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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want DP to have a wedding ring?

127 replies

fallawaydaisy · 25/10/2011 19:42

me and DP are getting married in a few short weeks.
Except I have just found out that he doesn't want to wear a ring.
At all.

AIBU to feel a bit put out and upset that he doesn't want to wear one?

OP posts:
hopenglory · 25/10/2011 20:40

The OH doesn't wear one - it would be dangerous in his line of work. Didn't bother buying one that would never get worn. Also, I very rarely wear my wedding ring either. The one I got married with was handed down to me by my granny

PenguinArmy · 25/10/2011 20:42

surely it depends on the reason. Will he have one as a keepsake and to exchange on the day?

I regularly don't wear mind. I'm just not sentimental about it all, unlike DH who gets upset when he rarely forgets to wear his. I know at first he was a bit Hmm about when I didn't wear it, but he's come to understand it doesn't mean anything, it's not a snub.

BumSexRules · 25/10/2011 20:44

I'd guess he's intent on sleeping around and doesn't want the hassle of taking his ring off when he goes out.

Kayano · 25/10/2011 20:46

My DH said no ring and I felt a bit Hmm but in the end he didn't take too much convincing lol.

He knew I was a bit upset though so think he did it for me Grin

MrsCarriePooter · 25/10/2011 20:52

My father didn't wear one and I didn't mind whether my husband did or not (after all the vows are then giving and receiving the ring, it's not like he's not making the vows or something). However I said that if he bought into the symbolism of having a ring as a sign of the vows he was making, it was not something he could just wear occasionally. He chose to (and he hates jewellery on men, he just wears his watch and his ring and cufflinks with a shirt).

slavetofilofax · 25/10/2011 20:52

I would have been gutted if my DH had said that he didn't want to wear a ring, but it never came up as we were both really looking forward to wearing wedding rings.

I realise that us being upset if the other person hadn't wanted to wear a ring is jus part of the way we are as a couple though, and not all couples are the same. If it works for others to not have a ring, or rings, then that's fine. I don't think it means anything if you are both ok with it.

notcitrus · 25/10/2011 20:53

It may have never occurred to him - neither my father or FIL have rings and my dad is very insulting about men who wear rings or any other jewellery. Out of men I know probably under half the married ones have rings. So you need to talk to him about how you feel about it.

MrNC doesn't have a ring, and nor do I, on the grounds that I have never in my life managed to keep a ring for more than a couple days without losing it. Some people ask me 'how do you know you're married if you don't have a ring?' - well I was there and sober in the ceremony and there's this bloke hanging around in my house!

BagofHolly · 25/10/2011 20:57

It can be a class thing too - my dad never wore a wedding ring but had a signet ring with a crest on it, on his little finger. Like Princes Charles and William as it happens.

eurochick · 25/10/2011 20:57

I personally wouldn't trust a man who wouldn't wear a wedding ring. I can think of two men I know who have point blank refused to have one. They both have had affairs. And then got divorced. None of the men I know who do wear one have had affairs. I am sure there are plenty of counter examples out there but when Mr euro showed some reluctance to wear one, I wanted him to change his mind (although I never used the anecdotal evidence above). He did change his mind. He is a no jewellery man. He'd never worn anything other than a watch before.

northerngirl41 · 25/10/2011 21:10

Dead simple - if he won't wear one then neither will you... I think you'll find he'll be picking one out super fast!

It depends if you see them as being an outward sign of marriage, a nice gift or just something meaningless that people do.

I'm not a jewellry fan and don't like wearing rings, so I wasn't going to bother except DH really wanted me to wear one. So I insisted he did to. I'm actually really glad we got them as they are without a doubt the nicest thing about our whole wedding - they are made of one ring, twisted into a figure of eight to make 2 rings - one for me and one for him and were made by some friends of ours, we even have photos of them being made.

carabos · 25/10/2011 21:10

As far as I know, wearing a wedding was, until more recently, a sign that a man was Catholic, which is why the royals don't wear them.

carabos · 25/10/2011 21:11

Wedding ring, obviously Blush

auntpetunia · 25/10/2011 21:15

My dh doesn't wear one it's down to health and safety at work he could loose his fingers if it got caught. I am shocked that anyone would assume it was so he would look available! He's not he's married and has been for 20 years.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 25/10/2011 21:15

What are his reasons? There are plenty of valid ones, the top one being that there are jobs where the wearing of a ring is just impractical. Also (at least according to Jilly Cooper) traditionally the upper classes consider wedding rings for men a bit common - is he traditional and posh?

