did, but it's no big deal. My father would think a man wearing a wedding ring (or any jewelery for that matter except a signet ring, preferably inherited) rather 'common' (excuse the expression, not my opinion).

One thing though. The two loudest proponents of male wedding ring wearing that I know have also been the two men I know who consistently shag around and humiliate their families. Wearing a ring will not make you behave better, it will not make you more committed.

Why do you want your df to wear one?

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 25/10/2011 22:15

My father and grandfathers never had rings - Catholic. My DH wanted one.

It's the only ring that doesn't look tacky on men - I don't trust men who wear rings be they argos specials or bespoke £££££ ones.

Why don't you tell him that you won't be wearing one either and see how he reacts.

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 25/10/2011 22:17

Women have been wearing wedding rings for nearly 5000 years

Yes. They were used as a SOLD label.

mayorquimby · 25/10/2011 22:23

No intention to wear one myself when I get married, don't think my gf is overly happy about it.
If she decided not to wear one it wouldn't bother me (save me a few quid as well) but I'm pretty sure she does want one.

sarahtigh · 25/10/2011 22:25

my DH does not wear ring ( too dangerous in his job and risk of losing it taking it on and off all the time, my father never had wedding ring been married 45 years, neither to any of the older men in my family, while women have worn wedding rings for centuries , i think men only statrted regualrly wearing wedding rings in past 50 years maybe

It does not bother me that DH does not wear or want ring, why would I make him do something he was uncomfortable with ( he rarely wears a watch either)

I have a ring, lost my original wedding ring as slightly too big, though I was really upset about it DH was fine, no idea where it is, now wear my great grandmothers ring when i go out do not wear it around house at work gardening as my mother would be really upset if I lost it

marriage is about 2 people being committed for life it is not about weddings or rings

I do not think there is an correlation between ring wearing and cheating, anymore than I believe losing a wedding ring is a bad omen or anything

in some NHS trusts they arethinking of stopping people wearing wedding rings as difficult to wash hands properly they already discourage if not ban rings with stones in, the advice I think is it must be absolutely plain band no engraving on it or twists etc, the problem is the more you take it off the easier it will coem off and risk of leaving it by a sink increases

I would allow your DH to choose whether he has a ring no point in buying one if it sits in a drawer 99% of time, unlesss both of you happy with him just wearing it when you go out

Yama · 25/10/2011 22:26

I've stopped wearing my engagement ring. It's a beautiful ring. I just prefer the simplicity of my wedding band.

Like Fab, I like seeing my dh's wedding band. Don't know why really. It doesn't mean he's mine, rather that he is proud to be married to me. I also love that he put a lot of thought into what kind of ring he wanted.

So I would say YANBU.

startail · 25/10/2011 22:36

Neither my Dad or either grandfather wore rings. My Dad won't have one in case it caught on the lathes at work.
DH very much wanted one, but it has to come off for similar reasons. (But he only messes with machine tools occasionally).
Both DH and I are on our second rings( his original one turned up, but no sign of mineSad)
Personally I'd be a bit put out if DH didn't wear a wedding ring, it would seem wrong that I'm labelled as his if he didn't recipicate.

Janiston · 25/10/2011 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fatlazymummy · 26/10/2011 00:10

Wearing a wedding ring isn't a requirement of marriage for husband or wife so yes you are being unreasonable. A ring is a piece of metal, it doesn't make you any more or less married.

seeker · 26/10/2011 00:14

I insisted DH get a wedding ring so he would have to get rid of the awful, ugly 'family ring' his parents had given him."

How did his parents feel about that?????

maypole1 · 26/10/2011 00:29

For me its a deal breaker my fil dose not wear a ring but then he has had 6 affairs

I told my oh when he asked me yes but only with the condition that he would ware a ring

imgonnaliveforever · 26/10/2011 06:51

Has he said why he doesn't want to wear it?

birdofthenorth · 26/10/2011 07:02

YANBU. My dad doesn't have one either but I think it's weird in our generation tbh.

My one my best friend's DH's has a v pricey wedding ring which they got specially designed... Which he now doesn't wear. It upsets my friend tbh. Years ago, long before their marriage, he was a cheater, & I'm sure that's buried now, but I do wonder if he enjoys not looking "taken" on occasions.

Another close friend's DH has no ring, never wanted a ring, wouldn't feel comfortable wearing any jewellery, and is a 100% proud, committed husband who talks about his wife non-stop & would never even dream of glancing elsewhere.

I'm sure your DHtobe is in the latter category but you do need to be absolutely sure. It took my DZh a while to get used to wearing a ring but he wears it with total pride & we (cheese warning sorry) chink our rings together to say cheers to us in private moments!

birdofthenorth · 26/10/2011 07:03

My DH not my DZh (?!) sorry!

seeker · 26/10/2011 07:04

I'm having one of those "I must live on a diffent planet" moments!

Kayzr · 26/10/2011 07:16

My DP can't wear one at work but he still wants one to wear at home.

I think I would be upset if he said he wouldn't have one at all.

woollyideas · 26/10/2011 07:17

Me too, seeker!

KatAndKit · 26/10/2011 07:21

I'm not sure it's worth being too bothered about. Some people aren't that fond of wearing jewellery. I went to a wedding last year (one of my cousins) when neither of them had a ring. It made the ceremony extremely short but it doesn't make them less married.
I can't speak from experience as I'm not married but if I was I don't know if I would wear a ring all the time seven days a week. I'm not particularly used to rings and it might be a bit of a nuisance. But many more women than men seem to like wearing rings.

It did used to be like a sold sticker on a woman so I can understand that some people feel uncomfortable about the symbolism of the woman having a ring but not the man.

Can't he have a ring in the marriage ceremony and perhaps only wear it some of the time?

LaurieFairyCake · 26/10/2011 07:35

I had no idea mumsnetters felt so strongly about wearing a wedding ring Hmm

or the magical properties of faithfulness when wearing one Hmm

or the perceived unfaithfulness of those who don't want to Hmm

ARE YOU ALL FECKING NUTS!!!!!

diddl · 26/10/2011 08:00

I don´t think of wedding rings as jewellry, I think of them as a symbol of marriage.

I´m proud to be married & to show others that I am, as is my husband.

diddl · 26/10/2011 08:02

"It can be a class thing too - my dad never wore a wedding ring but had a signet ring with a crest on it, on his little finger. Like Princes Charles and William as it happens."

Prince Charles does wear a wedding ring, doesn´t he?

Swipe left for the next trending thread