If he doesn't want to wear one because he thinks it will get in the way of him shagging around, he may not admit it but he may flannel, shuffle his feet and look guilty when challenged.

scotgirl · 25/10/2011 21:17

Mine lost his on our honeymoon! We are yet to replace it and that was 8 years ago. It used to bother me but now its not really important. He has talked recently about getting another but has never bothered his arse!

Lerato · 25/10/2011 21:27

Dh doesn't wear a ring. I don't either. Somehow we have managed not to have any flings despite being so obviously available. Must be doing something wrong! ( Personally I think they are part of the 'look at me, I am Married' smugness. Not me at all.)

jasper · 25/10/2011 21:30

i just fell off my chair laughing at the notion of not being able to trust a man who refused to wear a ring.

usualsuspect · 25/10/2011 21:37

Ne too jasper Grin

motherinferior · 25/10/2011 21:44

Me three Grin

I can assure you that blokes in wedding rings are just as likely to shag around, in any case.

PanicMode · 25/10/2011 21:47

According to DH, 'gentlemen don't. He wears a signet ring and so wouldn't wear a wedding ring too. My father has never worn one either and I know few men who do.

I don't think it makes any difference to how faithful he's going to be - it's the vows that matter, not the symbol of them.

Talk to him about why he won't - i can understand you being upset, but him wearing one won't make him a better husband!

slavetofilofax · 25/10/2011 21:49

Not being able to wear a ring for work is a pretty lame excuse for not having one though.

If you don't want one, then say so, but don't use a job as the reason. You aren't at work when you actually get married, and I presume these men do get time off work. And I would have thought that they might like to retire at some point too. Or they might change jobs and being unable to wear a ring would not always be the case. Or, they could just take the thing off for work and keep it somewhere safe.

A symbol of marrige is not just supposed to be there when you are at work, it is for the rest of your life.

lynniep · 25/10/2011 21:50

you'll get over it. I was a bit put out too at first. I dont give a sh*t now :)
DH tried to wear it, but he hated the feel of it. He took it off all the time - for bed, for a bath, and eventually I stopped nagging him and put it somewhere safe.

If he doesnt want to wear jewellery in general then its kind of understandable, but if its because he's unhappy with the idea of broadcasting his relationship status, then alarm bells are ringing!!

AitchTwoOh · 25/10/2011 21:55

my dad didn't have one because he didn't like them, and dh is the same. it's never occurred to me to be offended... i guess if i thought he was untrustworthy then i would have bigger problems than whether or not he was prepared to wear a bit of metal round his finger.

muffinino82 · 25/10/2011 21:55

My dad has never worn his and it would be too dangerous in his job to wear one. In fact, he doesn't wear any jewelry or a watch so it has nothing to do with his fideliy, although my mam has always held out hope that somebody else could put with him long enough for him to bugger off [hgrin]
I wouldn't wear one even if I was inclined towards marriage as I have two horses and I don't wear rings when I'm with them - I guarantee I'd lose a ring if I took it on and off all the time! Not sure if OH would as his job would be dangerous with one and it wouldn't bother me tbh.

Jenstar21 · 25/10/2011 21:59

Hmmm. I do notice it's more popular now to wear a ring, but almost all the men in my family had professions where they couldn't wear them. (Farming family.) My dad has never had a ring, and 40 years on, my parents are still happily married. He was forces, and saw more than one guy on a ship lose a finger. Eweeee.

OH and I aren't married but I really don't think it would bother me if he didn't want to wear one. A ring never stopped anyone cheating.... I just want one 'cos I like diamonds. ;)

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